Learning How To Accept Love As Real Women.
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“I’m so proud of you!”
My heart warms with affirmation as our sweet little receptionist leans in for a grandma-like hug at the end of the day.
“… Jes, I’m so proud of you for cooking… some women don’t even try! Why is it popular not to know how to cook now? It’s a disgrace… you’re a real woman.”
A real woman.
Truly, I thought she’d have some compliment for how I conduct myself in the realm of my profession… but no, happily sharing chicken recipes has sufficed as a display of my womanhood.
I’m still appreciative.
This weekend I made chicken and dumplings… I’ll be sure to tell her on Monday.
Womanhood.
We don’t cross over all at once…
In pieces we carry ourselves over the threshold of what it truly means to be a woman…
It definitely doesn’t come at a certain age.
We all know plenty of grown-ass women who don’t have it together… at all… folding like children, acting like teenage girls (or worse even), and disgracing us with behavior far sadder than not knowing how to make enchiladas.
“Gawd… girls like that are ruining it for everyone else… no wonder men think we’re all freakin’ crazy.”
“It’s screaming insecurity… she needs to chill.”
She did need to chill… but I also needed not to judge so harshly.
That’s my womanly reflection.
Because I’ll postulate, here and now, that the cornerstone of true womanhood is learning how to accept love.
I say accept love before give love… because if years of platitudes have taught us anything… it’s that you can’t truly love another, until you learn to love yourself.
Acceptance.
Acceptance of your own unconditional worth.
Acceptance of love from those who love you dearly.
Do you know how difficult this is?
Because if accepting love is the cornerstone of womanhood — it’s a miracle any of us make it… for goodness’ sake, we can barely take a compliment!
“You look really good. Have you lost weight?”
“Ha ha… thanks, but no, I’ve actually gained five pounds… and I scarfed two cinnamon pop tarts on my way over…”
The thanks is always fleeting, because the sentiment is never accepted.
“Great job today! I loved your presentation.”
“Aw, thanks, it wasn’t that hard… no big deal.”
No big deal?
I’m not saying we should tout our successes all over town, or accept compliments with an air of arrogance… as if to say, “Yea, glad you noticed. I’ve been operating on Level Awesome for a while now.”
But let genuine affirmation sit with you. Let it simmer… until you start to believe it.
Until you accept it.
Because you are deserving.
You are worthy of love.
Insecurity will always be there… but real women practice acceptance daily, and are able to combat the bad days by accepting them too… and taking solace in the better ones ahead.
Real women are hopeful.
They have to be, in order to find the good in everyday situations… to humbly accept an obscure cooking compliment when their pride wants to further qualify their existence…
To be gentle to others who haven’t learned to love themselves… not with supercilious pity, but with true kindness.
Real women are kind.
Real women are soft… compassionate…. and freakin’ hilarious…
Because they’ve learned to laugh… at themselves… at love…. at life.
Real women are fearless.
They know from experience when to speak up and when to sit down. Exhibiting discretion… and acknowledging there is a time and place for both.
And it goes without saying, they are strong.
So very strong.
Because to gracefully carry the weight of compassion, with a beautiful lightness, takes practice… patience and endurance.
I’ve surrounded myself with so many beautiful women — who inspire, encourage, and motivate me to be a better woman myself.
And with men who appreciate (even if they’ll never truly understand) the dynamic mystery of womanhood… I find mutually synergetic relationships… built on respect. Accepting and giving respect is a necessary element of love.
I’ve got so much more to learn, but I go forward boldly as a real woman…
And if you’ve ever heard me sing Carole King classics out on my porch late at night… there’s no doubt I’m confident… the way a real… Natural Woman… should be.
*****
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