studio 69

Conquering the Craft of Cunnilingus.

It can look like a mystery down there, no doubt. And they all look different too. Confusing, I bet. There’s flaps and folds, skin and hair, more folds and more flaps, and then a rosebud. What do I lick? What do I kiss? How do I do it? Is she enjoying it? Yep, cunnilingus is a form of art. And if you don’t feel confident in painting with your tongue, you’ll most likely feel a bit uncomfortable in doing so. But what is it exactly that women like?

How do we like our pretty flower to be caressed with saliva? What are the tiny secrets that allows us to surrender to our partners’ tongue and touch?

Getting your vagina kissed and licked can take you to one of the seven heavens of pleasure, but it can also take you to a place of discomfort and awkwardness..

To a place where you get stuck in your mind, where you aren’t able to relax and surrender to the sensation, that possibly could make you taste a little bit of pink cloud. I’ve experienced everything from mind-altering orgasms to okay-just-stop-whatever-you’re-doing scenarios. But to figure out some of the general secrets to a good cunnilingus, I had to do some research beyond my personal one. So I started asking different women about their thoughts on the matter.

What I came to find was no surprise. We’re all different, right? So we all like different things. We all have our small uh-that’s-nice quirks. However, some things we all had in common. And I’ll write these down as the secrets to a great cunnilingus. If you, as a woman, don’t share these viewpoints, then cool — you know what you like. And I’m sorry if I’ve offended you in any way — people seem to get so easily offended these days.

But first I’ll start with pointing out some of the things that makes us women go Stop, get up here and kiss me instead.

1. If you don’t want to lick me down there, don’t lick me down there.

Right. Sounds pretty simple. But it’s amazing how many people still do it, just to try to please their partner. And that’s very sweet and considerate. But from a woman’s point of view: If you don’t like licking me out, I don’t want you to lick me out. It’s really hard to enjoy something that you feel your partner isn’t enjoying. It almost makes us feel uncomfortable.

2. Don’t lick me non-stop like you’re a motorboat. It’s too much!

Some people love licking vulva so much that they go absolutely crazy — without feeling the vibe, energy, mood. Calm down, cowboy! It’s not a race.  I need to feel you! And you need to feel me!

3. Don’t make the whole thing about me getting an orgasm.

If there’s something I don’t like, it’s feeling the pressure of someone wanting to make me orgasm. It makes me tense up, and prevents me from enjoying the sensations to the fullest. Lose the goal, then you’ll be more likely to score. Just relax, then I’ll relax.

Now that we know what women don’t like during oral sex, it’s time to find out what we do like.

1. Adore my vulva.

Sounds pretty simple too. If you love my vagina, I’m going to like you kissing her. Explore her. Play with her. Take your time down there. Experiment.

2. Allow me to communicate with you.

Communication is everything! I don’t expect you to know exactly how I like my flower to be caressed, therefore I’m going to talk you through what I like. And when I do, please don’t be offended. Receive it as a gift. Cherish some new knowledge. Some people don’t like being told how they should touch someone. What can I say? Suck it up. Be grateful that someone wants to share their secrets with you.

3. Variety is nice.

A bit similar to #1: be gentle, be quick, be smooth, be rough. Play it up, but don’t play it up all the time. Give me time to enjoy a flowing pace, and keep that pace when I’m close to coming.

4. Give me spirit fingers. Well, not all of them. One or two is enough.

Yes, use your finger(s). Don’t just slam it in there, but be gentle in the beginning. Let me feel all the sensations. Slowly. Play with my entrance and then use your finger(s) like a hook inside me, while you do that come-to-me movement. That way you’ll touch my g-spot. And I’ll guide your speed. But please, don’t use your thumb.

Now, to you women who don’t enjoy getting your vulva licked, you can learn!

Many women aren’t good at receiving oral sex. Many women never orgasm from it. Many men (women too?) don’t enjoy licking a vagina because they feel insecure in doing it. Is this a problem? No, not really. But if you would like to be able to enjoy receiving and giving great oral sex, then I suggest that you start working on your communication skills.

How on earth is your partner supposed to know what you like? He or she might be very in tune with feeling your body, but a lot of the time we fake all the twisting and moaning, making him/her believe that we’re enjoying it more than we really are. We have to stop that nonsense, and take responsibility for real pleasure through communication.

But I’m not very good at communicating during sexual activities. How do I start?

Well, I suggest that you ask your partner if he or she would like to experiment with your vagina. I bet that he or she will say Yes (if not, you’ve got a boring partner there, sorry). Tell him/her that you’d like to be better at enjoying oral sex, and that you’d like to guide him/her to what you like.

Once you start receiving licks and kisses on your cherry blossom, then breathe and relax, breathe some more, and say to yourself “Nothing is expected of me. This is an experiment, and I’m just going to feel, enjoy and communicate.” And then say, “Uh, that was nice what you just did there. Do that again.” Or, “Mm hmm. Yes. You can speed that up a bit and put your finger in me.” You get the point.

Practice in being the guide for that special someone who gets to play with your beautiful flower. What a lucky man/woman he/she is!

Now, to you men/women who don’t like cunnilingus, what is it about it that you don’t like? Is it the taste, the act, the fact that you don’t feel confident? Do you get bored? Or maybe even fall asleep (yeah, that actually happens)?

If you’re lacking confidence in that whole my-face-is-in-her-vulva situation, then I suggest you tell your lover about your insecurities. Get your insecurities out in the open, so you can work on them together. Be brave. If you want to be great at licking, you need to be confident. But unfortunately, we don’t get confident without practice. Aha, there’s your answer: Practice and communicate. Allow yourself to be your lover’s student.

Let her know that you’d like nothing more than to be better and more confident with your tongue. Ask her if she’ll help you. If she won’t help you, well, what a bore!

Let us sum it all up in a few sentences. Praise the vagina, let us know that you love her as much as we do. Let us know that you’re open to communication and ready to relax and play, while possibly being guided by us (this obviously means that the woman has to communicate). God gave you fingers for many reasons, so use them (but not the thumb).

And remember…

… if you love licking my vulva, I’m going to love you licking my vulva.

***

TheresaJohanneKirkbyTheresa Johanne Kirkby is a certified holistic sexologist, who grew up in a small village in the south of Denmark. She is a free-spirited woman, whose vocation is to help with opening the minds of people by breaking societal limitations and taboos of sexuality and intimacy. Over the past 6 years she has been dedicated in the path of self-love, which has taught her the beauty of connection and conscious sexuality – a beauty she now strives to share with others. She offers therapy sessions related to everything from a heartbreak to a dysfunctional sexuality. Her passion for hula hooping is ongoing and she can often be found dancing barefoot to the rythms of a djembe-jam. Read more of Theresa’s articles on Omooni.

***

{Join us on Facebook, TwitterInstagram & Pinterest}

 

Comments

Rebelle Society
Rebelle Society is a unique, revolutionary online magazine reporting daily acts of Creative Rebellion and celebrating the Art of Being Alive. Rebelle Society is also a virtual country for all creatively maladjusted rebels with a cause, trying to lead an extraordinary life and inspire the world with their passion. Join us on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter for daily bites of Creative Rebellion. Join our Rebelle Insider List along with over 40k Dreamers & Doers around the world for FREE creative resources, news & inspiration in the comfort of your inbox.
Rebelle Society

Comments are closed.