I Want to be Alive with You.

{Embroidery & graphite on fabric by Ana Teresa Barboza / Via Pinterest. / Source: http://anateresabarboza.blogspot.com.}

{Embroidery & graphite on fabric by Ana Teresa Barboza / Via Pinterest. / Source: http://anateresabarboza.blogspot.com.}

I want to be guided by older-ups. I want babies to be born where old people die. I want to be sandwiched in the middle of a messy togetherness.

I want to be warned before I do something stupid. I want to be forgiven when I do it anyway. I want wisdom to be tapped out on my eardrums and not Googled. I want transitions to be recognized by fire.

I want gifts to be educed from children. And teenagers and adults and I want to mean something to my community. I want to get drunk on substance morning and night.

I want to hear your dreams. I want to raise a revolution for gentleness. I want to call out the bullshit on consensus reality. I want to get rich so I can billboard the highways with validations.

I don’t want to be another faker. I don’t want to show you my good side and hide my humanity. I don’t want to dole you out my Self in digestible status-chunks. I want to challenge you in long, drawn-out rituals and still find you interested.

I want to feed you seventeen course meals made with spices I crushed. I want to recite you circular poems, each beginning cutting a deeper grasp. I want to make you feel something, even if it’s awkward. I want to sing you songs which are ancient and new.

I want to carve stories in trees with tools my elders fashioned. I want to keep sharpening them. I want to find places we’ve never been. And then, I want to return there, but backwards.

I want to shuffle up words so we don’t sleep through them. I want to learn things and then be splashed into never forgetting. I want to make you feel seen. I want to hold your pounding heart in my gentlest of hands. I want to make your thing feel like my thing.

I don’t want to miss a moment. I want to dig at the bottom and find it false. I want to turn up unknown depths. I want to stand in this hurricane and sing the sweetest, most naked song you can bear.

I want to be alive with you.





{Aliveness 101}



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Toko-pa Turner
A writer, musician and authority on dreams, Toko-pa has been interviewed by CNN News & BBC Radio, and her Dreamspeak column has appeared in publications across Canada and the United States. You can find Toko-pa on Facebook or at toko-pa.com.
Toko-pa Turner

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  • Margaret Ward
    MLW commented on July 1, 2013 Reply
    Love it. Amen.
  • Alison Nappi
    Alison Nappi commented on July 1, 2013 Reply
    I truly could not have said it better if I went into the secret rooms of my own soul and translated word for word what was inscribed in a language too old to be known in this place. Thank you, soul sister. We are one.
  • Ron commented on July 1, 2013 Reply
    So much beauty in that essay yet I’m always struck by the fact whenever I encounter it that we ascribe the worst parts of ourselves to our so called “humanity” rather than those qualities that separate us from the apes and the rest of non-humanity.
  • Victoria Erickson commented on July 1, 2013 Reply
    Gorgeous. I second everything in the above comments.
  • Joy commented on July 1, 2013 Reply
    Mmmmm. Yes. I get it…
  • Patricia Gomez commented on July 1, 2013 Reply
    I want all that! You are amazing!!!! I wish I had written this. Brilliant, truly.
  • Tyler Vincent commented on July 1, 2013 Reply
    The lion caught my eye but your words kept me reading this speaks to me!
  • Mamaste
    Mamaste commented on July 1, 2013 Reply
    Agreed, this is gorgeous, and the photo that accompanies it….perfect. ~Mamaste
  • Toko-pa Turner
    Toko-pa Turner commented on July 2, 2013 Reply
    Thank you Mamaste :)
  • Jeanette commented on July 4, 2013 Reply
  • Rachel commented on July 5, 2013 Reply
    One of those pieces with words that reach so deep, you get sweet surprise on the edges of the touch, with an aftertaste of massive respect. I want to know more and to bathe in the words a bit longer. Thank You.
  • Marty Johnson commented on August 15, 2013 Reply
  • Tiny Homemaker commented on September 24, 2013 Reply
    thank you so much for this beautiful reminder, re-awakening <3
  • Nick Kaye commented on September 24, 2013 Reply
    Thank you, and I will!!! Love…….
  • Simon Abramson commented on September 24, 2013 Reply
    Love it! Here in the Hudson Valley we’re working on creating a world/culture where this is normal. Check it: http://wildearth.org/
  • Erin McNaughton commented on September 24, 2013 Reply
    This spoke to my heart and gave me chills. Simply reading this made me feel as if I were alive with you–simply beautiful. Thank you.

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