poetry

Healing The Heart Of The Abused & The Abuser.

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Among the natural beauty and good hearts in this world, many live in a world of suffering oppression, abuse and suppression.

Why?

We have allowed our experiences to hold us hostage. We allowed ourselves to believe in lies. We have been stuffed so far down into the depths of the earth that we have been lost in the mud. Yet our hearts cry to be free.

I do not talk about this much because it is a story from my past, however, it’s important to a cause that is dear to my purposeful heart.

Healing hearts, healing humanity and creating a new world.

One evening, I was enjoying a party with my friends. I ended up having too much to drink and passed out in a bedroom. I was barely conscious. I then felt kisses on my neck and face, then lips. I could not move, yet I could feel. I was talking in my head, but no one could hear me.

I kept saying, “Please just leave me alone… No, please get off of me…” As much as I enjoy loving intimate moments, this was not one of them. He undressed me and continued to use my body for his enjoyment and pleasure.

I was nothing but a toy and a joy ride to a young, hormonal, intoxicated cocky football player who somewhere deep inside knew better. I could not fight back, and what I find more interesting is that no one stopped it.

The next morning, I woke up and it felt like a terrible dream. I just cried. Everyone was gone but a few people. The host was a friend of mine and friends with my older brother. When he saw me come out of the room, he looked terribly confused.

He asked me what was wrong, and I told him what had happened.

He was told a different story.

We lived in a small town, where everyone knew each other and I did not want anyone to know. I would deal with it on my own. He drove me home and I sat in the shower and just sobbed for what seemed like hours. I was 16 years old.

I did not share this with anyone for many years and took the lonely healing path and found healing in meditation, contemplation, nature and a variety of holistic healers. Many friends and family were stunned and/or outraged.

They wanted justice, and I told them that justice has happened, there is nothing more I need to do. I just needed to take care of me.

I was determined not to play the victim. I was determined to see this experience as a lesson of love and compassion for myself and others. I chose to see this as a cry for help. There were many lessons offered in this experience, and one of them was to speak.

Speak your heart, speak your mind. Do not be silent. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, everything happens in perfect timing, and that the strongest, kindest, loving people go through the most hell.

We could get lost in the coulda, shoulda, woulda of our stories. This is how mine played out, and now I speak.

Now, I am breaking the chain.

Now, I rise.

We all have our individual stories of emotional, mental or physical trauma, abuse and violence.

I see it as humanity’s cry for help and healing.

As a human race, we have witnessed women of all cultures and creeds suppressed, oppressed and abused.

How do we stop the violence?

We speak. We rise up.

We heal hearts, the abused and the abuser — for we have all been hurt in this cycle.

On February 14, 2015, I invite you to join 1 Billion Rising to stop violence against women. There are events worldwide that are drumming and dancing in support of ending violence and breaking the chain.

Let us show the love we have for each other and join us in Washington DC or find an event in your area.

Together we rise.

 

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Cassandra Bellarei
organic goddess + lover + healer + mother + mentor + priestess + writer + teacher + rebel + spiritual junkie + trojan earth angel.
Cassandra Bellarei
Cassandra Bellarei

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