It’s Not About Her.
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He falls in and out of love. Marriage, divorce, reluctance…
What went wrong? Why can’t we love the people we want to love? Breaking up with someone you feel deeply about is one of the hardest things.
“It’s not about you, it’s me.” Same old story that nobody likes to hear. Yet, probably the truest statement you will hear in all relationships.
I’m talking about Her, the movie. Haven’t felt so moved by a film in a long time. Besides laughing uncontrollably for most of it, there was such heaviness and depth, I can’t stop thinking about it since I walked out of that theater almost a week ago.
At first I was worried about our generation, afraid that my kids may never get a chance to experience what we call a normal relationship.
Meeting someone by chance, going out for the first time, and wanting to look nice, feeling the chemistry you may or may not have, dating, being afraid of the mother-in-law, etc.
What I noticed about the film is that besides the fact that the way we experience love is different in the modern age, our needs are still the same. We still want to be accepted, we want to be nurtured, challenged, and appreciated.
Since we have changed as a society, technology has played a big role in how we interact with one another. Nowadays, it is acceptable to fast forward the process, to avoid the circumstances in which we would be tricked emotionally or even physically, and opt for the calculated path.
Nowadays, many people want to skip the process of getting to know one another. They fill out profiles online, and if you don’t fit into a category, you are expelled from possibly meeting that person.
People lock themselves into cages with like-minded people inside, and if you don’t belong in the box where certain attributes can be checked off, you never meet. Let’s not get into my hatred for OkCupid…
Her is not a movie about technology. It is a movie about humankind. It is about us, our needs, wants, fears, and our cry for help. I’ve never been divorced, I have no idea what it is like to dedicate your life to someone and have that not work out for you.
However, I’ve had to leave people because they no longer understood my growing process, or because we grew apart. We end up thinking that the right person will want to grow with you, or will understand your process and be part of it in another way.
But at the end, this has nothing to do with the other person. It’s not about Her…
Your demons will come back to haunt you, no matter how many relationships you’ve ended. If you choose to date your computer, that computer at one point won’t be able to nourish you and suffice you with all that you need.
This is the saddest thing about us, and about this movie… the constant search for the next thing.
As we see people more absorbed in their technological lives, their online girlfriends, their Facebook messages, their music on the subway, their games, and their OS systems, we also see a loss for contact and true communication.
As much as this character thinks that he is getting to know this computer program, at the end, it is just a computer program.
The same way that you make someone believe in what you say, and you give them a key into your soul and personality; only you know what is really happening deep inside of you.
Can we really trust each other at the end? Do our intentions change once our feelings become exposed?
Everyone is very focused on finding a person that is perfect for them, few people are trying to be perfect for someone else. It’s understandable, we are sensitive beings, the heart aches, the ego hurts, you should make Me happy, you should make Me feel special. I need you to do this for Me.
It doesn’t happen because it is cyclical, so people go onto their computers and machines looking for options, looking for that illusion to fill in the hole. And they become enamored with what they find, because it is perfect. Of course it is perfect… it is unreal. It is not about Her.
It is about him… his neediness, his loneliness, his perfection, his flaws… they are all his. It is all yours. Instead of looking for a mold to fit the dough, why don’t we knead the dough to fit the mold?
I know nothing about love. But what I know is that technology is the biggest excuse we have ever found to not be better people. Sorry, but we’re lazy.
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A NY transplant via Brazil, Jade Moyano relocated to NY in 2003 to pursue her education in International Relations. She soon found herself surrounded by all kinds of people and their unique stories. No sooner had the time flown by did she realize that those very stories would become the grounding forces to inspire her to write and create. She is now a published writer and founder of jadeamazonia. Someone once said, “…storms make trees take deeper roots,” and with a little bit of commotion people are provoked to share their opinions and values without fear. That is what jadeamazonia is about. It’s a release, a platform, an expression of one’s existence. It is her way of sharing with the world what the world has given to her. Jade is also a Yoga-lover, avid reader, and conscious mind explorer.
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