A Loving Pledge To Smarten The Fuck Up.
Let it go. Let it all go. Let the fear go, the past go.
Allow the wounds to just be without worrying how to heal them because believe me, they’re being healed. Just by breathing, you’re healing them. Breathing, putting one foot in front of the other, and hiding your cell phone when you’re drinking so you don’t send regrettable drunk texts.
Choose to push through rather than fall back into those patterns and cycles that you really, really keep hoping will yield different results. They never do, so just stop.
Wake up. Shake yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. Actually, they will, but you won’t listen. Because you’re still holding on to those thin shreds of hope (and that’s exactly what they are — shreds) that the person or job or situation that you’re hoping will change will actually change. But they won’t.
You have to change; your approach, your perspective, your willpower. And respect. You have to change the level of respect you give yourself and accept from others. The picture you’ve been holding of your insides has never matched your outsides. Now is the time to change that, to marry the two.
Make them one. Make yourself one. Break down the walls between the dueling sides of your psyche so you can begin mending that huge fault line in your heart. If you don’t, it will split. Maybe it already has.
But nothing is fucked here. Not completely. There’s always an opportunity for rehabilitation and rebuilding. There’s always a chance to make something broken, unbroken. It just means that you have to change the way you’ve been trying to put the pieces together.
Maybe try not putting the pieces together. Maybe try letting them fall, observing them and allowing some sort of natural flow to take place. Let life do its thing for a while without the white-knuckled grip you’ve been approaching it with.
Try not only releasing the reins, but throwing them overboard and seeing what happens. Try not giving a fuck (in the most loving way possible) and give your fears, anxieties, worries and inhibitions (all of which don’t exist anyway) over to… trust.
Bullshit, you say? Nah. This is where the real magic happens. This is when you stop giving a shit about a bunch of shit that doesn’t actually exist or matter. This is where you find presence. This is where that magical, mystical myth called peace resides. This is where your truth resides.
And this is the scariest, most exhilarating, most panic-inducing change you’ll ever make.
Of course it is. Because it’s the most important one. It’s the game-changing one. It’s the one that matters most and requires the most responsibility, dedication and commitment. So of course it’s the one we push off the most.
And then we return to these passive cycles, these stagnant patterns, these toxic delusions, telling ourselves that this time, things will be different.
Don’t lie to yourself. There’s an entire world of people waiting to lie to you. Don’t do their job for them. Be your own voice of reason. Be your own truth. Listen to your truth. It’s there, waiting. It won’t go away, but it will get frustrated.
And it will manifest circumstances and people to give you that burning reality slap that will rock your life so hard that you have no choice but to see things differently… if only for a moment.
Hold on to that moment. Absorb the truth and shock of it. See it and realize why it’s here. And then smarten the fuck up and act on it so it doesn’t have to hit you so hard again. Don’t manifest a next time. Don’t learn the hard way.
Wake up and be here, now. Respect yourself here, now. Love yourself, now. Because if you don’t, no one will.
Jillian Kristina is changing. Her voice, her tone, her perspective — it’s all changing, and along with it, her word. After almost a decade as an entertainment journalist, Jillian has come to align with a different kind of expression. One that retains elements of the hundreds of lifetimes she’s lived in this one, including all the darkened days and illuminated nights and meandering paths and near-death cliff dives that have brought her here today. And for the first time, she’s exactly where she wants to be — a little more present than she was yesterday. It’s been a while since she published anything so vulnerable, but every time she pulls away from doing it, the void shows up again. So, she’s decided to fill it… and not stop. Follow her on Instagram or Twitter.