Do plants have star signs?
I mean, why not? Why would only the timing of a human birth qualify for having a zodiac sign and astrological influences and not the multi-cellular organisms of the kingdom Plantae?!
Who doesn’t want a rebellious Sagitarian Aloe from the genus family, Xanthorrhoeaceae, improving the quality of air in their home?
In the late ’80s, NASA research found that several plants filter out common volatile organic compounds (VOCs) in an indoor polluted environment — it’s a lucky strike for us as they say our indoor air is typically far more polluted than outdoor air. Yikes and open up the windows — better yet, get plants!
A few of the top toxins found to pollute indoor air include:
- Carbon Monoxide: According to Wikipedia, carbon monoxide is one of the most acutely toxic indoor air contaminants is carbon monoxide (CO), a colorless, odorless gas that is a byproduct of incomplete combustion of fossil fuels. Common sources of carbon monoxide are tobacco smoke, space heaters using fossil fuels, defective central heating furnaces and automobile exhaust.
- Formaldehyde: According to the EPA formaldehyde can be found in Sources of formaldehyde in the home include building materials, smoking, household products, and the use of un-vented, fuel-burning appliances, like gas stoves or kerosene space heaters.
- Volatile organic compounds (VOCs): VOCs include a variety of chemicals, some of which may have short and long-term adverse health effects. Concentrations of many VOCs are consistently higher indoors (up to ten times higher) than outdoors. VOCs are emitted by a wide array of products numbering in the thousands. Examples include: paints and lacquers, paint strippers, cleaning supplies, pesticides, building materials and furnishings, office equipment such as copiers and printers, correction fluids and carbonless copy paper, graphics and craft materials including glues and adhesives, permanent markers, and photographic solutions.
Let’s also not forget scary words like radon, ozone and asbestos. So…
Plants you may want to consider for increased indoor breathing pleasure:
Thank you to the Mother Nature Network for the plant 4-1-1. Alas, here are some indoor plants for improving the quality of the air you breathe and as a bonus, a little green-thumb horoscope action for the warped and twisted mind.
#1 Spider plant (Chlorophytum comosum)
Benefits for the air: the spider plant is said to battle benzene, formaldehyde, carbon monoxide and xylene (xylene, a solvent used in the leather, rubber and printing industries).
Star sign + key traits: this spider is a stubborn Taurus indeed. Resilient to neglect, in other words difficult to kill, this plant will continue to survive virtually most conditions and if placed in a location of choice, will reproduce hanging spawn all over the place. So, give the gift of fresh air this Christmas to select friends (snip the umbilical cord, place in fresh soil, water and serve).
#2 Aloe (Aloe vera)
Benefits for the air: helps clear formaldehyde and benzene.
Star sign + key traits: this multi-talented air cleaner and burn healer is a lovable schizophrenic — and who doesn’t love a schizo? This plant thinks it’s half Noam Chomsky and half Milton Friedman, but it’s more like Betty White and Margaret Thatcher. Have you figured out? This plant is a Gemini incarnate. This attention seeker’s growth and expansion speaks as loud as its if it had a voice would sound. So, watch out for this one. It could be having an argument with itself right now.
#3 Snake plant (Sansevieria trifasciata ‘Laurentii’)
Benefits for the air: one of the best for filtering out formaldehyde.
Star sign + key traits: a neurotic, bitchy plant that most likely came from a space dimension of cosmic genus called Egotron. This Virgo does not see the world in shades of black and white, but in shades of clean and dirty. Watch out and take care of this plant, those tips can become as sharp as a Jack Torrence if provoked… here’s Snakey.
#4 Golden pothos (Scindapsus aures)
Benefits for the air: another powerful plant for tackling formaldehyde.
Star sign + key traits: obsessive, crazy and pretends to not enjoy the second-hand smoke, this Scorpio will try to seduce you with its telepathic abilities (that come in a thick, water tongued Spanish accent).
#5 Chinese evergreen (Aglaonema Crispum ‘Deborah’)
Benefits for the air: easy-to-care-for plant can help filter out a variety of air pollutants and begins to remove more toxins as time and exposure continues.
Star sign + key traits: hard working, not afraid of the dark, reliable, but dull as hell, this Capricorn thinks it’s sassy and charismatic, but it’s more like a Saltine. Like the finance guy who tells stiff jokes during the roundtable (and actually thinks he’s hilarious). This one loves to be seen as the photosynthesis genius of its time, but it gets confused merely flipping through pages of the dictionary. This well-intentioned plant got lost during the early 90’s — just like Donald Trump’s hair. Will it make a come back?
What is the relationship between you and plants?
If you’re a little shy around plants but are open to building new friendships and relationships, but are finding it difficult to make the connection, you can assign birth dates, star signs or you can always try the googly eye methodology — thanks to SNL and Christopher Walken, a man who’s very scared of plants:
Stay tuned for planting by zodiac signs and falling in and out of love with Crassula ovata.
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