5 Ways To Get The F Over Your Fears.
Signing up to be a human is without question the craziest decision we’ve all made.
It’s also the most beautiful, rewarding, expansive adventure that anyone could ever ask for.
Truly, we can’t predict how our lives will unfold, what we’ll experience, who we’ll meet, and, most importantly, what we’ll be tasked with creating/doing/sharing. The fact is, we all have something to offer each other based on what we experience.
The rollercoaster is not without merit — it’s basic training in the most advanced school in the universe.
Our struggles, challenges, pleasure, joy, and confusion, all contribute to our ability to see beyond our own experience to understand the human condition on a larger scale.
That is, the more we open up to life, the more compassionately we are able to greet the rest of humanity and our experience without having a nervous breakdown.
There’s no doubt that we all have different stories, often with similar themes, and that our pain or pleasure is relative — but the constant is this: sometimes, we all get scared sh*tless.
Fear is a good sign. It means you’re on to something. It means you’re stepping up to face down something that is going to change your life forever. That’s not an exaggeration, and surely you’ve seen it in action in your own life.
Whether it’s speaking in front of a group of people (which, maybe, leads to you starting your own business) or moving to a new country (which, maybe, leads to you living the free life of your dreams) or battling a terminal illness (which, maybe, leads to you overcoming something in complete support of yourself, and in the bravest manner possible) is a neutral point.
The fear we feel is, on some level, very much the same. Most human fear can be chalked up to two areas: the fear of not being/having/knowing enough, and the fear of not being loved.
An umbrella over this is the fear of dying, but interestingly, most people focus on the former two, rather than living life as if it were a temporary gift. We are very concerned with being loved, feeling loved, and making sure we have what it takes.
We’re here after all, it’s hard not to think about, and love is the cornerstone of humanity. It is the energetic baseline of our existence.
Life is not linear, however, there is certainly a web of relation that exists between and amongst all of our experiences and relationships. Everything makes sense when we look back at it, usually.
What have we learned? Who have we become? Where are we? We moved through something absolutely f*cking terrifying to arrive in a place that, often, we can be grateful to be in. The other side of fear.
So, what is the purpose of fear? To encourage our growth. If we didn’t find the cojones to step up, we would stay stagnant.
We are definitely here to grow. We are definitely here to love. We are definitely here to create. We are definitely here to connect with and support each other.
Maybe you’ve been telling yourself you’ll write that book/start that movement/get that PhD/quit that job/kiss that goddess.
Maybe you’ve been stopping yourself because you fear you don’t have what it takes, aren’t ready, aren’t enough, other people will judge you, you’ll lose friends… the list goes on. We all know these stories.
When we haven’t taken the time to look at them, they occupy a lot of our thinking. Knowing that fear is just this, a story, it becomes a little easier to manage and overthrow that f*cker.
If you’ve ever picked up a pen in your life or dreamt of an alternate reality (all of you), you know that stories can be re-written.
In honor of your creation and bravery, here are five ways to keep your mind right:
1. It’s not about you.
You’re the creator. Definitely. You are the one assembling and disseminating whatever you have to share. However, you creating is not about you.
The things you put into the world are of service to the evolution to humanity, in whatever way they are filtered through you. That’s a pretty big deal.
When you stop worrying about how you look, and instead concern yourself with how much you can benefit the recipients of whatever you’re doing, a massive shift happens. You can get out of your own way.
You can tell your ego to take a little nap in the corner for a moment.
When we can step outside of ourselves to see the larger picture, like, I must share this story because it will support other people who are experiencing the same thing I had to go through, we can understand that we’re actually insulting our souls by not sharing it.
It is imperative that we lift each other, that we talk about our experiences, that we share them, in honor and devotion to the fact that we’re all on this wild ride together. It’s not about you. It’s about the collective.
I have a pretty radical opinion on this: if we don’t create and share our experiences, we are directly contributing to the decline of humanity. It’s that serious. Get out of your own way.
2. Be moved by your mission/message/purpose.
Don’t bother doing anything if it doesn’t light you up. Why would you? Make the choice not to. Passion should be a law, and in my world, it is. If you’re not absolutely f*cking psyched about what you are doing/being/making, don’t do it.
It’s that simple. Write yourself a permission slip to exit, choose something else, and carry on. We are very lucky to have the freedom to choose for ourselves, to create our lives, and truly to be and do anything we want.
Don’t insult this by staying in a place or experience that is not making you happy or totally turned on. When you have intense passion and excitement, it overtakes fear.
They are born from the same place, which is the awareness of the unknown. Passion favors the unknown as adventure. Fear looks at the unknown as a pit of doom. The defining difference is trust in yourself.
It’s much easier to trust yourself and the world around you when you feel extremely connected to what you’re doing, and understand that the purpose of it is much larger than your sole existence. Be moved. Be lit up. Be turned on.
3. Think of temporality.
If our fear is about what we look like to other people, if someone else has already done it (lie, we are very unique beings, do it anyway), if we might offend someone (if you don’t, you’re probably not telling the truth), or any other matter of our worth in this world, we are absolutely f*cking ourselves over.
You are enough, you have always been enough, you will always be enough. And you are the judge of that, not anybody else.
There are people who deeply and desperately need to hear what you have to say. They need what you have to offer. They are waiting for you, and they don’t even know it.
Who are you to deny them something that might change the course of their lives? That might heal them? That might open them up more to the adventure of being? Think of temporality.
If it were true that you could calculate that you will die at exactly 77.5 years old, and you have 51.3 of those years left, you know how quickly the other 26.2 have flown by. Make the most of your time! In whatever way truly thrills you.
However, don’t stop yourself from what you really want to do by worrying about the superficial — think of the quality of temporality. Life is short (although it’s long if you are living deeply).
Want to expand your experience? Begin by living fully, and that requires that you answer the call to create, share, and heal.
4. Think of the invitation.
Each time we show up and bare our bones, we make a little crack in the shell of collective withholding.
When someone witnesses our willingness to spill our guts, talk about the core of the heart, of the truth of the matter, without holding back, a switch is flipped, and a very joyous one at that.
We are walking invitations. Our behavior, the way we speak, the way we think, directly impacts those around us in profound ways. Being mindful of this, we are living examples of what we believe in.
Walk your talk, if you believe in freedom and creativity. Walk your talk, if you want to feel as much love as you give. Show up. This invites others to do the same. It’s very simple, really.
If you’re the first one to get on the roller coaster, those behind you will immediately feel it’s okay to do so. Get in the front row. They’ll come back a second time and get in next to you.
It’s a responsibility we have to each other to simply show up, let go of whatever tale we’re telling ourselves about why we can’t, because we know that when we do so, it allows others to radiate in a way that we need too. It works both ways.
5. Respect yourself.
This might be the most important aspect of overcoming fear. How do you speak to yourself? What do you think you are worthy of?
Can you know with full certainty that you have something to offer, regardless of what anyone else has to say? Can you respect, trust, and love yourself so deeply that you will do whatever it takes to leave your positive imprint in this world?
Self-respect is a ferocious and temperamental animal. It is directly caged and fed by our thoughts. Consciously choosing to speak to yourself in a way that is encouraging, kind, and supportive is the best decision you will ever make.
It breeds confidence, radiance, gratitude, and overall a much more limitless life.
The power of thought and language cannot be emphasized enough, and there is a direct relationship between how much life and how much bliss we can experience and the way in which we view and analyze.
Perspective is nothing short of a miracle. When you can shift yours, your entire world changes. Making the shift from fear to love is the process of ascension.
You can make a choice: stay where you are, with your life as it is, or be enticed by what is on the other side.
You can make a choice: judge yourself harshly and criticize where you are, moving yourself more deeply into resentment and depression, or encourage, trust and respect yourself, moving more deeply into ecstatic creation that moves masses and sends electricity through your body.
Ultimately, fear is a choice. We’re all going to have fear. It’s a good sign. We are bravely entering uncharted territory. Very simply, having fear is much different from being scared. We don’t have to take ownership of it.
We don’t have to identify with it. You can have fear and still be excited as all get out alive. You can have fear and still know that nothing will stop you except for yourself. Might as well f*ck fear and get going. We need you.