The Muse is not only in the Meadow: 5 Ways to Begin an Erotic Love Affair with a City.
{Photo via pinterest.com}
“Despite all the pastoral romance of musing by a brook, the arts and sciences constellate in the minds of crowded cities — dense, complex, elegant. Cities are novels, poems, dances, theories. They are packed with ideas that tell of the transactions of the Muses. Their mother, Memory, needs cities for the sake of her daughters, that they may flourish, wildly, that they may be honored with libraries and concert halls and theatres, remembered in museums, and permitted private intercourse with poets and painters in the intimacy of conversations.” ~ James Hillman
I’ll admit it. I idealize nature.
I write often of the reprieve that seeps into my barefoot soles after a stroll on the sand. Occasionally, I pick up rocks and shells from the ground, trinkets to remind me of my place among the natural world.
I escape to fairytale forests in my imagination when thoughts crowd my brain like pushy salesmen, trying to get me to buy into the ideas they are selling.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with this, and I will always be a lover of the natural world, longing for mystical mountains and endless horizons, writing of sunsets and silence, of clouds and calm. But, lately, I have begun a love affair with cities (yes, I said it). And it is a magical one.
Perhaps I am one of the poets in the introductory quote, permitted private intercourse with the great cities I am now in a full-fledged affair with.
And so, I invite you into my erotic urban and sultry exchange, with five hints of arousal. Five hints that may allow you to enter into this steamy affair.
An affair that is bound leave you, at the end of your day, sprawled out on your bed with one shoe on, exhausted with pleasure, wondering how it is humanly possible to feel such joie de vivre.
1. Dress Up.
Cities are about culture, art, and fashion. Think of it as a first date, a first impression.
How you feel, when you meet the city, will greatly determine how the city meets you.
Let’s shoot it straight. When we think of touring a city, we usually pick out our most comfortable shoes — usually outdated Nikes (at least I didn’t say Reeboks) that have been at the back of our closet as the poor, castaway child, reserved for dog-walks.
The pavement of great cities deserves better than this. You won’t get very far with your seduction donning white rubber and matted shoelaces.
Now, I am not encouraging you to whisk out your jeweled stilettos here either. But your favorite boots, sunglasses, an edgy hat, a gorgeous coat — whatever it is that has a bit of temptation in it — wear that. Cities love to be tempted.
And soon, the city will begin to pull you slowly down her alleyways into the glistening corners, where tennis shoes aren’t allowed.
I dare to say when we feel beautiful, we notice the beauty around us.
2. Get Sweaty.
Yes, I said it. Roll up your sleeves, get our of your box of tin on four wheels, and walk. Better yet, wander. Meander. Stroll. Get Lost.
What kind of affair can you have with a piece of glass between you and your lover? Erotic connection comes with textures, nuances, touch, smell, sounds, steam, body, sweat. Get in there, amidst it all.
Trust me, not much arousal happens when we are sniffing the fake and nauseating pine smell of our car air-freshener, listening to some horribly over-played Maroon 5 song, while pointing at interesting buildings, munching on potato chips.
That ain’t gonna do it for me, anyway.
3. Connect.
A city is made, literally and figuratively, by its people. Yes, people. You are one. There are others. And magical things happen when we actually look at and talk to one another.
If you’re in a new place, don’t be afraid to sound like a tourist, to ask, to learn a few words in the local language and laugh at yourself when you try to use them. If you are genuine, people will feel you are a lover. When you love their city, people love you. If they don’t, that’s their problem, not yours.
Maybe giggle at the universality of grumpy people (they exist all over the world in all cultures and in all cities), and then move on and find another lover. There are many.
If you live in a city and a lover approaches you, don’t be one of the grumpy write-offs. They are falling in love. Be nice.
If you play your cards right, you get to be a part of their great love story.
4. Play.
Drop your agenda. Play. This one seems simple and yet it is often the hardest. We take ourselves too seriously, especially in cities. But cities are the greatest of all human works of art.
Think of yourself as walking around inside of a giant, enchanted art installation. An installation with great soul, great history, and a great inspired story that founded its making.
Cities have been loved, tortured, manipulated, exalted, praised, erased, painted, written about and on. Their soul holds it all.
Play inside that soul, and you will know when to linger, when to rush on, when to stop, when to catch a stranger’s glance, when to admire the way a piece of cloth falls on a woman’s form, when to laugh because you took the wrong tram, when to have ice cream, when to talk, when to be silent, when to groan, and when to marvel. You will know all of this.
When you play with her, the city will tell you her secrets. Like all great lovers, she has many.
5. Don’t just go for the climax. True pleasure and enchantment is in the in-between.
Every city has its check-list. Its must-sees. By all means, see them. But don’t only see them, and don’t rush from one to the other. And if you can avoid it, don’t try and do them all in one day. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, this could also be a sex-advice column on orgasms. (Was it only me thinking that?)
Eventually, the allure is lost. Imagine going from one orgasm to the next. All. Day. Long. The idea sounds nice. The idea always sounds nice. But, really? At some point, you will want some variety. If not, your stamina will whither (even if you think you are Superman, you are not), and the height of the pleasure will begin to dwindle.
We all know, anyway, the arousal is not in the orgasm. It is in the small things, the in-between stuff that makes a love affair so sweet — the whispers, the unexpected discoveries, the quiet conversations, the soft surprises. Make space for this.
You are writing and living a great love story, not an adult thriller. In going only for the Big O, we lose touch with the way we can cradle pleasurable moments in the fibers of the heart. We forget the enchantment that comes with slow undressing, and (in)significant, lingering kisses.
According to the ancient Greek philosopher Thales, “the whole world is full of gods.”
I do not believe these gods are reserved to the meadows and mountains. They also wait in cafes, loll around the corner of buildings, dance in museums, hide in cobblestones, slide down the sides of skyscrapers, inspire impassioned conversation, frolic on small talk, and whisper the great secrets of civilization. The gods are in the great body of the city.
“We love [cities] because they hold us in their bodies, excite us, exhaust us, don’t let us leave.” ~ James Hillman
*****
{City Lovers}
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