troublemakers

When Love Doesn’t Stay And Soul Mates Walk Out.

“Oh, it didn’t work out? Then it wasn’t true love.”

I call bullshit.

Sometimes true love doesn’t stay.

Sometimes it walks out, two middle fingers in air, and slams the door.

Sometimes soul mates aren’t forever.

Listen:

I’ve had the fiery love. The can’t-blow-the-candle-out-if-you-tried kind of love. The electric, sizzle-your-face-off kind. It was magic.

We met in Costa Rica. I had just moved there to take on the world as a young non-professional putting in my Fuck you societal year. A year where I did what I wanted, when I wanted.

A year where I let myself just quit, leaving behind the mundaneness of a routine and a handful of empty IOUs.

I fell in love with my life for the first time. I literally surrendered to my spirit. You know what happens to a woman when she surrenders to her spirit? When she listens to her freaking heart for a minute? She becomes unstoppable.

I was unstoppable. If there was a word stronger than unstoppable, I would probably use that. Just insert the strongest word you know. That was me.

Then life hit me upside the head, and then right in the chest, with a challenge. It came in the form of a dark-skinned beaut of a man who climbed rocks and spoke two languages.

And just like that, I became less unstoppable. Or so I thought.

I anchored myself to this challenge. I gave myself to it.

Sometimes I think this was the Universe testing me. And that maybe I failed. Maybe I was supposed to walk away. Maybe I was supposed to choose me.

But I stood there long enough for his This can’t be fucking real level of beauty to captivate my insides and weave itself into the framework of my soul. I let our souls mate.

Shit.

Here’s what two years of my life intertwined with this other human taught me about love and life and soulmates and trueness, and what love taught me about myself and strength and being unstoppable…

First off, true love doesn’t always physically stay, but it doesn’t ever leave you.

You’ll still get tastes of quick 30-second bittersweet moments where the smell of their sweat floods your nostrils and you can almost swear you feel their tongue hit the roof of your mouth.

It will still smell fresh and feel smooth, like the words he spoke to you the first time you slept together on that dirty mattress, or like the first time he said he loved you. It won’t feel old or stale or over or like it’s gone anywhere.

Whoever coined the phrase Love dies was a fool. It’s still here. It won’t ever leave me.

And a soul mate lights your soul on fire. It’s like really good sex. It shakes you up, and shows you what you’re missing. It reminds you the kind of excitement you deserve. It sets a standard. It ignites you, but it doesn’t promise you forever.

It never promises you forever. It just promises you that you’ll be changed forever. That your soul won’t be the same after.

The day my romance ended, I wrote about it.

The day my romance ended, I found writing.

Life brings you exactly what you need, and not always exactly what you want. That’s a coined phrase I’ll get behind. It throws you soul mates to kick your ass in gear. It throws you heartache to teach you things about yourself you didn’t know.

It lets people leave. It lets you break to remind you of the fierce strength you’ve got hidden in your belly, and heart, and spirit.

Life brings you to your self, through love. It brings you to your art, through loss. It reshapes you through change.

It challenges you to become.

It teaches you that even when shit gets tough, to never stop, and that you are resilient. That no matter what walks into your life, no matter what you invest in, and what the outcome, you are still fiercely unstoppable.

Because a true love takes a strong woman and makes her stronger, even when it leaves. Especially when it leaves.

Nothing is forever. True love is true because we choose to make it so in the time we are given. True love doesn’t guarantee it’ll stay, it just guarantees that it will be true while it sticks around. And there is so much power in that trueness.

So let it in.

Let it shake your shit up.

Throw yourself at it. Anchor yourself to it. Let your soul mate. Reap the benefits, and breathe in the lessons. Let it teach you about worth, and balance, and strength. Let it teach you about you.

Appreciate the gift, and then free it if you need to.

My love didn’t work out in the sense that I’ll wake up to a beautiful dark-skinned man everyday.

My love worked out because I get to wake up to a woman who knows herself more, knows her art more, knows her voice more, knows her heart more.

And that heart is on fire.

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ChelseyReardonChelsey Reardon has a heart for truth and women who haven’t met theirs yet. She’s an advocate for coffee and conversation. She tries to speak like she writes — honest and with minimal F-bombs. She gives a shit about Yoga, body image, and self-love. She believes the sky is the limit, you just need to build the ladder. Follow Chelsey on Instagram or her website. She’d love to social-hang.

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