Confessions of an adrenaline junkie.
~ Photo courtesy: Lucy Davies ~
By Lucy Davies.
One of the hardest things dealing with both epilepsy and my spine is accepting and understanding that both these ‘conditions’ are not going to ‘totally heal’, whatever that means.
They are a part of my life that I have to learn to live with, without letting them rule me. I need to learn to manage them and not wait for that elusive day when ‘it’ll all be back to normal’, because that day won’t come. Sometimes you have to know when it’s time to suck it up. This is one of those times. These health challenges are a part of me, but do not need to define me.
My problem — or perhaps my blessing, depending on how you see it — is that in my mind I am an adrenaline junkie.
~ Photo courtesy: Lucy Davies ~
I love extreme sports. I can watch surfers and snowboarders for hours on end. I love climbing. I love kites so big that they can carry you around the world. I love watching humanity pushing themselves against Gaia, working with her. It takes my breath away. I love sand in my toes, and salt-stiffened hair dreaded by cold wind.
I love the simplicity in these sports, the way they all force you to be in the moment. I am so deeply Pisces, maybe in a past life I was a Cetacean. Huge ocean swells and wild winds call to me. When I look out of the window and see trees leaning over in the wind, the hairs on the back of my neck prickle and I can’t wait to get out into the elements.
~ Photo courtesy: Lucy Davies ~
This is all at odds with reality.
I really feel the cold, I’m actually very fearful, and I’m not especially good at any of these sports. I am downright terrified on snow! I hate the competitive too-cool-for-school attitude that is so dominant on the slopes. As I’ve got older, I’ve definitely developed some vertigo as well. Last year, on my probably-all-time-happiest-holiday-in-Europe in Sardinia, I actually had to be helped/pushed/cajoled down from an oversized rock! Hardly the extreme sportswoman of my dreams! But despite all this, in my mind this is me:
I think it’s great that I have this schizophrenic image of myself! It is my dream to make at least some of it a reality. Some of it already is. I am brave, maybe even actually braver than a lot of the people in those pictures. I might not slide into giant barrels and stare down a mountain abyss, but I have stared into strangers’ eyes and not known my own name (and not because I was intoxicated). I have been next to someone I love and been unable to reach out and touch them. I have known when to ask for help. I am no less a rider, no less a surfer. It’s just that the waves and couloirs Gaia sends to me are currently a bit different from other people’s.
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Lucy Davies loves elephants and tea. She is passionate about our planet, health, empowering women and creative education. She watches surfing instead of football, makes toys instead of buying them, and believes in magic -– because if you don’t, you’ll never find it! She has struggled with a variety of health issues, including epilepsy, chronic pain, panic attacks and neuralgia. These challenges have made her stronger, and she hopes to share her experiences with the world through the positive space of her blog, perhaps healing herself and others in the process.
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{I do confess.}
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