I Don’t Believe In Waiting…
I don’t believe in waiting. Waiting for tomorrow. Waiting for security, love, people, confidence, happiness. Waiting for an unknown future that promises nothing.
I have often waited out of fear. I had no idea how to begin and was scared that if I started, there was no turning back. I craved safety and security. I recoiled at the idea of trusting my heart over my head.
Now, I’m not speaking of patience here. Patience is the allowing that comes after intention and action have occurred. Patience offers solace in the understanding that everything is okay that possibility creates in a gentle way.
But waiting… waiting is a cop-out. It’s a maybe later that easily slips into regret. Waiting is a choice to listen to the fears and limitations we believe of ourselves. Waiting is a denial of desire and personal preference.]
What would happen if we stopped believing our fears and limitations? What’s the worst that we could experience if we took a step? Maybe we’d have to face up to the fact that we were wrong. Or worse, maybe we’d have to change.
Change can hurt. And it often leaves us so uncomfortable that we struggle with finding a new normal. But nothing is as uncomfortable as staying trapped in our illusions. Keeping ourselves small serves no one.
What if we simply chose to take one step? A small one, a big one, any step. What if we listened to the small urges guiding us and took a break from listening to the arguments of our mind? The brain is so good at organizing, criticizing and judging — always living in the past or some imagined future. The brain is the part of us that sucks at trusting and being. How can we possibly grow and evolve if we are living in this space?
It only knows of yesterday and believes this is all we are capable of.
Our steps don’t need to be huge. They just need to be. They can’t wait for a readiness that will never come. How could it come? We really only feel comfortable with something after we’ve experienced it.
Don’t know what to do? Then it doesn’t matter which direction the first step is in. And what an incredible opportunity for exploration that is!
One of the simplest and most fundamental truths is that no one but you can know your thoughts or what you need. And this is why you need to follow your own personal desires rather than someone else’s. These desires are felt as small pulls of the heart — a lighter feeling, an excitement, perhaps a bit of fear. Your heart guides you in what to do, but can’t tell you why because you’ve never actually done it before.
Our feelings aren’t answers, but are indicators — alerts that we need to pay attention to. And the pulls, the intuition, is what follows after the feelings alert us when we listen, when we are open and willing.
Our feelings are so important. They are indicators, alerts, important flags that remind us to slow down and pay attention. And when we slow down, we are able to feel our way through. The slowness, the space of acceptance, gives birth to possibility. It is from this space of potential that the answers come.
Perhaps there is an intelligence beyond the reasoning mind. Maybe when we respond to our current desires and feelings, new desires will arise out of them. And in this way, our expansion and growth begets new experience, which simply continues the process.
Just maybe, our spontaneous desires are the keys we are looking for in our search for happiness, joy, love. And by simply starting we are one step closer to the freedom and fulfillment we seek.
Caroline Stewart is a lover of all things beautiful and authentic — the perfectly imperfect. She oscillates between her outgoing desire to spread love and compassion with everyone she meets and her deep-seated need for quiet and solitude. When not digging in her garden, playing dodgeball, or exploring imaginary worlds with her two beautiful children, Caroline can be found at Wellness Within Health & Learning Centre.