Dealing With Guilt & Shame: A Body Doesn’t Lie.

{Photo credit: fashionshot.blogspot.com}

{Photo credit: fashionshot.blogspot.com}

“Love is that condition in the human spirit so profound that it allows me to survive, and better than that, to thrive with passion, compassion, and style.” ~ Maya Angelou

Balancing on an apex of light and dark, she plunged into a trajectory of push and pull.

Smashing up against an invisible force, a sensation wrapped around her arms and chest. She was trapped under barnacles, chains and locks. She needed to swim and break free from the heavy weights, fused to a lineage of torment.

Scorching words poured forth, haunting and chiding, but she didn’t flinch in her usual way. She reached for her sword and began to fight.

She was facing a fiery hell of past and present.

She cut through layer upon layer of illusive shackles, each one releasing a prolonged pressure. The tightly coiled strings were loosening and her winged upper back began to sprout lustrous feathers. She filled her vacant lungs with breath and let out a prayer-like sob of rancid pain.

The weary weight of letting go and surrendering is a far, far cry from giving in.

It is a proclamation of a warrior.

Her quest began to unravel a mystery; to fight and redefine her life. It was one she was born with, but had to be aborted by successive negative circumstances.

In her internal onslaught, she needed to meet face to face with her antagonists. She opened an ancient double-hinged door. The heaviness was tremendous. The circular iron rings pressed cruelly into her palms. She remained focused on a vision branded into her being and tattooed on her soul.

She wedged her weight and ripped the doors of fear and shame apart.

There she stood, center stage — no longer a spectator but the focal point. A script was given to her by an Elder Spirit, and she began to read:

The process of healing begins when you have been seen and heard. In a former life, you were a victim of circumstances but it’s not who you are.

It was not your fault. You are so much more.

Your spirit was sold far too often as a way to survive. Your berated soul wasn’t able to see in any other way. Your inner wisdom has always been there. Listen and you will find a new way.

Along this journey, there will be fresh voices — those who will believe in you — and together you will unlock new doors.´

You are no longer on autopilot.

Scar tissue will be carved out and you may remember tragic snapshots, but from a safe distance and reconstruct anew.

Our pain speaks a coded language. When we coil inward and emulate a golden ratio, we unlock the keys to answers within our own questions. We can become consciously aware of an unconscious code streaming in through the waves of our day and night visions. It will be translated to teach truth during these critical parallels from one element to another.

Your body doesn’t lie. It hurts.

No longer will it be part of the violence that denied and defied you. You are ready to dive deeper and find the pearls buried in the echelons and labyrinth of your spirit.

Your guilt and shame have splintered far too long to accept a whitewash of feelings or to listen to tales spun of gossamer false gold. You won’t accept platitudes of well-wishes and syrupy chants:

Everything is fine or you were wrong.

You are beautiful and have survived with a creative and intelligent, sensitive life force.

You will breathe in a delicate space of navigating a balance of healthy and what is not. As you embrace life with passion, you will continue to expose light onto the bare threads of darkness;your task is self-love and to help others.

Learn, create, teach, lead and expand. It is here you will thrive. Your flexibility will strengthen your boundaries; deftly you will maintain an ebb and flow. You are like the wind and as expansive as the sea. Your eyes see clearly the visions in a star-filled night. You are in union with the sun and the moon. Tears escape, as a form of release. Let them.

Containing you is impossible for you are also a vortex of liquid fire.

You are more than able to navigate this voyage, for you have the innate ability to create buoys of protection along the way.

The script warmed her hands and she felt an awareness unlike ever before. Feelings and images surged in rapid succession. Her mind and body made a startling connection:

She wasn’t pieces or parts of anything, but an exquisite abstract mosaic. She was whole and complete just as is.

The spotlight was aimed at a familiar burning ache, and she heard a voice from her gut. It touched her heart.

Thank you for not giving up.

It was her Spirit.

I know, because I finally felt joy in my heart.


Carolyn Riker
Carolyn Riker, M.A., LMHC, is a counselor, teacher, writer and poet. She currently writes for several online journals such as Women’s Spiritual Poetry blog and formerly Elephant Journal. A collection of her work is on her blog, Magic of Stardust and Words. Her poetry and prose have been featured in three books. Between sips of coffee and navigating life via the stars and moon, Carolyn leads journal-writing workshops and has a private counseling practice. Additionally, she’s in the process of completing her first collection of poetry and prose, available in the fall of 2016. Followed with a bit of magic, there's a children’s book too.
Carolyn Riker
Carolyn Riker

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