I Will Let Go Of My Darkness When The Time Is Right.
How much do we really embrace the full spectrum of living? A wild woman I knew was living in dying. She knew with certainty that she only had weeks left to live. A cultural writer and philosopher, she shared this journey with many, and I was one of the lucky ones who had the chance to spend some of this time with her.
What I learnt, deeply and consciously, was that we are all of nature, and many of our questions can be answered in the mirror of a tree.
So, just today, as the sun was sinking down into the horizon, I went for a walk in the bush. As I walked along, I noticed the sunlight shining on the trees, the birds flittering from branches, the beautiful spring flowers we are so lucky to have in our West Australian backyard, so rich in biodiversity.
Most of all, I noticed the stillness. I stopped and took three deep breaths.
As I continued to walk, a tear rolled down my cheek. A tear for the pain and sorrow in the world, for the daughters and sons, the children, the mothers, the fathers, the grandparents, our brothers and sisters. Then another one came, a tear from my grief of losing a dear friend and mentor, a strong and courageous woman with a great big heart.
I never got to tell her just what she meant to me, or just how much she taught me. Not in that way, but I could tell her in other ways, writing and really absorbing what she taught.
So, as the tears kept coming, I continued to notice the beauty all around me. In the place where it feels okay to let the waves of grief wash through my soul. Feeling the good and the bad, and not being afraid.
A friend, who is on a journey as a spiritual healer, recently told me that I’ve been carrying a negative energy. An apparent darkness they could sense, and they wanted to shift it for me — a very generous offering. Another friend, from just knowing my situation, suggested that maybe I should see a professional, someone to talk to.
I hadn’t asked for help, but still I decided to listen. The spiritual healer tried to shift the darkness, and the professional offered advice. Then it came to me that perhaps I have been carrying this for a while, and you know what, It’s mine to carry if I wish. When the time is right, I thought, and when I’m able, I’ll let it go in my own way.
Now, as I reflect, I can’t help but believe that sometimes we really need the darkness there, and it’s not all so bad. As is in the ebb and flow of the ocean, the rhythm of life. We watch our loved ones go through the phases of life, and often see them taken too soon.
Either way, we will all eventually go back into the earth, return to the soil where our physical being will once again become dust. As we are left here in this physical realm, perhaps a piece of our soul is taken from us for a while. We might decide, consciously or not, to just put it to the side, so we are able to continue on with our daily routine.
Until we are ready, fully aware, that without the darkness we wouldn’t know the joy of the light.
Sally Jarvis is a Western Australian woman with a passion for exploring the cultural context that shapes her worldview through landscape and relationship. Part of her journey has been woven through the collective consciousness of a group of women that meet and discuss Women’s Business. Sally, and the knowledge she reflects on, can be found here.