The Wonderment of Crazy.
By Amanda Hake
“Walking gets too boring when you learn how to fly.” ~ Shakira
I think I walked a long time before I realized I even had wings.
How could a person not realize they had wings? Maybe it’s something you mature into and it happens at different times for everyone.
We grow wings to cope with heartbreak, devastation, or just simply because what you are doing in your life doesn’t match the fulfillment you desire. Wings take us to a new height above all that. We grow wings out of a necessity for change — to feel alive again.
Once I did start flying, my flight path hasn’t always been clear or even probably on the right course. I can’t tell you how many times someone has said to me: I heard you went crazy.
What really is crazy?
I started laughing more. I stayed out late with friends. I made being a better friend a priority. I started listening and opening myself up to different types of music, food, and dance.
A few months prior, I would have never been open to these things. I started volunteering. I guess it seemed crazy to give what was left of my battered beautiful heart to others. I devoured books by the armful. I became addicted to daily inspiration in anything I could get my hands on.
I stopped watching movies and let my life become a scene from one.
I let a guy walk me 20 blocks home in the rain and made out with him in my garage. I danced to my favorite song on a platform in a club on the Vegas strip. I drank wine out of a bottle in a cocktail dress. I injured and made a complete fool of myself trying Yoga, kickboxing, and burlesque.
I became stronger and in the best shape of my life at age 30.
I cried openly over things that touched my heart and loved more fiercely. I finally realized vulnerability is a strength that takes courage.
Everyone thought I was nuts for flying. I was going crazy because I was doing things I hadn’t done before or things previously out of character. I was tired of settling.
I wanted a life worth living.
I will not apologize about those early flight attempts, even if they seemed crazy. Frankly, let people talk. Maybe I’ll be an inspiration for them to dust off their own wings. I was finally enjoying every morsel — every drop this life had to offer. I gobbled it up with an insatiable appetite.
There is a certain amount of joy that comes with being a hot mess. One morning I may wake up to a house on fire and a fireman in the doorway. I’ll still have a smirk on my face as I ask him how long his hose actually is as he scolds me for leaving 1,000 candles in the bathroom lit after a late night bubble bath.
I may attempt a new pose in Yoga and push my body so hard that I won’t be able to move correctly for a week. I’m still blessed to have this body and to attempt such a thing.
I’m never at a loss for company because everyone wants a friend who will get into trouble with them now and again. That trouble may come in the form of a bottle of wine and an escape into the neighbor’s pool without clothes on, or something as sinful as a late night chocolate cake hunt.
That trouble may also come in the form of a divorce, a loss or a heartbreak. Tales of mischief and late night giggles will help most through even their biggest blunders.
Puts her hand over her heart:
In this moment, I vow to always be a hot mess and never be anything less.
I vow to embrace each moment — sorrowful or joyful — as a chance to grow.
Let others pass their judgments — they aren’t really existing.
And when all is said and done, let them say I was a crazy one because that’s the only life worth living.
And what will become of that crazy girl who set the world on fire as she becomes a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother?
I’ll still be just as crazy.
I’ll be the one to suggest a spontaneous trip or an impromptu naked dinner for two with my spouse of 10 years. When money is tight, I’ll insist I’d love my husband even in a cardboard box. I’d make boxed macaroni and cheese and a cardboard house for us to eat it in to prove my point.
I’ll create puppet shows and read to my kids. I’ll teach my kids to dance. And that if they sing — even if it’s terrible — to sing loudly. I’ll play with them and never be embarrassed by fart jokes. I’ll play dress-up and help build clubhouses.
I’ll serve ice cream and cake for breakfast just because. I’ll take my kids to concerts, art exhibits and weird marble museums.
As a gray-haired granny, I’ll play the lotto and host my own card nights. I’ll probably keep a bottle of jug wine for company. I’ll go sailing. I’ll travel to places. I’m going to be the 60-year-old woman teaching your Yoga class. I’ll be the first one dancing on the floor at weddings. I’ll be the one jumping out of the birthday cake at the nursing home.
This life is meant to be enjoyed.
Walking around with no purpose just doesn’t work. Growing wings and recognizing how good it is to fly has given me a new take on life. I’m really excited to learn where I’ll find myself in wonder next.
Wherever the path leads, I’m sure that it won’t be my last adventure.
Amanda Hake is an aspiring Lois Lane and part-time unicorn, who spends her days getting lost in the right direction. She has a fearless thirst for life that inspires others when they have lost that spark. She is notorious for her giggle-fits and wicked sense of humor. Her true calling is to be a firecracker in the dark. She loves running muddy trails, and Yoga on the days which she must spend indoors. She plays well with others and does her best to not run with scissors. Although, sometimes it takes risk to really see our full capacity and stumble upon happiness.