Dreaming Honor Into Form: The Next Expression of Us. {poetry}
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“As each cloud lifts, unveiling illusions beyond, I forever fall into a mystical hole, classified as the soul.”
Me? I’m one of those lucky souls who survived a traumatic childhood.
Dip-dyed in a colorful coating of generational fear, insecurity, and addiction. Role models and guardians subtly taught me to hide, avoid, and ignore all opportunities for intimacy and vulnerability. Unknowingly they whispered, “Do as I say, not as I do.” A well-intentioned plea for subordination. Thus, I became a quick study at suppressing my personal truth.
Painfully adhering to the unreasonable demands of false gods (external authorities), I entered into the master energy game — a sort of I’ll meet your needs if you meet mine. I’ll change who I am if it makes you more comfortable. I’ll give you my life force if you stay.
Fast forward to late teens.
Totally disengaged from our innate body wisdom, guidance system, and intuition.
I was devoid of internal security.
Whirling and swirling in a hellishly romantic tornado of self-pity. I fixated on what the world had taken from me. Justifying each desperate act of consumption. I scratched. I clawed at power from the extraneous. I left no stone unturned. Status, image, drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, and toxic relationships. Anything to numb the pain of being with and in my own skin.
Each attempt to power up sent a seductive shiver of relief through the very fiber of my being.
Desperately chasing approval, validation, relief, comfort, and security sent me into the infamous Dark Night. The forest.
“When we get out of the glass bottles of our ego, and when we escape like squirrels turning in the cages of our personality and get into the forests again, we shall shiver with cold and fright, but things will happen to us so that we don’t know ourselves.” ~ D.H. Lawrence
Can we know the tick-tock of divine timing, the inner workings of synchronicity, the law of cause and effect, or the current conundrum of quantum superposition?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Abruptly, the torture ended. In a seemingly destructive chain of events.
My fragile persona dissolved as the veil on my self-imposed crisis lifted.
The light of awareness stepped forth,
Revealing worlds I had not yet dreamed.
I was different.
Left with nothing but an awe-inspiring gratitude for the unspeakable essence of grace and an ever increasing admiration for the alchemy of honor.
To know,
Fully,
From personal experience,
Anyone,
Anywhere,
Anytime,
Can transform,
Radically shift in perception,
Think, feel, act, believe, and be a lyrical memory of an outdated expression.
In the blink of an eye,
What we knew to be true.
To be reality.
Is no longer.
I have been falling ever since. Immersed in the mysterious symphony of innate wisdom and humanity’s ever increasing ability to transform, regenerate, and actualize infinite forms.
I can no longer compartmentalize, suppress, or deny any aspect and part of me or you.
What I once perceived as mistakes, wildly unforgivable messes, are now a fluid tapestry.
A masterpiece of evolution and involution.
Morphing associations, healing misunderstandings and misconceptions.
The cellular freedom to shape, respond to, and choose my reality was beyond any conscious dream I had for my-self.
This creation is an ever increasing awareness,
As we continue to collectively redefine what it means to be human.
So, me?
I am really you,
Ready,
Willing,
To walk side by side,
Hand in hand,
As an integrated heart-mind,
As we dream honor into form,
The next expression of Us.
***
***
Alexis Petrin is a former raging self-defeatist-gone-fearless-liberator, writer, and multidimensional magician. One interaction with this fiery and truth-telling soul, otherwise known as The Messy Masterpiece, will blow the lid off your freakin’ life. Say goodbye to remnants of the status quo. The time is ‘Now’ to speak your passion and ‘live’ your truth.
***
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