You Are Infinite: Going from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I will.’

{Photo via Tumblr. Artist unknown}

{Photo via Tumblr.}

Woman I am. Spirit I am.
I am the infinite within my soul.
I have no beginning and I have no end.
All this, I am.
~ Chant, unknown source. 
Listen to the wind.

There’s a message that flutters through the clouds in my mind and anchors me to the present. Lavender and rosemary wrap a cool tendril of love and coil inspiration in my heart. It’s in that ethereal space, where I find the hum of sound, the breath of trees, and the universe permeates my being.

The rain and the sea are an extension of an inhale and exhale. Droplets of moisture are caught on the leaves and feed my soul a sip of tender sweetness. I hold an umbrella of water lilies to protect my core and after the storms, sunlight enters my being and colors of hope radiate from my heart.

The phrase, ‘I can’t’ turns to ‘I will.’

The I should becomes I am who I am…and she is much more than I ever imaged.

Her wings emerged through a veil of a silken cocoon. The powdery softness of her skin had a translucent glow. A current of magic ran through her inner chambers.

She’s finding her potential and letting go of the surface banter.

The awakening of her heart is profound and real. She is emerging from living a dream. At night she sleeps but remains awake in spirit to take in the messages being received. She can finally relax as the atmosphere carries her on a starlit journey. She can acknowledge the perils of harshness and pleasure. She transcends an understanding of pain and joy. She sees truth in her mind’s eye.

I will let the noise of my mind dwindle from a roar to a whisper and listen to self-love and forgiveness: The universe isn’t against me, it is orchestrating a symphony for me, for you, for us. This very moment is a fragment in a universal sea. All that has brought me to this moment was meant to be.

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from…” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Instead of fear, I will be more present to the moment and less challenged by the past. I will step into the now and hold it with gratitude for what I have. It is a serrated edge of simplicity and paramount difficulty to focus on what is — rather than what is not.

I hold a delicate honeysuckle in the palm of my hand. I will taste the nectar; it is the essence of love. It is the life force of nature intertwined with the illusion of reality. Reality is the illusion.

More than once, I once gave away my voice and self-worth yet there is no one to blame. I will carry my heart. I will shelter it from harsh reprieve and I will still open it to learn, give and receive.

My feminine integrity isn’t conditional on the actions of others. My sensitivities are a gift to be shared as well as nurtured and protected. We are all connected to a greater source — a lyrical enterprise of humanity. The crescendo is an immense vibrational energy. I dance and sing with you in rhythmic harmony.

I can feel the heartbeat in a droplet of rain.

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” ~ Marianne Williamson

The healing begins the moment we are born and inhale our first breath and as we exhale our last. We slip into a space of limitlessness; a transformative journey of beginnings and endings. This paradox is cyclical as the seasons of lifetimes.

I’m creating a new path to understand the receptiveness of what is being served. The labels of good and bad are placeholders for a lack of better terms. Language is fraught with limitations. Music, chants and nature intercede to uplift and enhance the messages being presented. Our voices capitulate an effervescent unity.

I step between the blades of grass and swirl my fingertips into a cloud. I am challenging the course of my actions from victim to heroine. I will no longer overly compromise what I believe and to justify inappropriate actions.

I will engrave a line that defines a beginning and end. It glows with a transparent resilience; a protection and mystical calm: I am who I am. The quest to find me is in me. It is a destiny ready to explode, explore, and extricate the pure raw honey of life.

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

How harsh it may seem in the midnight blues when the refraction of light is but a mere ember?

The wind fans my inner flames and dries my tears. I am forever grateful at how persistently loving the universe is at teaching me what I need to learn.

It is a choice:  Either skim the surface and let the waves crash or swim deeper and find the pearls of wisdom, truth, clarity, and love. This love is expansive and cradles the gauze wrapped around a heart healing wound. It extends into my torso and groin.

I’m learning to breathe into the spaces that hurt. Filtering a healing to mend the scar tissue. Each fiber unraveling, expanding, untethered, displaying the bruises, the ruptures of seen and unseen – past lives revealed and released. A lineage of pain halted and surfacing resilient and brighter.

“Your task is not to seek love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

Today is a new day and I will simply focus on exactly what has to be done; rather than attempting to solve it all. I will let the wind caress my shoulders and welcome the scent of fresh roses as they spark a light to see the truth.

 

*****

 

{“It’s a new day, it’s a new life, and I’m feeling good.”}

 

 

Carolyn Riker

Carolyn Riker

Carolyn is a tutor and teacher, writer and a poet who finds comfort and balance in her kids, nature, music and her sweet cat Copper. She can be seen sipping soy lattes, perhaps a beer or wine, depending on her moon-goddess-like moods but often nibbles on dark chocolate. Introspective, forthright, an advocate for kindness and compassion as she intertwines life with yoga, meditation and finds friends of similar truths. She also writes for Women’s Spiritual Poetry Blog. Carolyn's social media vice is Facebook.


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