A Single’s Mindful Manifesto.
By Adedayo Fashanu.
Picture the traditional tale of the single lifestyle, just like what we see in the movies.
This would typically be scenes like partying every weekend, bar-hopping, getting home to the lonely apartment at 4am on weekends, drowning lonely nights in alcohol, watching movies, especially romantic movies or romantic comedies while sitting on a comfy sofa wrapped in blanket and dipping into bowl of dulce de leche ice cream, crying and laughing all at the same time, and then eventually passing out.
Repeat routine, wait for weekend to pop up and make it another night of drowning in alcohol and morning of crazy hangover. Sound familiar!?
Add to that the occasional pick up for a one night stand, the most appealing guy in the bar or club whenever the itch rises for companionship to keep from feeling alone. It’s either that or a drunken text to the ex. I’ve been there!
This is the tale of most singles, we watch it in movies, read it in novels, experience single friends going through this lifestyle…so I guess my question is “when will this stop being the typical manifesto of living the single life!?” When will the tale change and what is a better option?
The major thing that is, in my mind worrisome, is that the materials in our environment, from the movies to the magazines make it okay for this manifesto to be the typical, so we feed off of that and adopt those ideas as ideals for ourselves because…what else is out there saying otherwise?
I love my drink every now and then but I love my green juice more, I love to party but definitely not every night or weekend, I love my dose of yoga and relish in meditation and prayer, I love to have companionship but detest the idea of one night stands. Self-love anybody? Self-worth? I am living single, as an entrepreneur and highly focused on accomplishing my goals just like most other singles out there, but I look around and the only manifesto of single living is mindless living.
So, I decided to write up this manifesto for the mindful singles out there whose paths desire to be less destructive, more creative, highly productive, without the constant itch to find someone to feel complete and without living in desperation for companionship that leads to making poor decisions. This is for singles looking to embrace each moments with absolute joy and warmth without feeling like something is missing, for the free, high energy, creative single who wishes to live more mindfully…
This is the manifesto for the single who wishes to live more mindfully…
Begin the mindfulness journey by practicing radical self-love: cultivate the act of loving yourself first and actually being able to relish in companion with your own self, are you able to truly enjoy your own company?
Radical self-love is allowing yourself to build a deep relationship and connection within, it lies in your ability to treat yourself the way you would like for someone to treat you. It is self-respect, it is self-worth, it is self-regard. It is not self-condemnation, self-bashing or self-hate. It is truly loving the person you see in the mirror and growing fondness for that person to want to actually know that person much better with each day that passes.
When radical self-love can be practiced it becomes obvious in the choices and decisions made; a choice to say no to any thing or act that will be self-harming; a choice to see yourself as worth much more than a one night stand; a choice to choose respectable hang out locations and not places where drugs like ecstasy are being passed around on the dance floor.
Self-love gets radical when mindfulness is incorporated into every decision and action being made that is not self-harming but rather self-growing.
Seek more mindful connections: we are all social beings and craving connectivity is part of being a social being and it’s only very normal to want to feel connected, to want to feel loved by others, to want to feel accepted for — and not in spite of — our differences, to want to feel celebrated and not tolerated and to want to experience fun and a good time with these connections.
Where it all goes wrong is where these connections are created mindlessly, with no positive intentions set, and with no sense of ultimate direction. Other times the locations where these connections are being made speaks a great deal about where the connections are headed. Our connections should be made creating an intention to connect with someone (or multiple people) that would serve a greater purpose in your life, which also indicates that we should be mindful of the platforms on which these connections are established.
Design your life on your own terms: forget the norm, forget what is expected of you, forget what society demands of you that makes you feel inauthentic. I say the essence of mindfulness (mindful living) is authenticity. How can you live as your true self; how do you want to show up in the world; how do you want to be seen in the world?
You have all the tools and all the power to steer your life in the direction you so please, you just have to be more mindful to do it. Living more mindfully requires waking up each day with an intention for the day, being present within yourself and living in awareness of what is going on in your body, your environment and all around you and also showing up when it’s time to do the work.
You can create and curate your lifestyle as you so desire, you can design your lifestyle as you please. You can pick the colors for your furniture. You can decide to make that call that might change things for you. You can decide to only have meals at fancy restaurants anytime you choose to eat out and not feel guilty by it. You can decide to create for yourself the lifestyle you dream of starting now, just by living in mindfulness each day.
Live as a creative species: you are creative, you are a creative being that has every fiber needed to turn abstract into meaning; to turn formless into form; to create something out of nothing. You are a creative being, but you have to realize that for yourself for your creativity to emerge in everything you do.
Living single should be a time to explore all creative aspects of yourself. It should be a time to dare yourself to do more and figure out your creative edge. Max out your brain energy at this time, enjoy staying up late working on that business plan, figuring out those set goals, painting that art work you started working on, starting that blog or vlog, drawing sketches for your design collection, staying up late reading that school work or that assignment you have, or writing that book you always wanted to write.
Whatever it is, become more mindful that you are a creative being. Once you can identify yourself as a creative species, you begin to produce craft and work that will serve the world in unique and magnificent ways due to creations that you provide.
Practice mindful meditation/awareness: break the contours of the single lifestyle as we know it to be, instead of reaching out for that diet soda, become more mindful and go for a green juice instead. If you choose to drink alcohol, become mindful and choose alcohol that you can bear to let last long on the tongue and can actually taste it’s goodness and richness. If you happen to have a hangover from drinking you can still be mindful enough to engage in a hangover yoga routine, and cure your hangover with green juice infused with kick of ginger.
Mindful awareness and meditation can be practiced in everything. Your single life can become a ground to practice and indulge in more mindful living that breaks every norm out there. You can still have your fun but not fun that leaves you feeling guilty and miserable the next morning.
Enjoy the act of creating sacred spaces around your home, bring mindfulness into cooking for yourself, deciding to eat in the best dish ware you’ve got. Enjoy clean living. Get your body moving. Restore a spiritual practice for yourself. Find work that makes you feel alive. Live life with intention and on purpose!
Make every single moment fun moment: it’s your life and you set the rules!
While you are single, you don’t need to compromise with anyone or take permissions from anyone because at this moment you are not sharing your life with a partner. You get to play life with your own rules, so why not have fun with it?!
Explore your body more and build a healthy relationship with your body. Feed your body what it needs and craves, and be mindful of that. Clothe your sacred parts with sexy and nice lingerie (yes, you can do that for you and it does not have to be for someone else) and have fun with that. While sex is important, build healthy sexual relationships, try avoiding multiple partners and restrain from every night out turning into a one night stand. Protect yourself while you have fun, preferably get to know the person first before sexually engaging.
While having companionship is good, be mindful not to act out of desperation. Seek to compliment and not to complete yourself. Make it light and not so hard that you hurt yourself. While fun can be experienced in several ways, be mindful to have fun in these single days and make every moment count.
Have fun — even alone — by taking yourself on trips, trying out new things, being adventurous. Take yourself on dates, have an affair with yourself, travel, explore, live boldly like you know what you are doing. Eliminate fear and live fearlessly!
It is okay to cry sometimes when it really hits, that’s healthy too. It is okay to make mistakes and feel guilty, that’s a teacher too. It is okay to feel lonely and alone sometimes, that’s self-love whispering for a hug. It is okay to be single and to embrace it with authenticity, that’s even much better!
May you live more mindfully in your single days, experience self-love, growth and embrace fun moments while you’re at it!
Adedayo Fashanu is a holistic health and lifestyle development coach. She is the founder of a holistic boutique and personal development coaching company called LifestyleWellbeing LLC. She is a creative writer, lifestyle blogger and soon to be published author of her first book centered on lifestyle, wellbeing and personal development for young enthusiasts. She loves any opportunity to teach on health, holistic living and helping young women to reconnect mind, body and spirit. She hopes to carry on her message of health, healing and personal development by offering individual coaching, group programs, workshops, retreats, and also posting videos through her upcoming YouTube channel LifestyleWellbeing TV. You can connect with her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.