I Don’t Care: A Rant To The ‘Perfect’ Empowerment Leader.
If I hear one more Yoga-loving leader talk about her spiritual fancy awakening that included a well-oiled guru, tons of cash, 20-day exotic juice fast, and weeks of silent meditation standing on her head, I’m going to spit even more than I usually do when I speak passionately.
It’s not that these leaders aren’t brilliant, beautiful or amazing. A lot of the action they stand for in the world is powerful and healing, which is even worse because they are accidentally setting the precedence that in order for us to have our shit together, we too need to have a personal deity named after us.
There is a danger in the rising up of women who talk about how they ran across hot coals to find their truth. How they totally get how lonely life can be, while they consult their personal tarot card reader, their guru, and the dude who analyzes the shape and size of their poop.
What’s unsafe about looking to these women to usher us into healing is that they give their following an unrealistic expectation. They act like we can get better by taking a private jet to hug a monkey in Thailand. That it is more important to talk about what we did to get better, than the depravity we lived in.
That creates a chasm between the person still suffering and the leader who seems to not really get what that is like. The one who suffers has to fight the battle within to stay alive, now they have to feel more hopeless when they realize they just can’t afford an African safari with a swami to get better.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to be wildly popular, to have money that affords poop analyzers. Those things are lots of fun. What’s wrong is being so self-inflated that these women forget what it was like before anyone knew their name.
What we need are women standing up to lead… who aren’t speaking from some royal throne with rubies they treasure more than the ones who are living in the dirt and barely surviving.
We need women who are breathing to life other leaders, helping them believe in their power, and not acting like they will never be on their oh-so-powerful level.
I don’t care about the famous people you knew, the places you traveled to, the amazing gurus you had.
I don’t care about your vegan underwear or your soulful goddess purse.
I don’t care about the most effective Yoga position for connecting to my inner goddess.
What if you don’t even think you have an inner goddess? What about the person who can barely look in the mirror because of the terror she survived, that she’s sure no one else gets? Why not speak to her?
There is a deep heart wound in these women. The fear that if they reveal how oftentimes they still feel like they are nothing at all, people won’t show up to their retreats. They are afraid that if they talk about the demons they have to fight on the daily, no one will take them seriously. The more scared we get, the more sure we think we need to be about the fact that we’re really perfect and fancy.
There is a lack of true heartfelt excitement: a forced coolness to their voice and actions. When someone gushes to them that they have the same name, same spelling and everything, this type of leader looks away and rolls her eyes, sits in the corner talking to only a sacred few. This type of leader asks you not to touch her. She only promotes a sacred few, and the rest she reasons she does not have time to be bothered with.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that we do not need more shiny princesses leading the way, but dancers in the dark who are ready to share about their pain and their healing so others might get really free.
I can’t think of anything else I needed more at 18, when I was on the edge. All I needed was a female leader, a mentor, to spend time with me, sit with me, look into her heart and tell me about her own fight out of the dark. I didn’t need to feel inadequate hearing someone’s spiritual talk about the Top 10 Ways to get a Yoga Butt.
Let’s get real fellow awesome leaders who are rising up all over the world. Let’s open up about what it really looks like to be alive and speak to the ones who think they are dead inside.
Let’s remember why we were born in the first place.
Maria Palumbo is a healer. She is a dancer in the dark. She lovingly guides women in the retrieval of their own souls through coaching, workshops, and community development. She celebrates freedom from shame in body, mind, and soul. Her work is fun and delicious, making the journey of healing gorgeous and satisfying, like a kiss under the Full Moon. Fall in deep love with your soul by connecting with her on Facebook or at her website.