you and me

I Want You Beneath A Red Moon.

Is it okay to say that I want you? Is it okay to say that I love you?

Without knowing how or why, beyond logic or understanding?

Because to say these things is as crazy as being on the verge of outer space without a space-suit — vulnerable, unprotected, annihilated, but totally there with a boundless universe at my fingertips just waiting to be grasped, taken on and explored.

And right now I’m feeling a little crazy. Crazy in a mad-passionate kind of way — with all those phenomenal, nebulous clouds of colored dust (and more galaxies in a thumbprint than there are numbers to count them with) just waiting — on the verge of a big bang right there inside me.

Oh, please let it bang and explode out of me in a riot of cacophonous colors and the glistening shimmer of stardust. Destruction, mayhem, then more creation, ever expanding.

I have traveled life enough to know that there is a time and place, and that wisdom, integrity and patience must reign true above all else — and that time returns always, again and again, in a cycle, like the hands of a clock.

Hours, minutes, seconds — always coming back to the same place they began, yet without a definitive point where they initially started. Caressing, touching, kissing, brushing the face of time.

But hear me when I say: I want you.

I want you Now.

I want you again and again, and also before.

I want you in a place beyond the face of time. A place where the red moon rises every night, over and over again, like it did that night.

How do I know I want you? I don’t know, I just do.

I want you in the red tides that glow hot blue in darkness. I want you in the liquid rock melted red below the crust of the earth where we tread. Like the blood in our veins, pulsing hard and making friction makes sweat, wet in the appetite of such passion. Molten.

I want you like red wants to ride the tail of a hawk flying high in the sky, seeing everything from a superhuman distance. Distances that go beyond what is rational or normal to our common perceptions.

In the red that beats forth from my heart, a cadence that compels — no, forces — me to dance because the beat will break me if I don’t. I want you like freedom that has long been imprisoned. In the primal rhythm of surging blood.

In the heartbeat of life, of red-fired desire and that internal flame that consumes the dark places, devouring all that inhibits, I want you. Like the wicked-delicious red on the bulging, black belly of a widow spider draws me dangerously in, I want you.

Sweetly, softly, like the succulent scent of a deep crimson rose offers bliss, making eyes close… in reverie. 

Heart-stoppingly, mind-blowingly, awe-inspiringly: I want you… Now.

But all these things I can’t tell you, not yet. I can walk with you for a while, be pleasant with you for a while, say Hi and Bye and hug a while. Keeping the intensity of these feelings and thoughts in the shadows of my own eclipse… I will.

Because, as of Now, between us, there is nothing but a red moon in the sky, and tons and tons of shadowed space encasing it, embracing it.

Once upon a cycle of time: a red moon shed a rare and decadent light on something shadowed, and it revealed what was hiding there. Out of red-darkness stepped my muse. From red-darkness poured these words.

Now no longer in darkness (these words?… or you?) but illuminated in the heavenly colors of a red moon that night, I can see it. And as the red moves on, so too do these revelations.

Meanwhile, my gorgeous creature of knowing waits within the shadow to be unleashed upon her wanting. Knowingly, calmly, wisely, contentedly, but voracious and hungry, she purrs quietly to herself:

I want you.

Until the time returns.

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Kristi Stout

Kristi Stout

Kristi L. Stout is an artist, mother, and lover. She considers herself a Renaissance woman, in service of Love in its many forms. It is her belief that inside each of us is our own sacred, Wild nature -- a hidden instinct that is not forgotten as much as it is dormant, like leafless trees in winter. It is the part of us that is connected to all things. A knowing without knowing. The part deep inside that understands darkness is necessary for the moon to simmer silver, and recognizes that even if you’re lost in the middle of nowhere you can always find a sacred somewhere -- like an internal compass pointing true north to your heart center. Her passion project, work in progress, is She Is Wild. You can find more of Kristi’s work here or connect with her on Facebook.