Transformation: the feel is real, the why is a lie.
~ Photo: Tanya Lee Markul ~
By Liza Baritt.
“Our desires presage the capacities within us; they are harbingers of what we shall be able to accomplish. What we can do and want to do is projected in our imagination, quite outside ourselves, and into the future. We are attracted to what is already ours in secret. Thus passionate anticipation transforms what is indeed possible into dreamt-for reality…Do that which is assigned to you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I had to look up the word ‘harbinger’ which, as it turns out, is something that foreshadows or indicates what will happen.
It just makes sense that before you can realize any goal, it must first be an inkling, a seed. Naturally, the stronger the internal motivation to reach the goal, the more likely you are to approach the tasks necessary to get there with strong resolve. Really wanting something is a huge part of seeing any ambitious endeavor into fruition. Intense desire allows you to tap into deep wells of resilience, to find the grit to keep going amid setbacks. This type of enthusiasm encourages us to frame failure as a necessary stepping stone and slammed doors as opportunities for learning and recalibrating. The world is full of glorious stories about individuals beating the odds, laying it all on the line to accomplish and achieve goals from an indomitable will.
But that is not what this post is about.
Take a look at your current process for judging which of your desires are valid and worthy of pursuit. I can guess that whether you are aware or not, there is a constant filter at work, sifting and sorting and prioritizing. After all, time and energy are limited resources, right? When you listen with non-judgmental awareness, can you notice the ‘shoulds’ and begin to, ever so gently, inquire as to their origin and purpose? Where does the belief that I am supposed to [insert lofty, but misguided, life plan here] really come from? How is the idea that I should be, have or do X,Y or Z serving me right now? The act of bringing awareness to the filter is an act of rebellion in itself. Digging down to the roots of your professed goals may challenge some of their relevance and lead you to question whether they are still meaningful.
We are attracted to what is already ours. If it feels important, then it is important. And if it does not have meaning for you, it is just not meaningful. Get it? Do that which is assigned to you.
What if you stopped filtering and judging your desires through the ‘shoulds’ and ‘supposed tos’? What if the simple fact that you really want it makes it meaningful and worthy? Can you trust yourself enough to embrace all of your desires, even the ones that put you into conflict with others, with your environment, or with your self? What about the ones that are the harbingers of big, scary, reality-shaking change? Emerson reminds you that those daydreams, imagined encounters and visions of yourself in a future life are the generative marrow of life itself. That time spent indulging in these distractions is not actually wasted. It is not just a guilty pleasure, compartmentalized in the realm of fantasy, but rather the key to unlocking your treasured future.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
When you start unpacking the meaning behind your goals and motivations, remember a catchy little phrase a wise teacher once shared with me: “The feel is real, the why is a lie.”
The point is to ask the right questions. And I have concluded that the right questions do not start with ‘Why’. No use going round and round asking yourself why you yearn for more. It is futile to ponder why you so desperately crave the illusive something else. The fact is that you want it and you know this with every cell of your being. That wish is imprinted in your bones and, as Emerson says, projected into the future. So, name the desire. Find a way to articulate it from the warm dark safety of your soul into the sometimes harsh light of day.
Ask yourself: “What’s the next step?” “How will I get my wish?” and “When do I feel the stirring of desire most and least?”
Now before you go and throw yourself off the cliff of desire, launching into hedonistic free fall, pause to check in with the meaning meter.
Lustful longings are not necessarily rich with content for building your shiniest future self. Oh, but they may be! The object of desire, the seductive story line, the unfolding drama, that is the lie. The fact that the desire exists and emanates from you is the only prophetic truth. There is inherent danger in acknowledging want. New goals and interests may emerge. Your life may change. Will you befriend your own longing, invite desire out to play even as you confront its intentions and purpose? The feel is real…and powerful…and transformative.
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Liza is a positive psychology and neuroscience geek with a passion for destination yoga and a lust for connecting the dots. She studies and advises on relationships: to the body, to the spirit, to each other and to the self. Liza works with women and girls as a counselor and yoga life coach. She uses evidence-based practice and cutting edge research on happiness and mindfulness to help individuals thrive. Understanding individual strengths, what makes life meaningful, and building resilience and personal power are the foundations of her therapeutic approach. She believes books are her friends and her happy place does not have a hammock. Liza has big dreams for expanding connections, promoting authenticity, and living with an attitude of abundance and action. Find Liza exploring positive emotions on Pinterest, Facebook or Email.
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{Warm, Dark Safety.}
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