I Choose To Be Love & Light In Each Moment.
I arose this morning as the sun began filtering through the windows, along with the cool breeze. Alone in my cushy, over-sized bed, having done nothing the night before except enjoy some good food, a nice Spanish red, and a book… by myself.
The night before, I was enjoying the rarity of an empty house as all my kids were busy doing their own thing. I thought about joining in the celebration downtown at the culmination of the Cherry Festival. I almost decided to go to my lover’s house and enjoy a quiet evening with him and his children.
In the not-so-distant past, I would have just stayed home feeling sorry for myself, shedding some tears over the fact that I’m a 41-year-old single mom of four spending one of the few nights where I don’t have to get up early to teach, alone with no exciting plans for the weekend… but last night something shifted.
I sat down and looked around at all the books and journals I have been reading, rereading and writing in. I have been creating an advanced Yoga teacher training program at the studio where I now teach and I thought about what I talked about in class earlier…
Holding such a strong intention of how you wish to create your life… your deepest desires and most genuine truth… that you are literally standing in limitless possibility for how you choose your life to unfold and build up around you.
A little blurb on Facebook that morning from Rolf Gates set this idea in motion. It was a synthesis of things I have talked about in my classes for years.
I then remembered Echhart Tolle’s book A New Earth… that I put on my recommended readings list for the program I am creating. I was rereading some of the things I had underlined.
“If in the midst of negativity you are able to realize ‘At this moment I am creating suffering for myself’, it will be enough to raise you above the limitations of conditioned egoic states and reactions.
It will open up infinite possibilities which come to you when there is awareness — other vastly more intelligent ways of dealing with any situation.”
Since my divorce, I have been grappling with the one aspect of my life I feel lacking in… having a partner to share all of the beauty, chaos, routine and remarkable moments that are life. I see all these people around me as having accomplished this elusive existence that has been so ingrained in my mind as the ultimate goal.
Last night I felt for the first time that I was truly okay just being alone. I had felt glimpses of this before, but last night I chose to never go back to a negative place for long. If I need something, I will find it.
I am not dependent on anyone but myself, and through this process of rewiring my brain, when any counter-intuitive stuff creeps back in, I trust that I am so much more powerful than it all.
Even my insecurities and labels began to fade… I am not a Yoga instructor with thighs a bit larger than I would like. I am not a single mom of four, struggling to pay the bills and be there the way my kids need me at any given time.
I am not a woman who wishes she had someone who was just for her, like it seems everyone else around her has.
I am a spiritual being, greater than this human body and constructs of our society… I am pure love and joy, and am setting down any insecurities, judgments and limitations, anytime they rise up.
I am going to radiate the energy of love and possibility at my highest frequency, not just in my classes but simply going about my daily life no matter when and where.
This is my daily work. All those who have been in my life have taught me just what I needed to know to now choose to be love and light in each moment, everyday.
Having this choice is the ultimate freedom.
Sara Rhinelander is a student, a teacher, a mother, a yogini, a philosopher, an anthropologist and a lover of life. She has been a Yoga practitioner for over two decades, and a Yoga teacher, something that continues to enrich her own life, for over a decade. She is registered through Yoga Alliance as an E-RYT 500. Her heart will always have a place in the majestic mountains of North Carolina, but she now lives in Traverse City, MI, with her four children. She is a climber, a snowboarder, a hiker, a SUPer, a lover of nature and the outdoors. When she is not teaching or practicing Yoga, you will find her in her kitchen cooking organic vegetarian fare, in the middle of a forest or somewhere around or in the water. She believes life is a blessing, she trusts in love, an unconditional open heart, in finding the strength to get up each time she is knocked down on her path, and putting herself back together again, stronger and wiser than before. She truly believes in the absolute perfection of the present moment. You can find her on Facebook here or here.