He’s totally insane; can’t put two sentences together. Evil; then sweet and generous. Power-hungry; then puts Mother Teresa to shame. He knows the answers to the world’s problems, but forgets himself under pressure.
So who is this guy? I want you to meet my MiND. A resident of me; more like a squatter really. Be warned, he tends to laugh in extremely inappropriate moments, but if you stick around, he says he’s going to solve the Middle East crisis after I get back from my run.
I’m not the only one who owns a Ruprecht or Jack Sparrow up there.
Obviously I don’t know your mind in particular, but judging by the way people behave in this world, we all seem to have a lethal buffoon in our head running around with scissors. He’s the cause of our suffering – but only all of it; a trickster, plain and simple.
I told him to sit down and shut up, once. It was late, after being suckered into an evening with Ethiopian rap singers whom I had never met before. Ended up in a bad part of town; watched them make more hallucinogenic mushroom pancakes than I had ever seen (my previous count being zero).
It dawned on me that this wasn’t going to be my life unless the dumb-ass upstairs handed over the reigns, and he wasn’t going to do that nicely.
That definitive realisation happened in the last moments of darkness before the sun switched on, so I began to meditate. I didn’t know at the time that this was the A-bomb for my narcissist MiND, and I had just pressed the disproportionately large red button.
It took just moments for him to respond. You might imagine that he’s not one for subtlety. First MiND registered my meditation as an act of aggression, and an attempted assassination (as defined by The Geneva Convention). Then, he gathered his arsenal and declared war.
His weapons were surprisingly more intelligent than I expected of a squatting one-eyed pirate ass.
I espied no less than three varieties of ballistic responses to my assault:
Weapon 1: Sleep.
My attack: Resolve to get up early every day and meditate. Stitch my awareness to my spiritual self. Learn the purpose of my existence.
Counter Attack: Says, Oh yeah?! Well, try and do that if I make you crazy tired every time you close your eyes!
Weapon 2: Headache.
My attack: Push through the tiredness and pursue my daily meditation and yoga practice. Learn from great texts and people I consider wise.
Counter Attack: Says, Well, try to do that with this Muther Farking headache you’re about to get out of Flooking nowhere!…And watch out for my phantom nausea ray! KA-BAM!
Weapon 3: Emotion.
My attack: Increase determination. Do not fall for any phantom physical discomfort. Be present with every moment. See those around me as people trying to do their best, even if their best is to be ignorant and abusive.
Counter Attack: Says, Time to make you insanely sensitive. You’ll have no choice but to misinterpret innocently intended words and go fricking ninja-ballistic on everybody!
This was a particularly deadly weapon.
But wouldn’t you believe it, it turned out I had the WMD the whole time.
What is it?!! you ask.
The name is Will… Will Power.
Kryptonite for my fatuous one-eyed pirate, and for anybody’s half-cocked captains of Maya.
Military training always asserts that you’ve got to know your weapon inside and out before you wield such power in combat, so I memorized the instructions that detailed the nature of this beast. It went like this:
1. Once you engage this weapon, pass the cross hairs over your target. Always follow through to the end until you’ve blasted the bastard good and thorough.
Field example: You decide to stop eating junk food and begin a healthier regime. Engage Will Power. When in doubt, keep firing. If you fall for your MiND’s counter-attacks, such as frequent memories of the delicious junk food taste, Will Power will disengage.
2. When you misuse this weapon, it becomes less effective. MiND will assimilate your strategy.
In the event that you have misused Will Power repeatedly, and today is, say, your 612th attempt at adding yoga to your busy schedule, you will need to re-spawn your weapon. To do this, you have got to stand your ground just one time against MiND’s attacks. Will Power’s force will resurge, and together, you shall reign supreme once again.
3. Self-Discipline fuels Will Power.
Beware of alcohol consumption, over-eating and over-sleeping. While not an immediate liability, when indulged in regularly, Will Power will lose its mojo (to use the official term).
Silence is where you will discover Will Power’s lair. Visit often.
You are now armed and dangerous.
Remember, with great power, comes great responsibility.
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