The Ultimate Man.

A little over a week ago, I was working at my desk when my next-cubicle neighbor announced, “Another school shooting.” 

This guy is a whole other blog, but he’s my greatest teacher because he pushes every one of my buttons. He absolutely delights in being the bearer of bad news. So my first reaction was to shut down, like I do sometimes, so I wouldn’t get angry.

When I finally opened up to the actual event I shut down for another reason: I was stunned. How? Why? I didn’t know whether to cry in shame and sadness, or scream in anger, so I just sat there letting it sink in.

Men! What are we going to do? Obviously there is some kind of mental health issue here, and of course there’s the Gun Control cloud hanging over us, but what can we, as men, do? Write our congressmen? Protest against the NRA and Westboro Church?

I don’t know if we could ever completely prevent such a thing from happening again but I do know this:

No man is an island. Nothing in nature exists in a vacuum. Everything that lives and breathes requires some other entity with which to coexist  in order to survive.

Mental health aside, many of the perpetrators of these kinds of heinous acts are described as “loners.” Maybe if there was a community to which these souls belonged, their lives might have been different. Of course the aftermath of tragedies are always filled with “maybes” and “what ifs”, but here’s how it could work:

My wife and I have created what we call the Art of pARTnering, and it begins with partnering with yourself.

You must become the Ultimate You. Once you’re on your way to self-truth and authenticity, then you can move on to truly and deeply partnering with another, and from there you take it out into the community and begin reaching out to help others do what you’ve done. This is how we change the world. Change yourself first.

No shitting around anymore, men, because here’s the thing:

It’s great to march for tougher gun laws, but if you’re on your third relationship in three years you’re missing the point.

If you’re sweating the holidays because you can’t stand your family, or your in-laws, or you haven’t spoken to your brother, sister, mother, father, son… in months or even years, you’re missing the point.

If your life is not at all the way you wish it would be, you are missing the point.

The problems of this world all begin inside you. Someone far smarter than I once said, “If you want the things you look at to change, then change the way you look at things.”

Before we judge anyone for anything, we must first look at ourselves because the overwhelming odds are that if there’s someone or something that really pisses us off  (my cubicle neighbor!), then those qualities that push our buttons are the very things we need to work on in ourselves, and men, it’s time to get to work. Right now.

Unlike popular opinion, the end of the Mayan calendar has nothing to do with the end of the world. It has to do with the enormous energy being created in the Universe by the end of a 26,000 year tour our solar system has taken around the galaxy, and finally returning back to the very center of the Milky Way.

We’re about to be the center of gravity to “billions and billions of stars.” That is some heavy shit.

How are we to ride this incredible wave of energy? Let’s say you’re at the beach. You look out to see and this tremendous wave is coming towards you.

There are two possibilities: Either you are swept under, bowled over, dragged through the sand and shells to stumble out of the water with your bathing suit around your knees and your butt feeling like ground glass, or you deftly make your way to the crest of the wave and have the ride of your life.

The ones who remain stagnant, who live to maintain the Status Quo will be in the first group. The ones who start living the dreams of their true heart will be in the second. The time to start is now.

When we begin to live from our true heart, when we earnestly look at ourselves and decide we are greater than our petty little wants, and our need to be right, and “must-have-the-latest-thing,” our lives change.

If you’re life could be exactly as your true heart desires, what would it look like? What would it smell like, taste like, sound like and feel like? If money were no object and time were not an issue, then what?

Here’s part of mine:

I sit back on my cedar chaise, feeling the warmth of the cushions on my back and legs. The glass is cool in my hand and when I bend my head to take a sip of champagne the bubbles tickle my nose. Looking out at the Gulf from the veranda of our small bungalow, I watch the sun set, the sky deep orange, pink and purple. The clouds look as if they’re on fire.

I pour a glass for my wife as the gentle breeze cools the heat of the early evening. The last van has taken the remaining participants of our week-long Wellness Retreat to the airport and we’re alone. Souls were transformed this week. They couldn’t stop asking when the next one will be. She looks at me and we smile, clink glasses and take a sip of the sweetest life we’ve ever known.

Am I there yet? No, but when I close my eyes I can feel it as if I am. And I know in my heart of hearts that it is attainable. Why not?

Why not? This is the first question that needs to be asked. Why the fuck not?! 

No one else on this earth is more deserving than we. Each one of us. Despite our shortcomings, we are worthy of the best. We just have to begin living as such. But we have to get out of our own way.

We must take down the Thieves of the Heart:  Envy, Desire, Anger, Pride, Judgment and more. These are all ingrained human traits, and to be fair we’ve inherited them from our parents who inherited them ad infinitum, but they weigh us down when we ought to be flying.

We can fly. It is our birthright to do so. When we do, we inspire others to change their own lives so they can fly, and when we do it together, as brothers—as a Brotherhood—maybe we can help a guy who feels alone, without community, without a brother who’s got his back.

Maybe we could even save a life or two, but we have to save our own first.




More Breaking the Lineage: 

>> Kill the Boy, Unleash the Man.

>> Unleashing the Man: steps into changing your mind. 



{Save yourself first.}




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Seth Newfeld
Seth Newfeld has no impressive letters after his name, other than H.U.S.B.A.N.D, & D.A.D. His favorite gelato is hazelnut and his favorite place to go is the Cave of his own heART, although Cozumel, MX, Cornwall, UK, Deventer NL, and any forest near a lake really rock. The two most important things his father ever taught him were unconditional love, and “a beard well-lathered is a beard half-shaved.” Reconciliation and redemption make him cry. He often wishes he were an off-duty policeman just so he could pull over people who throw cigarette butts out of their car windows and give them tickets for littering. He regularly bows at the shri lotus feet of Stacy Anuttara Newfeld, his wife, left side and bad-ass yogini, with whom he has created Moondog Yoga and Healing, The ART of pARTnering, and his greatest teachers, their awesome twins Abbi and Hana. You can find Seth and Moondog Yoga on Facebook and Twitter.


  • Andrea Balt
    Andrea Balt commented on December 27, 2012 Reply
    How to be a Man in 371 easy steps. Step 1: Save self. Thanks for sharing your greatness Seth. More Rebelle men, please.
    • michael beck commented on January 26, 2013 Reply
      the Dude abides!
  • michael beck commented on January 26, 2013 Reply
    Well i don’t know about 26,000year stuff(i mean, hell, if the Universe is infinite every point is the center), but the rest is golden. You and your girl are brilliant. I Love y’all and these perfect thoughts. Rocket! Spaceman(and Spacelady)! Rebelle on!
  • Seth Newfeld
    Seth Newfeld commented on January 26, 2013 Reply
    Thanks, Mike! Did I say “Universe”? Oops. I meant Galaxy, as in Milky Way. :)

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