you & me

I Jumped On The Self-Love Bandwagon — Here’s Why.

It was February.

Where had January gone? Where had my monthly goals gone?

Get back to running a nice swift 5k without feeling like I was dying, sign three perfect clients to my (then) tailored six-month coaching package, hit five figures, find an agent for my book. I sat and looked at my goals.

None of them were achieved. What had I actually done toward them? Everything! But… I didn’t remember what, I just remembered that January was busy, somehow.

There were plenty of things I know I didn’t do and should have, but there had been no time, right?

As I sat there, computer open, coffee brewed, ready to start another day, I realized that I wasn’t happy. I was working for myself, I was writing my books, I had been working with amazing people. Why wasn’t I happy?

This was what I wanted, right? A little voice inside said, “You wouldn’t have been any happier if you’d achieved those goals either.” So what was going on?

2015 was not the year it was supposed to have been.

It was my first full year in business, and a black and white appraisal of it would tell a normal, sane person that it was time to get a day job. You may see me struggle, but you will never see me quit, and I will always overcome.

However, so what?

There is absolutely no shame in going after your goals and dreams and not achieving them yet.

How many businesses are making five figures per month right out of the gate? A few, yes, of course, and that is wonderful, and I am now invested in doing just that myself. But so what if you’re not?

What if you’re making enough to cover your expenses? What if you’re making enough to go for a long walk each morning, while everyone else is gridlocked in traffic heading to jobs they loathe, to the local coffee shop for a latte?

If you take money right out of the equation, are you any less of a person? No, of course not. This was essentially the conversation I had with myself.

But, I wasn’t going to figure it out just sitting there thinking about it. I got busy finding out what had really happened over the past year. One of the things I did extremely well in 2015? I journaled the absolute &*^%* out of it.

I had a personal journal and a business journal. Multiple of each, actually. So I began a no-holds-barred investigation on what I did before and after my successes, and what I did before and after my failures.

I investigated when I felt truly happy, and what I did before and after those times of true happiness… and when I felt down too.

I focused on a revolution for myself. A completely non-judgmental re-calibration of understanding what works for me and what doesn’t work for me. An overhaul.

I’m not quite sure why I was surprised at what I found.

Because the answer to all of the questions I’d been asking was Love.

The non-judgmental and accepting way with which I had approached my self to find out what I needed, both physically and emotionally, was actually unconditionally loving.

In the process of doing my overhaul, I revolutionized how I think and feel about myself, and ultimately, what I believe about me.

For the month of March, I decided to do everything with love for my self. This was very new. This was not the easiest thing.

I stuck at it with a morning practice and mindfulness during the day, and two things became crystal clear.

On Happiness: I can be happy in any moment if I don’t judge myself and how I’m feeling.

Accepting myself just as I am, right on the spot, especially if I’m feeling angry or sad, gives me an underlying foundation of happiness that comes entirely from within and is therefore… ta-da… unconditional.

On Business Success/Failure: If I take judgment completely out of the idea of failure, then it’s very simple  — if I’m not failing, I’m not improving anything.

If I am succeeding, great, I’ll do more of that, but the perceived failures have no ability to pull me down because I am playing the game.

Accepting that if I am playing the game, then I will fail sometimes as I practice and get better, is so common-sense and logical that I feel a bit silly even writing this.

So, what now then? So many things!

I’ve written this as a personal account of my own experience, but you can bet your life I’ll be leading my clients through this if they want an overhaul.

Your revolution can come from within (in fact, I’d say it really has to), and it can come from what you know right now.

All you need is the willingness to look at yourself within your experiences with a totally non-judgmental eye. And, like me, you might just find that the non-judgmental part is the answer.


MariskaAndersonMariska Anderson no longer works for anyone else. She is a writer and a coach, who encourages people to play with their thoughts and actions, helping them achieve their own impossible goals. The more impossible the better, in fact. In her spare time, Mariska got her Ph.D. in sustainable agriculture, but now she’s far more excited about writing an Indiana Jones-style adventure about a 14-year-old girl who ‘believes’ too. You could contact her via her website.


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