Oh Darling, I See All Of You.

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Oh darling, do you think I do not see? Do you think I do not see your hand quivering as you raise it to your mouth to stop the deafening sound from escaping?

Do you think I do not see your legs give way to the weight of your secrets and the strength of your misery? Do you think I do not see when your body is slammed to the floor by the gravitational pull of your traumatic night? Do you think I do not see how your life crumbles into the trance of your disoriented nightmares?

I see you.

I see you when you go swimming in the ocean of your sorrow. I see when the current becomes too powerful to keep you afloat, ripping your body into the stormy sea.

I see the water immersing your body so you are drowning in the grief-stricken pool of your tears; tears which have no point of escape, tears which poison you as they pool around your heart. I see you straining for breath as the tsunami of your past floods your soul.

I see you.

I see you warring with the demon that inhabits your mind. I see how you try to reconcile, how you attempt to make peace, how accommodating you are. And I see, despite your best efforts, that you are terrorized by your demon daily. I see you are given no respite from its attack, so you fire your feeble weaponry in defense of your freedom.

I see how your attempts go unnoticed, for you were not built for combat. I see the war raging throughout your body and how wearisome it makes you. I see, even when you fight, that you inflict more injury upon yourself than your demon, so you have no choice but to surrender.

I see you.

I see you wearing your clown face so the world can laugh. I see the colors you paint onto your skin to sooth the tender eyes of those with whom you live. I see the charming mask you created, that you wear so elegantly for their happiness.

I see how the make-up you adorn begins to erode your already breaking shell, infecting the essence of your true self. I see how you shine your remaining light for others to view your veil, leaving nothing for yourself to illuminate your beauty when you are alone in the darkness.

I see you.

I see you shaking in the fear of your reality. I see your story unfolding before your eyes, blinding you to the life you once believed in. I see how afraid you are to claim it. I see how your truth makes you feel; I see the shame, the hurt, the despair, the loneliness.

I see you clinging to the last remnants of your vision as your newfound past forces its grip on your existence. I see you struggling to learn how to walk through this scary world. I see your resistance to be taken. I see you using every last resource you own to survive, how deplete you feel, how scared you are that your fading strength may soon be lost.

I see you.

Oh darling, I see all of you — no matter how you try to hide, no matter how alone you feel, no matter where you are running to — I have seen you, I will see you.

I see you.



MariannMartland02Mariann Martland is a writer, a seeker, a lover, a friend. She is a woman finding her voice in a very real world where she cannot help but dream. She wholeheartedly believes in the Universe, love, connection and strength of human spirit, even when she is overwhelmed or confused by life; there is usually at least one moment in each day when she feels overwhelmed or confused by life. Through writing she dances in the dark and breathes in the light. More of her words can be found at Things I wish you knew, and on Facebook and Instagram.



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