The False Rape Allegation And The Big Bad Boogie Mouse.
Rape — particularly Date Rape, or Acquaintance Rape (what they really mean is, AnythingOtherThanStranger Rape) — was not one of my social awareness platforms.
I have always focused my education and activism on issues that didn’t directly affect women. I thought it would be more powerful if I fought for something that directly affected a different vulnerable class. Something that I didn’t stand to gain directly from.
Yet here I am, writing this never-ending paper about rape. About me. Maybe you.
Here are a few fun facts about rape that I’ve picked up along the way.
Fact: Technically, rape doesn’t require force. It’s usually defined as any vaginal, anal, or oral penetration, significantly, without consent.
Which is an odd distinction for legislators to make, because any penetration without consent is implicitly forced. It’s a violent, traumatizing, forced assault. I think what they mean is that the victim doesn’t have to physically fight back anymore.
Fact: Consent requires competency. If she cannot speak the word Yes, or appreciate what is happening, then she is not competent to consent to sex.
So, you’re taking a risk having sex with someone who is wasted. She might not be competent. You might be liable for rape. Especially if everyone else witnessed how wasted she was. But don’t fret, the inverse is also true. She cannot have sex with a wasted man without incurring the same risk.
Fact: At least 1 in 4 women is sexually assaulted in her lifetime. At least 1 in 5 is raped. Over 80% knew the rapist. At least 1 of every 3 rape victims suffers from Rape Trauma Syndrome, similar to PTSD.
Look around. Count the women in your life. Do the math.
And now, for the perfect transition into the next segment, and the funnest fact of all:
Fact: Ninety-eight percent — 98% — NINETY-EIGHT PERCENT of rapists will never spend a single day in jail.
Let’s pause here for a brief newsflash. And cover your ears if you don’t like the truth.
False rape accusations are not an issue.
Oh My God, she said it!
Make her take it back!
Quick, before people believe her!
Doesn’t mean they don’t exist. But they do not exist to the degree, or anywhere even remotely close, that society attributes, feigns concern over.
But don’t take my word for it, let me demonstrate.
For anyone reading this, raise your hand if you have ever been falsely accused of raping someone, or if you have ever falsely accused someone of rape. C’mon, don’t be shy, raise ’em high. Now look around.
Now, for anyone reading this, raise your hand if someone has ever raped you, or if you have ever raped someone else. Put your hands in the air, and wave ’em like you just don’t care.
Now look around.
The Giant Boogie Man known as the False Rape Accusation is nothing more than a fear-mongering monster tail, trickling along in a sordid game of telephone, perpetuated primarily by rapists who want to keep raping in silence. It’s a mouse at best.
Here’s a quick tip on how to avoid a rape accusation: Don’t Fucking Rape Someone.
And if anyone ever falsely accuses you of rape, take it seriously. That’s libel, and you don’t have to, and shouldn’t, brush it off. Stand behind your word with honor. Confront her peacefully, and tell her to clarify her statements or you will file a suit.
Falsely accusing someone of rape isn’t a means to avoid liability, accountability, and it certainly isn’t a tool for revenge. You have rights too. Use them.
Not so quick. I’m not finished.
Now, to any woman reckless enough to have consensual sex with someone, and then portray it as anything other than consensual sex:
Give Back Your Vagina!
You don’t deserve it. Do us all a favor, and figure out why you’re engaging in sexual activity that you’re embarrassed about. I am not your life coach, but here are a few suggestions:
Take a break from having casual sex. Quit comparing yourself to a character from Sex in the City. Make a rule not to have sex when you’re drunk. Reflect. Figure out what really makes you smile.
And if casual sex works for you, Cowabunga, dudette! You’re a unicorn. So you have no reason to insinuate that your guilt-free sex was forced.
But if you’re like most women, then understand and accept that you will not enjoy casual sex, or any sex, if and when:
He doesn’t call you again;
he brags about the intimate details of your affair to his friends, your friends, anyone who will listen;
he lies about the circumstances;
he calls you a slut;
he disparages your honor, proudly waving it like a bloodied victory flag;
he’s ugly, unpopular, mean, or beneath yours or your bigoted parents’ superficial standards;
he’s your best friend’s boyfriend;
he just doesn’t love you.
If you feel the need to get even with him, to shut him up, that’s easy. Tell the truth.
Tell the world he has a tiny, crooked penis. That a jack-hammer drill is more sensitive. That a Facebook-poke leaves more of an impression. That you had to close your eyes to stop yourself from laughing at his hysterical faces, certain that he was either constipated or having an aneurysm. That you’d prefer to have sex with yourself over him any day.
Tell them he’s a fucking asshole who stomped on your delicate heart because he’s an insecure pion.
Tell them the truth. Chances are, most or all of the above will be true.
Sorry boys, but from my personal calculations, 84% of you are sexual disasters. Here’s another tip: quit trying to emulate porn. Try making love. You might even like it.
Know that they have way more to lose if you run your mouth, than if they do. They always cum. We must be doing something right.
Believe me, ladies, the ugly truth will set you free, and send them running away in silence with their tiny flaccid penises tucked between their chicken legs.
But Do Not lie. And Never call a consensual regret Rape.
In contrast, if you are a young lady or a woman, and you find yourself in a more troubling situation: that is,
your mom or dad finds out that you’re having sex, and they are angry, reactive, abusive, or anything that scares you; or,
your partner or husband finds out that you’ve had an illicit affair, and you’re afraid of their reaction…
… be the Heroine.
This is your opportunity, your fork in the road, to decide what kind of woman you want to be. If you’ve chosen to have sex, then you’ve taken on a significant responsibility, and that comes with the obligation of honesty. At all costs. Know that.
And if being honest puts you in danger, then tell someone, anyone who can help you. Stand beside you. Protect you from their reaction.
But nothing, I repeat, Nothing justifies a false rape accusation. Every time a woman cries Rape Wolf — a false rape,
even if it’s just as a rumor between girlfriends,
even if you don’t exactly say Rape, exactly,
any and every time a woman misrepresents the truth, one more innocent man becomes a victim, one once trusting man becomes jaded, and one more open-minded man becomes a narrow-minded believer of the Big Bad Boogie Mouse, and will forever cast doubt on any sincere rape accusation.
So if you’ve ever shamefully misrepresented consensual sex as anything other than consensual sex, sleep soundly on the bed you’ve soiled. Smothering the innocent souls you’ve betrayed with the weight of your shame. Muffling the weary voices that you’ve gagged with your deceit. Sleep soundly on the cowardly bed you’ve unmade.
And every time you lay your head to sleep, close your eyes to dream, dream of us — the Rape Survivors trapped under the rug of doubt because of a reckless woman like you.
If nothing else, dream of me.
Noelle Boostani is a human. Tumbling up and down her thirties. Discovering that you never actually grow up, or grow real. You just keep living and learning. She has no other expectations other than to keep learning while she still has time here. Everything else will fall into place naturally, because that is life. Life isn’t how we grow. It’s how effortlessly we can learn to tumble.