Finding a partner — the visible 1% that does not matter.
What would you do if there was only one lover for you this lifetime, and this lover was this world?
How would you walk through your day? How would you wash the dishes? How would you pay your bills and do your taxes? How would you take care of yourself? How would you place your foot on the earth each morning? How would you behave if you were late and rushing to get from one meeting to the next?
Would you penetrate the day with uttermost presence and care? Would you open your chest to receive everything the world offers? Would you?
Because I am going to tell you a secret: The way you meet the world is the way you will meet your lover.
In love, it is better if we don’t wait for signs and perfect moments. The person you are so desperately waiting for dwells within you. As we know by now, we always attract our mirror, the one who reflects back to us how far we have come on the road to happily ever after with ourselves.
But this is old news. Where can we go from here? How can we invite the unconscious part of us that is the exact part we look for in another to come out to play? You can get clarity by writing lists of qualities your future partner ideally embodies, but this will only take you so far. We are still working on the level of the mind. In love, we need to literally be out of our minds. We need to access the energetic tone of your ideal partner.
Going woo woo again?
Yes. Because if the universe is made of 1% visible matter and 99% invisible energy, how can we expect that when it comes to finding a partner, the 1% is the only part that matters? It can’t! So get ready. I will give you few suggestions how to call in the One.
Fine print: be willing to be surprised. Be willing to see beyond your lists and requirements and absolutes. Especially if you are not in your 20’s or 30’s anymore, and have taken enough notes and collected enough data. You are allowed to take yourself more seriously now.
1. Ask yourself, who are the people in your current life that eat your energy. You know, the vampires, parasites and mushrooms — the ones that only show up for the feast when you are at your best, and only when they are hungry or too scared to move forward with their own lives — all those souls (in and out of bodies) need to go. Any co-dependency on any level, no matter how sexy and seductive, is no longer part of your tool kit. You are heading to another direction, baby. You are going for the mastery.
2. Cultivate the ability to be alone. Now that there is new energy freed up in your space, take time to clear your circuits. Instead of reaching out to the parasitic connections from the past, reach out to the furthest corner of your own heart and ask, how can I serve you today? How can I make you skip a beat out of ecstasy, or simply just out of pure stillness? How can I ravish you with my limitless imagination?
Meet yourself there. Arrive. Do things that scare the shit out of you — take yourself to the best restaurant in town for dinner. When the hostess asks if anyone else is joining you, let your smile raise from that deepest corner of your sacrum and say: no. Take a trip to a new country. Make love to each new thought that arrives. Sit quietly in your house all weekend. Fast for forty days. Enjoy Valentine’s Day by yourself. It’s up to you. Do anything that will take you to the edge (and beyond) of your own desert.
3. Visualize your future partner. I’m not talking about hair, eyes, body, garage, bank account. I’m talking about bringing them — their energy — into the room where you are, and feeling them. Start by meditating for few moments, and making sure you are seeing yourself inside a golden egg, pulsating the love that you are from the moment of your birth. Invite this other presence to the room. Notice if it has a color or colors.
Slowly bring the energy of that person closer, until your eggs are overlapping. Notice how this shifts your energy. Are you able to hold your egg (your light) while allowing them to penetrate? Are you complementing each other’s fields? Are you better and stronger together? Observe. Pay attention. Remember what this feels like, so you will recognize this light in the coffee shop, on the street, in the laundry mat.
4. Now, knowing who your ideal partner is, make this your daily practice. Bring your energies together. What you are wanting is already there, waiting for you to meet it. Give yourself time. There is no rush. This is a birthing process and it is best if you do not poke the nest too soon. Have patience. Hold your space and keep filling your veins with the nectar of your longing.
Meanwhile, take them in with each move you take. Every sigh you make. Every smile you fake. Let them crack you wide open to their arms.
So next time you eat soaked mangoes, know that you are actually privileged enough to kiss the sun. His bright, yellow, flexible tongue is taking you for a sweet tour around the galaxy.
If you can imagine that, then you can imagine your future life partner.
5. Recognize the habitual need to fill the space. Doing something in the meantime is not going to take you where you want to go. Chances are you will get off course and choose something you see along the way that appears shiny and inviting, yet is not for you. Being bored is a sign that you lack intention. Being restless demands you to pay attention, and notice how much you resist what you are wanting.
Resistance takes many forms: hopelessness, confusion, doubt. Don’t fall for that one, love. The old trick no longer works. God changed the locks. There is no way around it. Want only truth, and nothing but the truth, and by the time you feel content without, you will be granted the golden key that opens all the doors.
Or, actually, by then, all the doors have disappeared and all the walls have come down. All that is left is open space. The heavenly playground of your own imagination, your creative, conscious mind that is not time-bound, but travels and plays with great harmony with your more instinctual sub-conscious, bound to the present like a prisoner waiting for its wild muse to bring wine and delicacies to brighten up the day.
And on that day, you see beyond form, beyond how you would like things to be and you have moved to a place of how things are. And in this place, dear lover, the world and the space you move inside, and the One, takes you like you always wanted to be taken: softly and firmly, with total presence that knows the timeless; quietly while the bells of the nearby church are ringing, making the ground shake like it was time for an earthquake, time for a reset, and time for the final word of the Mother.