Somewhere Between Passion & Long-Term Love Stories.
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Love is based on idealizing.
We crystallize on people’s qualities and tend to conceal their faults, unknowingly. But time progressively removes the crystals they used to wear.
That’s why sometimes, after a few months, or a few years, steady relationships tend to become not enough. We miss the sparkling encounters of the first dates, the first rainbow touches and nights thrilling under stranger hands. Little by little, routine sets in, leaving us a bit dissatisfied.
We miss passion.
We wish we could feel once more our heart burn and see in our lover a kindred spirit with whom everything could be shared.
We start, first unintentionally, to search for someone else who could bring more.
Sometimes, our search is even more profound — especially the case for independent souls. We long for finding some other crazy spirit to draw endless speaking nights with. Someone who would be adventurous, maybe fond of traveling or crazy about arts. Someone who would make our mind wittier than ever, our body vibrate.
We get to look for The Love — the one who would connect our mind, its fears, its flaws, all its childish regrets and golden hopes to another twin spirit. The man of our dreams would bring sun even on winter cloudy days. He would stroll around in our head, all day long, all night long, leaving sparkles in all its recesses.
Of course, that guy would be crazy in a way, and as all shiny and smart people, he would attract the others like a magnet. In the end, he would be similar to a hero of a teen TV show.
And then we finally meet him. By chance.
As it is for each important moment of our lives, this encounter brings a spark of magic. We surprise ourselves by thinking that this guy has been put on our road by some kind of divinity. We know deep inside that more is on the way.
It is an indefinite impression, absolutely irrational, but we feel completely drawn to that man. In a way, we know that this instant will be kept somewhere in our mind. Stored as a full-of-promises jewel.
Of course, he seems to be feeling the same way. And he says so. The chemistry is engaging, fingers entwined, as ribbons to our hearts. Things go on, from date to date, from romantic evening to frenzied night. We discover similarities and feel deeply attracted to one another.
However, passionate love may be deceptive, misleading — an illusion.
The guy of our dreams progressively shows his true colors. He has flaws as everyone does, but that is not the issue. The thing is he keeps seducing people deliberately and searching for new adventures.
Yes, he remains simply fascinating, able to speak to anyone about almost anything, and that’s how we got to like him that much. But under this golden attitude, superficiality, and above all, a desire to flutter around, are hiding.
It’s the other side of the coin, and the more glimmering it used to look, the darker the wrong side is.
We get to feel betrayed, because in spite of his loving eyes, fascinating strokes and our endless talks, it looks like there will be no future. His heart doesn’t seem to speak the same way as what he shows on the outside. He tends to be frightened by any form of involvement.
When we want to talk about these, he avoids the discussion. If we mention holidays or plans, he says he needs to think about it. If we allude to being in love with him, he gets nervous, or says we have not known each other for that long.
There is real inconsistency between the affection he seems to show, physically, and what he actually says.
Yes indeed, meeting him was magical. And we may always remember our deep soul connections and our inflamed kisses. However, we don’t get to understand him.
Little by little, it becomes clear that being single was a clear choice for him. He lives with only ephemeral love stories.
He was, he is, and he will remain, a butterfly-minded man. Us is nothing but an ephemeral passionate romance.
Deep down, we can now see that being with him was not that much better compared to our steady relationship. It brought distinct advantages and disadvantages, maybe even worse. Because we could not trust that man. We did not feel at peace with him.
All the attractive features of love probably will not be found through a sole relationship. Therefore, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Thus, shall we stay away from passion in our relationships? Probably not, because we wanted these smoldering feelings to spice up our days. And that’s how we learn; it brings us to paths we would never stride across otherwise. Maybe we needed to go through it to reach this conclusion.
However, we shouldn’t hold responsible our calm and gentle love stories when we feel bored. We simply need to keep the flame alive. Most of the time, those have clearly the merit of being strong and honest.
Each kind of love comes with its set of advantages and disadvantages. Passion itself is not perfect and may not answer all of our needs. Routine is not always the enemy, it often turns the everyday life into a soothing cocoon in which we can be ourselves. Both may be valuable.
It is up to each of us to determine what we are truly looking for, at a given moment. Our expectations may evolve through time. Occasionally we will be looking for a shaking love story, sometimes we will dream of the serenity of a long-run romance.
We should start listening to our hearts, try to understand what we are really expecting from love… and determine the best way to deal with our wishes.
*****
Sophie Gregoire is a thinker. You may often find her with a new idea or a new concept to explain, holding a notebook and pencil. Also found reading and writing, she is more than anything an independent soul. She enjoys traveling and getting lost in new places, namely in Asia. She says it helps understanding our worlds, its people and the humankind. She loves writing to transform her endless thoughts into some kind of reality, and to keep the little piece of sanity she still has. She savors coffee, encounters, Yoga and meditation, and cats… while her own cat is her greatest muse! You could contact Sophie via Facebook.
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