Let’s Change The World, One Man At A Time.
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What does it really mean to be a man?
I’m serious. I want to know. I am the mother of boys, so this keeps me up at night.
Looking at how the media portrays men, it means being tough. Emotionless. Strong. Violent. Taking what is desired: things… people. Boys will be boys. Men who are incapable of withstanding their own urges and acting on them, whether they are hurtful or helpful.
Then I look at my boys. They are 10 and 12 years old, both on the cusp of puberty and manhood. What type of men will they be?
I am raising my boys to be sensitive and smart and open and considerate. To use their intelligence to make the world a better place. To exercise their sensitivity to stand up for those who are oppressed, bullied or otherwise downtrodden. To see wrong, and look for ways to make right.
Polite young men, who say Please” and Thank you and hold doors for me and all women (most of the time). Letting them know it’s okay to hug their mum in public, and cry when they are hurt, and to say what they are feeling.
When they hug me and say, “I love you, mum”, it lights my world.
I want them to find and love women who appreciate their expressions of love, so they can light their worlds as well. I want them to be different from the men I see in the world today.
I recently watched a video of an adorable 2-year-old boy at the doctor’s office with his dad, getting his vaccinations. His dad was holding his hand and encouraging him to be a man. His smiles turned to tears as he received his shots, one after another.
Rather than telling his son it’s okay to cry, he knows it hurts, he told him to stop crying and be a man. No crying now and Stop crying were repeated. When all was done, he didn’t stop until the 2-year-old pounded his chest and growled, “I’m a man!” And the video ended.
The person who posted this praised the father for being a great dad.
I found this profoundly sad.
Although do I think it’s great that the dad brought his child to the pediatrician for his immunizations, that’s an entirely different article. Frankly, I do not want my friend’s daughters to date the man this child will become. I do not want my 19-year-old niece to date the man this child will become.
I do not want any woman to date the man this child will become. “I’m a man!” will become his war cry for his life. Any time he feels any emotion, rather than express it, he will bury it and instead will proclaim, “I’m a man!”
But Society and The Media are tough adversaries.
“The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead, patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves.
If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.” ~ Bell Hooks
I watched an interview with Chris Pine on The Late Late Show with James Corden, discussing his emotional moment during the Oscars, where he cried a single tear while watching a musical performance. When asked if he got any stink for it, or was it okay, he replied, “A lot of people gave me a lot of crap for it.”
He was watching a moving performance and was not the only person to cry, but this man’s single tear was newsworthy and he was mocked.
We live in a violent world, where women are assaulted daily by strangers, friends and loved ones, wars are raging, bombers are blowing themselves up in front of banks and intentionally killing dozens of people, police are shooting unarmed people as they run from them.
What we need in this world are more men who will acknowledge emotion. Men who can acknowledge, as well as allow themselves to feel and express all emotions.
We need more men whose modus operandi is honor and respect for all sentient beings: animals, other men, and women.
And I believe it is up to us, the mothers of boys, to change this. Like the line from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the man may be the head of the house, but the woman is the neck.
Let’s band together, Mothers, Grandmothers, Aunts, and everyone else gifted with the honor of raising male children.
Let’s start a movement and change the world, one boy at a time.
Will you join me?
*****
Kendra Hackett likes to do things in twos: she has two sons, two jobs, two cats and two bookcases filled with books. She has an insatiable curiosity about life. She is a massage therapist, corporate recruiter, yogi, avid reader and traveler. When not being a mom or working, she can be found playing French horn in a community band, noodling on either her guitar or piano, or singing and dancing in the kitchen while cooking. You can check out more of her writing on her blog or on Facebook.
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