you and me

How To Love A Roller Coaster Girl.

Dear Future Love,

I’ve always thought of myself as unpredictable, somewhat of a wildcard, I guess. My life is a revolving door of emotions, and I’m never sure which feeling the next day will bring. My anxiety doesn’t help the matter, it only makes it worse. Instead of  covering my beautiful chaos, I’ve learned to fully embrace it.

I’m hoping that one day you too will learn how to love this girl.

Things won’t be easy, and not in that cheesy romantic movie kind of way. I mean things really won’t be easy. You’ll see me at my highest highs and my lowest lows. Sometimes the two will become so intertwined that you won’t even know the difference. Things will get crazy, messy and erratic, but hold on tight and have faith.

My pure love and loyalty will make the bumpy ride worth it.

I’ll admit it here and now, I’m somewhat of a roller coaster girl. Life with me will be a sea of emotions, but it will be the adventure of a lifetime.

Some days my anxiety will get the best of me, and I’ll seem like a frantic mess. Simply pull me back to reality and keep me focused. There will be times when you just won’t know how to comfort me, and that’s okay. In those devastating moments, I simply need you to wrap your arms around me and tell me it’ll be alright.

Some days will be full of sunshine, and I won’t be able to contain my smile. I’ll laugh and giggle like a teenage girl until we’re both rolling on the floor. I’ll probably make jokes that aren’t funny to anyone but me. I may even make a silly face and sing a song in my cartoon voice. In those moments, embrace my playful self and laugh with me.

There will be days when I’ll unfairly take out my frustrations on you, even though I know you don’t deserve it. I’ll yell and maybe even say things I don’t mean. I may cuss, cry or run away. In those moments, gently remind me that my problems aren’t with you, and I’ll quickly apologize.

At times, I may reach a place of independence, moments when I just need to be alone. Give me space to figure things out, but gently remind me that you’re still there when I need you. Allow me time to fight my demons, but never make me feel alone.

There will be days when I feel extreme sadness. I may cry without reason, or shut the world out for a while. I won’t be able to explain to you why I’m feeling this way because I probably won’t even know it myself. I’ll have to avoid sad animal commercials and sappy movies, or I may just lose it.

In these moments, tell me you love me, and wipe away my tears.

Some days, I’ll be super annoyed by things that seem stupid and petty. I may make passive aggressive comments or smart-aleck remarks. I may seem like a completely obnoxious princess whose crown has gotten a little too tight. Bring me back to reality, and remind me that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

At least twice a week, I’ll probably be super stressed out. I’ll tell you that you don’t understand, and try to shut you out. I’ll act like the world is coming to an end, and pace like a mad person. I may possibly work myself up to the point where I just shut down. In these moments, I need you to tell me that God is in control and to relax.

While it seems like a lot to handle, I know you’ll be up to the challenge. I strongly believe that we all have a soul mate, someone who can stand us at our worst and best. Just know that despite my ever-changing emotions, I will love you wholeheartedly.

No matter what life brings at us, we’ll fight through it together. You’ll be my comfort, and I’ll be your rock. I’ll love you through the highs and the lows, the good and the bad.

You’ll be the first person I open my guarded heart up to since my last heartbreak. You’ll get to know my deepest secrets, hopes and desires. Ultimately, you’ll learn to love this roller coaster girl. So strap yourself in and hold on tight, it’s time for the ride of our lives.

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” ~ L.R. Knost

Love,

Myka Shantell

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MykaShantell02Myka Shantell is a blogger, singer, and Pediatric RN from the small town of Petrolia, TX (population: 600), who has always enjoyed helping/inspiring others. By the age of 24, she has already achieved a nursing degree, a fulfilling 8-year run with her band, and started her own blog, Thoughts of an Anxious Mind, which she uses to document her life with anxiety. After college, Myka began working and writing on a daily basis, saving lives by day and sharing motivational compositions by night. Myka’s ultimate goal in life is to find true meaning and happiness while encouraging others along the way. She has fierce perseverance and a unique heart that she plans to share with the world.

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Rebelle Society
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