Caught In The Crossfire: Loving Those Mired In Dysfunction.
There have been periods in my life where my heart was so shattered I could not breathe, moments where the pain has broken me open.
It was precisely in those moments, when I was most in need of love, that I attracted the most painful types of men.
Sometimes it is our wounds that draw us to another, the broken promises and empty dreams that have carved into our soul. Rather than celebrating the light and love within the other, your relationship becomes dependent upon darkness.
It is precisely your weakness that is ultimately required for the longevity of the connection. You become two battle-weary soldiers who have lost their way in life, exchanging confusion and self-hatred. You thrive on the other’s inadequacy, conspiring against their strength.
As the relationship grows, the darkness envelops you both. You can no longer see your own reflection clearly as you both have invested in pain. Love no longer a possibility, you have traded the truth of your existence for a lie.
Co-conspirators are needed along the way, alcohol and drugs become comrades. Remaining numb and unaware is the only way to endure something masquerading as love, yet so inherently painful.
I constantly blamed myself for the emotional unavailability of the men I dated, never realizing that the problem was originating from within. They chose alcohol over me, other women, and superficiality. I was continuously drawn to men who were not capable of substance, so I could remain invulnerable.
If I am unable to get close to a man emotionally, how painful can it be when he inevitably walks away?
There is ultimately only one thing that stops dysfunction in its tracks: love. When you finally realize that you are worthy of more and that you deserve to be loved exactly as the person you were placed on this earth to become.
Once self-love is ignited, these relationships die quickly. No longer are both collaborating on a lack of worth. When one decides to claim their own power, they let go of the rope. The other attempts to convince you of your inherent flaws, the fact that another will never truly love you.
Sometimes we stay small because it breaks our heart to leave those we love behind. There is compassionate dysfunction, whereby we thwart our own ability to heal in exchange for the others’ peace of mind. We break our own hearts so that we do not have to break theirs.
As well-intentioned as it may be, the truly noble path in life is one of self-love. Vouching for the love and life that you deserve, as the two are inseparable. You deserve as much love as you can find in this world, and when it is time to leave the darkness behind, you must do it.
Please do not squander your beautiful heart and soul to justify the actions of another. It was never your broken heart to fix, you are only responsible for your own.
I promise you, even if you do not feel it, that you are beautiful beyond measure. Do not allow another to convince you that you are lacking in value. There is nothing that you must become other than your own advocate.
Once you wear all that you are with true beauty and grace, you will attract your equal, someone who loves you as much as you now love yourself.
Cherish Osborne is a writer from Melbourne, Australia who is using her newfound self-love to set her life on fire. In a former life she studied both Psychology and a Master of Social Work, but discovered she was passionate about holistic healing and working with women on their own journey to self-love. Wander over and check out her blog.