Denial. Deflection. Discredit.
Shockingly, I have people in my inner circle who do not agree with my personal life philosophy.
Topics that I feel are no-brainers, like eating organic healthy food, preventive medicine, avoiding processed foods and sugary drinks, nurturing our environment, global human and animal rights — issues that are quite apparent when you get in touch with the We of the heart and move away from the I of the ego.
During these frequent heated discussions, I have noticed a tactic that is prevalent in our conversations. I enter the conversation wanting to find a compassionate ear to discuss my passions, frustrations, and inspirations. Instead, I find a family member who is in opposition of whatever I am saying, no matter what the topic.
A person who thrives on authoritarian confrontation, and whose favorite argument style is what I’d refer to as the 3Ds — Deny, Deflect, and Discredit.
The conversation goes something like this:
1. DENIAL that my topic is even an issue, let alone a serious one. As a Scorpio, once the denial card has been tossed on the table, I seem to lose all sense of choosing a less confrontational route, and immediately hop on my soapbox and begin expounding my viewpoints like an overzealous evangelical preacher.
2. This leads right into DEFLECTION: “Well, if you feel that is an issue, then what about…(insert any topic that has absolutely nothing to do with the current discussion)?”
3. Finally, we land on my favorite, DISCREDIT: “Where are you getting your facts? Bleeding-heart-liberals-R-Us?” At this point, I realize that I have jumped on an all-too-familiar hamster wheel — I am running at top speed, and getting nowhere.
My epiphany? The person who I am in constant conflict with has no desire to listen to, or even try to comprehend, what I am saying. It is not about the issues, it is about winning and being right.
I have been engaging over and over in a behavior that is destroying my peace of mind and creating an environment of conflict.
Through my desire to live from my heart, my ego has hijacked a free ride disguised as righteousness. To continue this conflict day after day can only be summed up by the way-overused definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.
The result will be the same each time: the quality I want most in my life — peace of mind — will quickly fly away as soon as I take that first step towards my soapbox.
Discernment is very important in creating positive change in our lives.
As I turn to walk away from this very unnecessary conflict, a sense of grace and peace wash over my body, and I am open enough to hear my higher self whispering lovingly:
“Use your energy wisely. Hop on your soapbox only when the issue can be heard and there is a possibility of creating change. Speak from your heart and not the ego. Let go of expectation, and if you find that you are pissing in the wind, pull up your zipper.”
Melissa Codispoti teaches Yoga/wellness classes that specialize in mind, body, spirit connection through a heart opening, in a musically enriched environment accessible to everyone. She has been practicing Yoga for over 15 years, and believes the Yoga mat to be a sacred place for self-reflection, healing, and joy. Melissa loves Yoga, qigong, pilates, reading, collecting antique poetry books, kirtan, fashion, philosophy, traveling, and most importantly, being a mama. She is dedicated to human rights issues, and blogs frequently on Distractions of a Yogini.