Sex, Spirituality and Effortless Orgasms.
I know I’m not the only woman who has intense orgasms while deeply sleeping.
I might be in the middle of a dream in which I am cleaning the kitchen cupboard, or climbing a flight of stairs in a crowded museum, when I realize I am about to have an orgasm at a highly inconvenient and impractical time. Somehow, my sleeping body embarks on an all-singing, all-dancing experience, and I usually wake up screaming with pleasure, and become engulfed in a series of warm, strong vibrations of orgasmic bliss.
Orgasms without effort
These orgasms feel totally different from those I have when I am actively involved in erotic activities. They are more intense and more consuming. They feel physically different too: my entire body is involved, from head to toe. It feels as if my soul is singing a song of happiness that radiates out way past my physical existence. And they last longer than the ones resulting from some kind of conscious stimulation.
Although there is a similar gradual build-up leading to the final ecstatic explosion, when dreaming orgasms occur, time ceases to matter. Each one is an incredibly beautiful and satisfying experience.
This has been happening to me since my teens, and seems to be becoming more intense and frequent as I get older and more aware of my ever-flowering sexuality. There is no pattern: I might be in bed alone, or with partner, sleeping in my own bed or at a friends house or in a tent, stone-cold sober or a bit sozzled.
On one occasion, I was sleeping in a hospital bed, probably high on morphine following a very serious operation. Sex would have been the very last thing on my conscious mind. That particular sleep orgasm stands out as a very clear memory from the post-operation mental fuzz. Maybe that explains it: my unconscious sleeping self knows that intense and breathtaking orgasms are actually part of my birthright.
Tuning in and treasuring the fun
Some women seem to be hazy and uncertain about whether they have sleep orgasms. Maybe that is because it doesn’t happen to that many of us, or maybe it’s a regular dreamtime occurrence that is forgotten as soon as we awaken. Until someone somewhere does some specific statistical research on the matter, we can only guess about frequency. I, for one, await that completed research with anticipation.
It could be that any number of us are waking up with extra juicy vaginas and wet inner thighs, but we are not attributing it to anything erotic. If that is the case, it’s a crying shame, because these orgasms are so rejuvenating and life-affirming, they should be recognized and treasured, and positively encouraged.
Is it a dream or is it real?
With practice, I have learned to clearly differentiate between those dreams in which I am dreaming about having an orgasm, and other times when I’m actually having a real orgasm while dreaming. That took some time, and quite a bit of attention to detail, but I have to admit that it was well worth the wait. No magic skills are required for this. Like most things, it is just a case of focus and practice.
You can choose to channel my sleep energy, so you are more likely to have one of these amazing fulfilling experiences. Funnily enough, while I was halfway through writing this article, I had one of my most explosive sleep orgasms yet — and that’s the honest truth! It just goes to show what can happen when you put your attention and energy on something pleasantly fascinating.
The pleasure is in the intention.
If focusing on sleep orgasms works for you like it does for me, excellent. If not, there is no harm in trying, and anyway, until you get there — as with most enjoyable sexual endeavors — most of the fun is in the intention. Hands-free during sleep could become the new masturbation.
Some have suggested that to encourage orgasms in sleep, we need to have experienced a bit of a dry spell beforehand. I beg to differ. Dry spell, wet spell, sexual downpour or desert, I reckon that with a bit of practice, you can will your sleep orgasms into existence. It is all about focusing your energy.
The position you choose to sleep in doesn’t matter either. If you are relaxed and comfortable enough, the relevant part of your brain can carry on the sexual conversation with your body while other parts do their normal nocturnal rejuvenation tricks.
Thinking sexy thoughts at bedtime isn’t necessary either, though of course, it does no harm. You just need to attempt total self-acceptance of your sexual nature. Notice I said attempt, not achieve. Many of us are works in progress when it comes to accepting ourselves sexually as we are.
As this conscious metamorphosis occurs, orgasms will become easier to achieve — and by this, I mean both the sleeping and the waking variety. The irony with orgasms is that if you are not trying desperately to have one, the more likely they are to occur. Settle yourself into a happy acceptance that you might come while you are asleep and dreaming, but if you don’t, that is okay too; a good night’s sleep is seriously underrated.
If you can manage to tune into yourself in this way, your sleep orgasms can turn up as and when they see fit, and you will be able to welcome them with an open heart and a joyfully wet vagina.
Relaxation, awareness and practice
I suppose the 64-million-dollar question is: What can you do to improve your sexual self-awareness, and thereby improve the orgasm possibility? My girlfriends who have not had the pleasure of sleep orgasms have been asking me how I manage to enjoy them on a frequent yet random basis.
The thing is, I don’t manage anything, they just happen. But then again, I do spend a significant amount of my time focusing on sex and spirituality, writing about sex and spirituality, thinking about sex and spirituality.
I do my best to consciously encourage and welcome particularly good, fulfilling, wonderful, sexual experiences that make my body tingle, my mind explode, and my spirit dance the dance of a joyful existence. Given the circumstances, it would be a bit rude if the orgasm fairies did not to pay me the occasional well-received visit from time to time.
I personally don’t mind if it is at an inconvenient moment, like in the middle of a good night’s sleep. As far as I’m concerned, each orgasm is unique and beautiful and exciting, and each one deserves a big round of applause for showing up in the first place.
Olajumoke Adeyemo likes writing articles about sexual exploration, spirituality and fun. She is a qualified sexual health teacher, and has taught sexual health in schools, colleges and adult workshops. She has been active in a variety of sexual communities for a number of decades. She practices Yoga and meditation regularly, believes in karma, rides a bike, takes long walks, and likes dogs. She also swears like a sailor, gives great full-body hugs, and smiles a lot. She currently lives in London. Read more of Jumoke’s articles on Omooni.