She Wishes for Things. {poetry}
{source}
This poem grew from longing, and a woman’s restless thoughts and prayers before finally falling asleep. There are so many uncontrollable things about our lives, and so many memories both fond and regretful. I believe that our reflections as we lie awake trying to sleep at night are an essential component to human growth and experience.
She Wishes for Things
She wishes for things like candy and youth,
for the dog to stop barking,
and her body,
the way it felt when she was almost 20,
she runs her hands down, along her thighs,
and she remembers,
and she wishes for her eyes
to shine brighter,
to light up the world,
the way they used to,
the way they were,
before so many years tumbled in.
And she wishes for certain words
to have never been said,
the nasty, angry words
that left her mouth so often,
if she could stuff them back in, she would.
And she wishes for a little less longing
for the things other
than what she is doing,
than what she has now,
these days, in these present moments,
so that moments, and things, like these,
are savored, in a way that is real,
and felt, and remembered, fondly,
instead of vaguely,
for they fly by,
these moments, so quickly,
these things, that need to be held.
And when she wishes for things
she wishes for time,
always more time,
and more of the laughter, the kind
that brings tears, and can’t be contained,
so sweetly, gleefully painful,
it makes her face hurt,
and her belly ache,
sore with delight.
And she wishes to mother
her babies again,
so delicious they were,
and their scent,
the way they smelled,
like innocence,
with her cheek up against,
their silky, smooth cheeks
so to breathe them in,
to feel a tiny, flailing fist
against her skin,
and little eyes looking up,
to feel them pulling the love
right out of her,
drop by precious drop.
And she wishes for others
to see her deeply, and clearly,
to know who she is now,
to understand her journey,
and to recognize
themselves inside
the courage required
to venture down the path
of splattered words,
all the words in the universe,
that need to be written and read.
When she wishes for things
she mostly wishes for peace,
but, don’t we all?
If you don’t, you should.
And she wishes
with bittersweet longing
to have taken the plunge
into the soothing waters
of her own life sooner,
so much she would change
if she could swim through
those wasted years again, she would.
And when she wishes for things,
she wishes the way a woman does,
her earnest thoughts flooding,
cascading, with honesty,
and with all her might,
her wishes are memories and prayers
gently bouncing, from wall to wall,
in the night.
And then she lets them go,
those wishes, those prayers,
with one final call,
with a heavier breath,
she lets go of them all,
and it allows her to fall,
swiftly and softly and safely to sleep.
*Dear Lord, let her sleep the whole night through.
***
Kimberly Valzania practices mindful gratefulness. She feels creatively driven to write about and share her personal experience and opinion on weight loss, fitness, life changes, adventures in parenting, day-to-day triumphs (and failures), and the truth-seeking struggle of simply being human. She believes that life is indeed a journey, and that precious moments appear (like magic) when she surrenders to beauty in all forms, and the divine chaos of unpredictable circumstances. She is happily imperfect, and plans to stay that way. You can read more at her website.
***
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