Growing New Roots By Letting Go Of Your Ghosts.
Sometimes, you need to root down to start over. Root down to begin again.
You need to commit — to yourself, to decisions, to turning extreme losses into extreme gains. To continue shedding the false roots, the outmoded, the toxic roots, to allow the new ones to grow… without shame. Without fear. Without guilt. Without ghosts.
Ghosts aren’t grounded. Ghosts aren’t anywhere. Ghosts don’t know where to go, so they cling. They linger. They try to pull you in, try to make you pull them back. They’ve got no roots, no home. Their grief traps them, their loneliness drives them.
They remain in the void, desperately searching for a way out.
The living are ghosts too. The living wander aimlessly, sleepwalk exhaustedly, blindly seek, tirelessly. Many of us are in a perpetual void, lost in grief, grasping through loneliness.
I did that. For a long time. And we all will, until something smashes into us, against us. Until a fist cracks the void and forces us out. Until life gets sick of our shit. The point at which we’ve procrastinated long enough, dwelt a small eternity and neglected the very things we agreed to do.
Because we’ve all got a contract, an agreement — the reason we’re here. And you better fucking believe that the more you try to wiggle your way out of it, the more forcibly life will push you back in.
Excellent. Once you get back up after life all but eradicates you, it’s on, man. You seriously can’t fall back into listlessness, because the next time, shit, the next time you do…
So don’t. That’s exactly where I’m finding myself right now. I can’t fathom surviving another series of life-shattering events, the likes of which just rocked and transformed my life over the last eight months. So I’m here, standing. Now what?
The ideas and intuitions either come flooding or don’t come at all, like I’ve been so consumed by all that I was letting go of — and fighting — and finally releasing, now that I’m physical and emotional states away, it’s all catching up to me in slow motion action and fast forward traction.
All of this contradictory energy is occurring in the aftermath of uprooting everything, so I can finally root down — dig into myself, dig into my heart, dig into my relationships, dig into a home. Rooting down to commit to trust, to this new direction.
Digging deep to excavate fear and fill those tombs with love. Planting seeds that I want to see bloom into the pages that will rewrite and forgive and torch and renew and revitalize and re-imagine the mite-infested logs of a life that already seems hundreds of years in the past.
I’m going to do this the only way I know how — one day at a time. One action, revealing the next. One focus, yielding progress. One green light, opening the road of possibility. Of hope. Of opportunity. Of believing that the best is here, and I have everything in myself to co-create with it.
But that’s not all it takes — it takes knowing that I deserve it. It takes believing. That’s where the magic and manifestation happens — in the believing.
It is only through the act of believing that you will actually begin to see what’s been there all along… and use the tools you’ve excavated from your depths to breathe the best of you into life.
That’s what rooting down is all about. Believing in this book that’s been burning a hole in your psyche, screaming from the locked chambers of your heart, preventing those roots from growing until you tear your gaze away from the ego’s detours and redirect your road to your personal recovery.
No new chapters. This is a new book. A book of deserving. Of loving. Of living radically, authentically and fully. One breath, one page, one nap, one leap, one breakdown, one breakthrough… one moment of this fucking crazy glorious journey of life, at a time.
Jillian Kristina is changing. Her voice, her tone, her perspective — it’s all changing, and along with it, her word. After almost a decade as an entertainment journalist, Jillian has come to align with a different kind of expression. One that retains elements of the hundreds of lifetimes she’s lived in this one, including all the darkened days and illuminated nights and meandering paths and near-death cliff dives that have brought her here today. And for the first time, she’s exactly where she wants to be — a little more present than she was yesterday. It’s been a while since she published anything so vulnerable, but every time she pulls away from doing it, the void shows up again. So, she’s decided to fill it… and not stop. Follow her on Instagram or Twitter.