Instead Of Falling In Love, We Need To Rise In Love.
There is a simple reason why we fall in love so easily: falling is always easy.
Whether you jump from a five-foot platform or a fifty-foot building, it will take only a few seconds for you to reach the ground.
And while the fall into love isn’t equal to falling from a building, it’s a fall that has tempted many souls throughout history. Love looks inviting and amazing on the other side of the fall, and we forget everything so we can leap.
Fairy tales have made falling in love sound fancy, but in real life, the problems are real. Many of us hold a fantasy about what romantic love will look and feel like.
You may think your soul mate will have a perfect body, be smart and successful, with the potential to earn a substantial income.
You may expect this person to understand you completely, to accept your faults, delight you in the bedroom, and meet all of your emotional needs. And, of course, this person will want to marry you.
But what often happens is that people project this fantasy of perfection onto whomever they may be dating. The fantasy mixes with endorphins and the desperate desire to be loved. These ingredients form a powerful elixir that intoxicates.
Falling, even jumping, into love seems like a divine thrill. But then we wake up and see that our ideas about what love should look like are not what we fell into.
At this point, we may feel anger, resentment, doubt, and even despair. We think, “How can my beloved be so flawed? Where is my ‘real’ soul mate?”
Instead of falling in love, we need to rise in love. We need to evolve beyond our limiting beliefs about love’s nature. We need to understand that love is much more than our templates of soul mates, marriage, family, and children.
These ideas have been corrupted throughout generations by religions, media, families, and all of society.
We will know we have accepted love’s invitation because we will be free from pain. Love has constantly been burdened with accusations that it causes miserable pain. These pains are not of love.
These pains are the illusions that we have labeled as love. To fall in love means we identify a person who we think will live up to illusions of a perfect object of our affection. When they can’t, we feel pain.
That’s because we are putting conditions on love. But love is not only free — it is unconditional.
Rising in love means seeing love unconditionally in all of creation. There is no pain in love when we accept each moment unconditionally. How could there be? Acceptance is the pathway to freedom — and to authentic love.
When we accept ourselves and those around us, we connect to divine love.
I am married to a wonderful lady who is my biggest strength in life. In Indian marriage tradition, you walk around the sacred fire in seven rounds promising to live together in love and protect each other.
When my wife’s and my seven rounds were complete, I looked over at her and asked her to take an eighth round, to promise that we would never let our marriage interfere in our love.
Since then, we have lived each day as it comes to us. I am married, and yet I am not living within the defined laws of it. For me, the most important part of our bond is our freedom and allowing each other to find the meaning of that freedom.
It has worked out very well for us so far. There may be a day when it will stop working out, but who knows?
We have promised each other not to project love or any fancy story, and we have merged our colors with each other, all without losing our original colors.
Rising in love starts with you. It is an invitation to unpack the norms you have absorbed, and clarify what love truly means in your own heart. When we believe someone out there will complete us, we overlook what is right here.
We miss the authentic love that is present in every moment. Without knowing the unconditional love that lives within our own hearts, regardless of objects or circumstances, we keep believing that we need a perfect partner to make us whole.
It’s the external searching itself that distracts us, and keeps us from finding the authentic love we truly seek — the love that is already here.
Hailing from a family of traditional Indian gurus, Chandresh Bhardwaj is the founder of the Break the Norms movement. An official Facebook public figure, Chandresh conducts talks across the globe, helping to raise spiritual awareness and individual empowerment. He is the author of Break the Norms: Questioning Everything You Think You Know About God and Truth, Life and Death, Love and Sex (Sounds True, January 2016), and lives in Los Angeles. You could contact Chandresh via his website.