A Letter For My Ex-Lovers.
Thank you for breaking my heart. For breaking my trust. Breaking my will. Thank you, once, for breaking my face.
It was all worth it. He is all worth it.
He has all of your good parts (there were many) and none of your bad. Don’t think that I look back without some fond memories. There was fun and there was passion and there may have even been love; love of the kind that comes from hurt people looking for each other to keep their sad hearts warm. Lonely souls and colder nights.
My life is all worth it. It has all of the good things that I always wished for and you always looked down on. Never did I feel smaller or less worthy than when my life, my self, the very core of me, was seen through your eyes.
But I never have a day that I do not go to sleep happy with the way things turned out. The way I turned out.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever get there — the place where things went well and I was content. You certainly did your best to disabuse me of the notion they would. That I would never be good enough, or smart enough, and I was too this and so that and way too much everything.
Waking up every day and never having to hear you sigh your displeasure, or see your rage over laundry done improperly, or feel your touch cool as you left me long before you left me…
It was all so worth it.
I hear pleasure, in our silly laughter, in sighs of contentment. I see joy in smiles, just for being me — all of the imperfect me. The me that drove you mad, that somehow, someway, someday, ended up being perfect (for him). I feel loving touch and it is always warm and welcoming.
Never have I felt bigger or braver or higher than when seen through his eyes, and see me, the me I always wanted to see, reflected back.
And to finally have all of it?
So. Worth. It.
All of it.
You tried to break me — your cruel words, manipulative games, careless behavior. You tried to make me believe that I was not worth it.
I am strong. I didn’t break. But I did change. Like heat to metal in the forge, these experiences created a shift in the girl you knew, and I grew stronger still. I bent and I became wiser. I took a shape, and in that shape, I found myself.
And there, I found out…
… All of that time, I was always worth it.