Don’t Snooze Your Way Out Of A Relationship.
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For as long I can remember, I have snoozed. I am addicted to snoozing.
It is my guilty pleasure, my defiance of the world, my every morning rebellious ritual. Even if God were to wake me up, I’d ask her to come back again in 10 minutes, and then again in 10 minutes, and please, just 5 more 5 minutes.
I love it. And I hate it.
For a long time, I have been aware of its side effects: drowsy mornings, inability to get out of bed, running late, irritation.
And yet, even though I tell myself every night that tomorrow will be different, when the alarm rings, the bed’s comforting warmth and embrace lures me back into staying for just one snooze, or a few; I tell myself, how bad can just one more be?
On some snooze-free days, I have been amazed at how wonderfully alert I have felt, once I have passed the acute tiredness of the first 15 minutes awake. I know it, and yet I succumb to the snoozing again and again.
Did I mention it is an addiction?
However, it is not only the innocent early mornings that I have snoozed in, but I realize that some time ago, I have also snoozed my way through a destructive separation.
I tried to wake up, I tried to leave, but the longer I dragged it out the more challenging it became.
For as difficult as it is for me to get out of bed, it was just as hard to get out of that relationship. And as out of the question it is for me to avoid hitting that tempting Snooze button, it was just as impossible for me to not accept the re-invitation from that horrid yet irresistible man.
His charm and wit, mixed with a dash of emotional unavailability and a sprinkle of mystical superiority, made the perfect snoozing cocktail for me. And I succumbed often. I was a loyal customer, an eager regular in his never-ending bar. Even when he was not serving, I helped myself.
Did I tell you I was addicted?
My experience and inner wisdom kept shouting at me, time after time, that the next snoozing episode would only deepen the wounding slumber, only worsen the scarring from lingering between dream, nightmare and awakened states, and yet I thirstily pressed our button, knowing the damage I was doing to us.
After some years, I finally managed to fully arise from that absurd sleep, turn off the ever ringing alarm and leave us to go separate ways, realizing our dreams individually. I had finally learned my lesson:
Don’t snooze your way out of a relationship.
As for daily getting out of bed , I still have a way to go…
*****
Erika Ahlsborn, a searcher and traveler from her early days, has roamed many parts of this world and is currently staying put in one particular place. She now travels inwards to reach even further. A wild nurse, an energetic performer, a passionate dancer, a shy writer, she occupies herself as she contributes to global happiness by maintaining a childlike playfulness and appreciation of the little things in life.
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