The Fearsome Feast: Change-Magick By The Light Of Beltane’s Fire.
Your heart-drum thunders as you recall the events that brought you here to this haunted forest; the invitation’s arrival just as the May moon turned to a dark sliver of silver, the sight of your name inscribed with bloody ink, the urge to burn the thing unopened, and the energetic pulse at your sacral center when you finally mustered the courage to read these words: Spring Witch, you are cordially invited to feast with the faeries on this Beltane night. Should you choose to attend, know that the main course will be you. Bring all you once were but no longer want to be, and we will gnaw away at your old self with our fae-fangs. Your past will taste rusty and bitter, but we will feed on all that keeps you from the next stage of your sacred journey. Do not keep us waiting, High Priestess, for we are hungry.
Others may judge you for accepting an invitation so threatening, but I will not. Witch, I understand the impulse to pluck out the wounds of the past and cast them into the night like wayward ghosts.
I understand the refusal to cling to friendships that no longer mean what they once did, blood-ties that scream to be severed, and outmoded identities that no longer serve the higher self. Face these ravenous demons, Witch, and let them have what they crave. Move through the shadows stealthily but fearlessly, and find them before they find you.
You will not have to search for too long, my love, for the Beltane fires have been lit. Still, you hear them long before you see them, their cackles bubbling through the woodland like winged windchimes, and your body is right to shake with fear. These are not the glittery tinkerbells of your childhood, Witch, and you know it.
They have no desire to grant your wishes or hear musings of your dreams. No, these elemental fae are born of fire, water, earth, and air. They are ancient, and they normally see humans as naught more than wandering, troublesome children.
But you are different, brave Witch. Move closer to these Earthen heathens, for they have already picked up your scent. Unlike so many others, you are ready to let go of your heaviest burdens. Move closer, but know that you will not leave this place the same woman.
Face these fearsome creatures like the steady-hearted warrior you are, and claim your place on your soul-throne.
At the head of the vine-wrapped table sits a long-faced, crowned, bedraggled fae, and he sees you with his triangle eyes before any of the others. Your breath catches. You swallow. The creature bares his long teeth at you and speaks in a gruff rattle: Ah! Our guest has arrived!
He waves his thin-fingered, pointy-nailed hand toward an empty, rainbow-painted platter at the table’s center. That is your seat.
The other fae salivate and giggle. A young, butterfly-winged girl with green skin curls her lips and shows her pearly white daggers, snatching a long, Celtic blade from an older fae who hisses in retaliation.
You stand frozen, hands clenched so tightly that your knuckles turn white; in your mind’s eye, you are digging your claws deep into the patterns of your past. Maybe you do not belong here?
She is not ready grumbles the butterfly girl, and, in that moment, she is right. There is such safety in the familiar! Why let go of the job that puts food on your table or the partner that keeps you from loneliness? Why risk social rejection by ending a friendship?
Why let your old self die when that is all you know, when you cannot even fathom who it is you will become?
What are you so afraid of, child? The fae-king snarls. You know you are ready to do this, or you would not have come. The others murmur in agreement. If you do not let us eat away the old, there will be no room for the new, but that’s not why you should willingly be our meal.
The others shake their heads, and he continues: You have been gifted with the knowledge of your own self-worth, and there is no going back. If you do not face your fears tonight, those old parts of you will fester and seethe inside of your soul, and their removal will be much more painful later.
Your eyes widen; you were never one for pain. Tonight, you stammer, If I do this tonight, will it hurt? The fae erupt in melodious guffaws, and you grow impatient waiting for them to calm down.
Eventually, the butterfly squeaks out an answer: Of course, it will hurt, silly Witch! We will tear out parts of your self that have been at your core since childhood. You’ll watch as our teeth sink deeply into the stagnant, the heavy, and the known. You will have never felt such pain!
You move a step back into the shadows. Such a fine line is drawn between your soul’s growth and a nightmare, and you no longer believe you are up for this. The fae see you wavering, and a jewel-laden crone-fae stands. She has the ears of a wolf under a hood of white velvet, and her black eyes consume most of her face.
You, Witch, have been glamoured by this primordial creature, caught in her mystic vision-web, and you have no choice but to listen when she speaks: Dear one, what we are offering you is the clearest sight you have ever known. Rid of these dull patterns that were set so long ago, some before you were even born to this life, you will be liberated. Open yourself to our magick, and welcome the life your soul designed for you. You are a Witch of the Spring Moon, and we are offering you everything because you deserve everything. Yes, it will be scary, and it will be painful; if it were easy, it would not be true transformation.
The butterfly girl interrupts the wolf-fae: Just what do you think goes on inside a cocoon? Do you think the caterpillar just sleeps blissfully while her whole being dissolves and reforms? No! Change is excruciating, and you will be in agony!
The whole tribe of fae stands now, and the king speaks: But it will be worth it. When we are through, you will be a Witch reborn, and your smaller life will have died to let your greater one emerge.
You swallow hard, and screw up your courage. The decision is made, and you, boldest Priestess, move to the table before you change your mind. They help you to your plate, and you fix your gaze on the moon. You hear it all, their snarls and their chewing. You can smell their breath, like rotten berries and pine.
There are moments you taste your own blood, and you give yourself permission to feel every terrible sensation. Through it all, you feel yourself dying, and, at the height of the pain, you wish to never wake up.
Welcome to dark night of your soul, Witch; it will be over soon. Let these fae feast on all of your old, outmoded ways of being in the world. Face your fears, and fix your gaze on the Beltane moon. Whatever you do, do not run from the torment, and do not lose faith in the worth of your transformation. Close your eyes. Surrender to the void.
The sounds of your anguish have ceased, and there is nothing but your heart beating in silence for a time, then the sizzle of raindrops falling on flames. You open your eyes to find yourself alone, cradled by Gaia’s green moss and soft rain misting your face. The ravenous fae are gone, and the terrible feast is over.
Your whole, newborn life awaits you.
Bravest Witch, it was not a dream. Now go!
Danielle Dulsky is a multi-passionate entrepreneur, energy-healer, Yoga teacher, multi-media artist, and magickal mentor. She holds the highest designation from Yoga Alliance as an E-RYT500, and is on a mission to inspire women to be fearless creators of their sacred work. She is the founder and creatrix of the Living Mandala Yoga teacher training programs, a Reiki Master in the Usui-Tibetan tradition, and long-time believer in Earth-based traditions. Her work is based on sensing and transforming energetic vibrations, empowering individuals to discover their potential for authentic abundance, using artistic practice intuitively, and holding space for women to unearth their inner goddess through the magick of sisterhood. Danielle leads women circles, witchcraft workshops, a teaching coven, and psychic development intensives in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania where she lives with her partner Ryan, sons Bodhi and Sage, and pet-familiars Jeepster and Raven. She believes that all women alive today are meant to be instrumental in supporting the return of the Divine Feminine. You could contact her via email.