you & me

How To Stop A Break-Up From Becoming A Breakdown.

When we break up, we go through every emotional cliché in the book.

We become the cliché and it is pathetic — so clearly pathetic, isn’t it? Barely having the energy to get out of bed, we get out of our void to do the simplest of things and we don’t want to breathe; it is so incredibly hard to breathe.

The gamut of emotions that we run through is raw, gut-wrenching and very real.

We want the world to know we were wronged. We want to scream, to cry and rant, yet the world is suffering too, so what do we do? Retreat.

We tend to go into a dark place, bleeding for someone who doesn’t want us, need us or care. We become the epitome of crazy-talk, crazy-love and just crazy, period, as we totally lose sight of who we are.

We want our ex’s to feel our pain, know our ache, and die a thousand deaths with us — but they don’t. We want them to come back to us, admit their decision was a mistake — but they won’t. We long for them to make one last gesture in recognition of our broken ego, broken heart and our broken world — but they are gone. Long gone.

Why do we do this?

Why do we sacrifice our integrity (without thinking twice) for someone who dismisses us, who is done with us and is walking on without us just to drown in our own pool of sorrow? Why? For some f*cked reason we feel suffering is justified, but in fact it is truly sad and desperate.

Time to get up and get real. We have to grow up, take our big unflattering panties off, and put that g-string back on.

The beautiful thing we have behind us is the moments-in-transition (the power of pure excruciating agony to move on). It has to be understood thoroughly — our ex’s don’t love us anymore. The whys are not important, but the lessons we learn are, and it is a process.

First, we must recover the self-love and esteem we lost as we gave our love away (i.e. the desperation, the sacrificial I will do anything for them for the sake of love). We have to position ourselves as Number One or we are destined to repeat the same pattern of pain in our next relationship — and yes, there will be a next.

Second, we must realize the love we have is just as fleeting as it was when we were younger — the crushes, the teen-love, the infatuation, etc. It is the same energy and we can get over it. Remember, when we stoop to a level of torment and misery, we do it in vain. I am not diminishing the way it feels but I am diminishing the concept.

Many a love song, no, tons of love songs are written everyday, and they are instant hits because everyone can relate. Do you want to be that sad song?

Third, the power in letting go is huge. I know it sounds like blah blah blah, but it truly is liberation beyond words. This is building that super-self back where it was before we were broken, and when we come back, we are stronger for it. They are gone. There is no turning the situation around.

The sooner it is accepted, the sooner we heal. Clinging to a painful memory is detrimental. It is the dangerous grasp of an illusion that holds us hostage, binds us to sorrow and keeps in a low vibration.

Fourth, cry until you can’t cry anymore, and be done. Not that simple? True, but if you need to hold on to something that doesn’t exist, you not only lose precious moments and precious sight, the clock will forever stand still in your pain. If you say you can’t, I will tell you, you are clinging to an enemy that delights in your suffering.

That enemy is the Enemy Mine — pathetic and sad, which will end up bitter and cold.

Is there any comfort in all this? Hell no. There is nothing warm and fuzzy when we hurt, but what is the pay-off for vindication? There isn’t any. Stand tall after you have recoiled in the pain. Hold your head high after you have banged it several times against a wall, and get on with life.

Accept that they came to us, enlightened us, and we are bigger than the misery.

Is this the end? It can be if you choose.

Lessons well learned make us better, calmer, wiser and more compassionate souls. Consider them a gift, or perhaps send them a Thank You. Stop being that cliché.

One day it won’t hurt anymore, and that one day is now up to you.

 

*****

Debbie LynnDebbie Lynn realized at a very young age that the outer reality was a far cry from her inner truth, and meeting her inner wisdom head on always turned into a challenge. The wonderment, curiosity and hypocrisy of life led to exploration and a cumulative documentation (art and journaling) of what she lovingly calls ‘the purge’. It is her way of ridding any negative energy from the daily grind. She says, “In essence, it is a way to start fresh and cleanse the soul.” Debbie has had numerous articles published in Elephant Journal, The Edge Magazine and Simple Steps Real Life Magazine. Her daily posts can be found on Facebook.

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