10 Tips For How To Keep An Open Heart From Breaking Every Day.

 

A written duet of loving sorts by heart seamstresses Laurana Wong & Tanya Lee Markul

“How do you keep an open heart from breaking every day?” she whispered sweetly from inside the cardboard box labeled Lost & Found that was sitting on my doorstep.

It was dark out, I could not see inside, but the peculiarity of that gentle voice emanating from within those four walls felt warm and familiar.

Her warmth radiated out from inside her little shelter. She needed me.

(I couldn’t tell if I were dreaming or not.)

I reached my hands slowly inside and felt for, for whatever was connected to that voice. That angelic sound, it was like the gentlest, saddest stroke of a harp combined with the sweet note of a chyme hanging in heaven that sang when invited by even the softest wind.

My fingers reached slowly in to find two warm pockets between her naked under arms and the delicate sides of her ribcage. I lifted her up as gently as I could.

As I held her, she kept her eyes closed and her head on my shoulder. She felt like a warm, soft pillow in my arms. She was weightless and she contorted right into the fibres of my being without any force, without even a hint of resistance.

As I walked her inside, she whispered, “I’ve been feeling fragile lately.”

Funny enough, I had noticed the sticker on the lid of her box that read, Fragile—handle with care.

I am a little lost. I am a little found. I stand looking at myself inside the box—hidden, broken, hurt and scared. I peer out at myself standing outside of the box—aware, grounded, unfearful, and steady. We are one. 

As much as I am angry, hurt and heart-broken, I am also strong, courageous, forgiving and open to love, and… I am (we are) fragile, so please, handle with care.

***

How do you keep an open heart from breaking every day?

Here are ten tips from within and outside the box:

#1. Remember that you are a lantern, a flashlight, a watch tower in the dark. There is no need to react (ever) with fear or anger. You have the courage to reach inside the box. You have the courage to be held.

#2. Care for yourself. An open heart may suffer because you have moved it into dangerous territory. Not every situation requires your sacrifice. Certain types of giving move you too far from center.

#3. Remember the Universal laws of compassion—be and react with pure honesty but also non-violently and with a heart overflowing with forgiveness—like our friend Gandhi, ‘be the change you want to see in the world’ add a sprinkle of that guy Jesus, ‘forgive them for they know not what they do’.

#4. Sing and dance every day.

Laurana Wong on stage. Photo credit: Emanuel Cavallaro.

#5. Open up your heart to love beyond your imagination—make it a daily practice. Go beyond surface-level, default poisons (greed, anger, fear, delusion and yes, even ignorant bliss).

#6. Love Life itself, and all the experiences it contains. The pains, the cruelties, the joys and triumphs. They are all part of being alive. To love means loving indiscriminately. To love deeply means to expand.

#7. Move past the masterful illusory of the mind and its magnificent abilities to distract you from the present moment. Instead of living in a constant parallel universe of the angry past and the worried future, spend more time right here and now.

#8. Realize that some people aren’t equipped to receive the full force of your love. To send it to them may throw their world into chaos. Love these people gently, with your understanding instead of your passion. And know that there are always people who receive you, in full.

#9. Don’t be attached to outcomes, or try to control or force them either. Being the best you that you can be, sincerely, compassionately, creatively, is doing your part. You don’t need to do more than that. Let the reaction of the people around you be spontaneous, mysterious, magical and something that is intuitively gained. (We can’t force anyone to love us or to feel love.)

#10. Accept that sometimes your heart’s just gonna break. It’s okay to let it.

 

*****

Find, dance and experience more Laurana here.

**

Read more:

7 tips for discovering your life’s purpose.

Facing the darkest side of a beautiful person.

The art of projection: are you creating heaven or hell on earth?

A self-made 12-step program for living an authentic life.

*****

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Tanya Lee Markul
Co-Founder and Chief Editor of Rebelle Society (you are here). She’s convinced that she once swam the depths of the deepest ocean and in the next round, grew over two hundred feet tall. In this life, she’s a vulnerable creation in process. She has a Bachelor of Science in Journalism & a Master’s in Business. In 2009, surrendering to the good fight within, she became a certified teacher of yoga. Now a full-time devoted student to the sacred art of self-discovery and creative expression, she spends her days on her yoga mat, in wellness experimentation and tilling the fertile soil of Rebelle Society, sharing bouts of black sheepish rebellion, self-acceptance and the beauty of darkness and well-being. Tanya is the creator of ThugUnicorn.com and Yoga.Write.Now.org. She is also the co-founder and Wellness Alchemist at Rebelle Wellness. Get to know her on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and at Yogacentralen.dk. Sign-up for her free, weekly Newsie and contact her via email: tanya@rebellesociety.com.

45 Comments

  • Tracy Wisneski
    Tracy Wisneski commented on January 3, 2013 Reply
    So beautiful, insightful and true. Where’s the love button?
  • SR Atchley
    Thank you.
  • ivelinaborislavova commented on January 3, 2013 Reply
    So inspiring and true ! Thank you <3
  • john McAndrew commented on January 3, 2013 Reply
    Beautiful!
  • Patricia Kambitsch commented on January 3, 2013 Reply
    I needed to read this. Awesome writing.
  • Jim Fry
    Jim Fry commented on January 4, 2013 Reply
    :: bows in deep respect & appreciation :: Wow … U had me at #1 and I didn’t stumble until #10 – “#10. Accept that sometimes your heart’s just gonna break. It’s okay to let it.” … I needed to work with that awhile until it blazed in – perhaps that heart breaking is reflective of expansion cracks, as the old size is too limiting for the new capacity :)
  • afyreagley commented on January 17, 2013 Reply
    WOW! WOW!
  • Jen commented on January 17, 2013 Reply
    I love this.
  • arman commented on January 17, 2013 Reply
    Thank u. Love without fear….never reject love
  • Irene commented on January 17, 2013 Reply
    Thank you!
    • JewelMari commented on February 28, 2013 Reply
      Im speechless. Thank you for sharing this.
  • Ramanjit Garewal
    Ramanjit Garewal commented on March 2, 2013 Reply
    Dear Laurana and Tanya …:-) So sweet and soft … So flowing with Love .. Made me Sing and Dance … In Sweet Love … May you too … Sing and Dance … In Sweet Love … Day after day … after day ………. Love it … Love … :-)
  • Tracy Wisneski
    Tracy Wisneski commented on March 14, 2013 Reply
    “I am a little lost. I am a little found. I stand looking at myself inside the box—hidden, broken, hurt and scared. I peer out at myself standing outside of the box—aware, grounded, unfearful, and steady. We are one. ” I needed to come back to this today and revisit the paradox that is me. How did you know?
  • Catherine Ghosh
    Catherine Ghosh commented on April 7, 2013 Reply
    Beautiful, powerful reminders! Thank you Tanya and Laurana, you play a lovely duet! xoxox
  • soulsoliloquy commented on April 7, 2013 Reply
    I do so love the reflections of myself I see in the woman of my life. Thank you
  • Carolyn Riker
    Carolyn Riker commented on April 7, 2013 Reply
    Tender, healing and self-caring…beautiful reminders for self-love. Thank you both for etching another space in my heart!!! Love it!!!
  • gemstar commented on April 7, 2013 Reply
    Thank you for reminding me….
  • jesschecking commented on May 1, 2013 Reply
    BEAUTIFUL! I desperately needed to read this today. Thank you.
  • Arun Ks commented on May 3, 2013 Reply
    thank you! god bless you!
  • b1alpha commented on June 11, 2013 Reply
    good but you need to remove the (prose) part of 9
  • Nicole commented on June 15, 2013 Reply
    <3
  • jruthkelly commented on June 15, 2013 Reply
    Love this (again!)…
  • Elmira commented on June 17, 2013 Reply
    Its really amazing, so warm and full of love. Thank you
  • Amber commented on July 7, 2013 Reply
    Sorry to be a dark voice here among people who were moved by this article… but my heart is becoming weak and rotten from being broken and cracked so many times… bleeding and oozing and becoming stagnant… making me into a worse person… Being who I am will destroy who I am.
    • Tanya Lee Markul
      tanya lee markul commented on June 9, 2014 Reply
      Amber — there is a tragic beauty to your words. It reminded me of this: “Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.” ― Pema Chödrön
      • morgancnicholswriter commented on December 16, 2014 Reply
        What a mind blowing quote, thank you. Love Pema Chodron. I too sometimes feel my heart cannot take anymore after so many ‘beatings’…but then I experience it being opened even further, and it’s amazing. Thank you Laurana and Tanya for a beautiful article, I loved it.
  • Melissa commented on July 9, 2013 Reply
    ah, thank you. “I’ve been feeling fragile lately.”
  • ndo (@ndo) commented on August 8, 2013 Reply
    I just adore this post. Thank you for writing it. And I am not in a good place to say so: I am broken and fragile and suicidal and crazy. And I still found grace in what you say.
  • Margie commented on August 18, 2013 Reply
    Thank you!
  • Lillian Cecilia Ferraz commented on August 22, 2013 Reply
    Thank you :) much needed and appreciated
  • De'Ausin Seuell commented on September 21, 2013 Reply
    My GOD that was absolutely beautiful.
  • Beth commented on December 8, 2013 Reply
    For me the challenge now is to reopen my heart after shutting it down as a protective measure after letting myself get hurt so bad.
  • Donna commented on December 9, 2013 Reply
    As always, your words are brilliantly eloquent. xo
  • amber242 commented on December 10, 2013 Reply
    i understand your hurt and frusteration, it never seems to change and once you feel a bit stronger again, theres always someone to bat you back down once again. i feel as though my heart is spiraling downwards into a dark abyss that i fear i will never find my way out of. thank you for sharing your feelings as it does help to know im not the only one who feels bitter in this array of positivity and optimism.
  • Tracy commented on January 3, 2014 Reply
    I’m printing this to remind myself daily. I’ve reacted to pain in the recent past with anger and bitterness, and learned from my mistakes. I still learn. Thank you for your grace and much-needed insight.
    • Tanya Lee Markul
      tanya lee markul commented on June 9, 2014 Reply
      I’m still learning too, Tracy. We’re in it together. ;-)
  • Shaun Galanos commented on March 11, 2014 Reply
    Just want I needed to read today, and ever day since I’ve discovered this. Thank you.
  • starryeyedbeth commented on April 15, 2014 Reply
    Hmmm…I wanted to glean more from this than I did. Sometimes pieces like this seem so well-intentioned but so darn sweepingly general, it reads like a New Age greetings card. “Remember that you are a lantern, a flashlight, a watch tower in the dark. There is no need to react (ever) with fear or anger. You have the courage to reach inside the box. You have the courage to be held.” Huh? Which one is it? Having the courage to be held is a considerably different emotional response than being a light or reaching inside a box. It’s like, squeeze as many vague, soft points that one can’t really argue because, well, it may just cover all bases. I mean, really…there is no need EVER to react with fear or anger? I guess if you’re Jesus or Ghandi, sure. But we contain varying degrees of those feelings and it’s also ALRIGHT to react with anger and fear because they’re not BAD feelings per se. Point 6 contradicts Point 1, essentially, since its their we’re told to accept all of the good, bad and ugly. The last few were a bit more specific, so that helped; they were points I could actually vaguely concretize in my mind and hopefully take with me.
  • Banu Sekendur commented on September 3, 2014 Reply
    “Realize that some people aren’t equipped to receive the full force of your love”.YES YES YES!
    • morgancnicholswriter commented on December 16, 2014 Reply
      Yes! This line hit the nail on the head for me in light of recent relationship scenarios. Reminds me of the quote ‘Never at any time throw your pearls before those who have not eyes to see them and recognise them for what they are; wait patiently until they are ready’ (Eileen Caddy).
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  • gofasterrabbit commented on June 20, 2015 Reply
    One of the most beautiful articles ever. <3 And speaking truth and wisdom right into my cracked wide open heart.

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