you and me

Reasons a Girl Decides She Isn’t Beautiful: I Didn’t Have a Choice in Loving You.

{source: behance.net/raviroshan}

{source: behance.net/raviroshan}

 

I remember the first time I met you. I didn’t think you noticed me until you smiled and gave me a thumbs up when the song I requested came on the jukebox.

You always loved me for the choices I made;

I didn’t have a choice in loving you.

Reasons a girl decides she isn’t beautiful:

* Photoshopped magazine covers

* Cheerleaders in gym class

* Posters in lockers of girls she will never be

I used to be scared of you. Not like the movies where the girl is tripping and falling while she runs away. But the kind of scared where I kind of hoped I would trip and fall.

* Anyone named Ashley

* Not getting the memo that nobody wears that brand anymore

* The kid in advisory who asks if you gained weight

I thought maybe you were joking when you told me I looked even more beautiful after I washed off my makeup. I went to sleep wondering, but I saw how you looked at me drinking coffee in the morning.

You looked at me with eyes that weren’t joking even a little bit, and I am not usually someone who prays in someone else’s kitchen on a Sunday, but I said a prayer that those eyes might never change.

* Thighs without a gap

* Shoulder-length hair

* Being asked if you’re tired

You taught me that my body is a novel, and you chose to read me letter-by-letter instead of word-by-word. I learned more from you in an hour than any class I’ve ever taken, even though I used to say AP science changed my life.

I always wondered if Mrs. Lockwood made up the answers when students asked ridiculous questions.

I believed every single word you said.

* Overhead lighting

* Pants that don’t fit anymore

* Asymmetrical eyebrows

It wasn’t until you left me that I knew I wanted you to stay. You said it was important, I watched out the window and held my breath for what seemed like an eternity. You returned with flowers.

You always found me better than you left me.

* Forgetting to put your hand on your hip in pictures

* Eating too much salt the night before

* Bumps on the back of your arms in winter

I always lived a life thinking I was supposed to find the answers to my questions. You were an answer that led to so many more questions but for the first time in my life I believed that everything was going to be okay.

I decided I’d rather hold your hand and talk about the shapes in the clouds than worry about what was going to happen tomorrow.

I didn’t tell you this then, but they all spelled your name.

I forgot what I was listing when you walked in and shut my laptop to kiss me. You have a funny way of interrupting me right when I need you to.

Was I listing the reasons I know I’m beautiful? That’s easy.

* You.

***

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Macaile Hutt
Macaile Hutt believes the best perfume is Idaho mountain air, the deepest laugh often comes from the mouth of a child, and coffee is the answer no matter the question. She has had to learn the hard way that some words ache until they are said. Find your voice and let it be heard. Macaile would like you to join her on Facebook or her website, as you take your own heart and live this beautiful life in search of perfect moments in such a way that every moment becomes perfect.
Macaile Hutt