An Empath’s Journey of Rebirth.
The journey of rebirth is a soul-clenching spiritual shedding of the self, or quite possibly many selves, through the ethereal birth canal of the spirit.
Shedding layers upon layers of self-delusion, and lifetimes of inaccurate or self-deprecating belief systems. Inaccurate views of the true self and the true nature of our lives and ourselves.
I don’t believe the process ever stops for an empath. I believe the birth has many layers and takes on many forms. After almost two years of the most intense, life-changing, mind-altering period in my life, I must start the process of expressing this transition, and sharing my journey. To unite with the like-minded soul tribes who have, are or will experience the same transition. I know I am not the only one.
The world is awakening and people are feeling many different things these past few years, things they have never experienced before. I know this, thanks to the internet, my work, and the powerful and intense energies surrounding us. Ignorance is bliss, but that’s no longer an option.
The process makes you want to run and hide, and avoid the inevitable vulnerability of sharing the pain, sharing the loss.
My life, and everything in it, seems to change every day, every moment, every time I turn around. Shedding of people, places, things, and the world which I hide behind. The cozy blanket of complacency and safety have kept me hidden, kept me small.
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” ~ Brené Brown
One day I am working in an office trying to be like everyone else, and on a low level of consciousness, the next minute I’m an intuitive, a healer, a spiritual guide. Transcending into worlds I never knew existed. How did I end up here? How did my life change so dramatically, seemingly overnight? Where did it start and where does it lead?
The rebirth is a painful path, full of ups and downs, loss and love. How could it not be? How could a total and complete shedding of skin, of the comforts and ego-based fears not be excruciating?
The ego was designed to protect, but as it became out of balance, it hindered rebirths through those muddy and suffocating canals. Layers and layers of doubt, insecurity and the like, telling us we can’t be anything other than what the world told us to be; we can’t thrive, be adventurous and follow our joy.
I asked for this, I did. I don’t know the exact time or place, whether it was in this life or another, but I know for certain that I asked for this. I wanted to live my purpose, be at home, with no boss, help people, do something close to my heart, and be free. Obviously, I had no idea how to get there, or even where to begin, but that’s the catch, that’s the magic.
The intention of your desires set out to the Universe starts the motion of movement, and once implanted, can’t be taken back. Just walk your walk, and trust that the Divine will guide, inspire and fulfill — if you believe it.
As I came to the crossroads, the fire was building, and I was burning, disintegrating and melting into the earth. Everything I arrived at or had obtained just never satisfied.
“It’s not the life lesson I’d have guessed
If you’re conscious you must be depressed
Or at least cynical.” ~ MGMT
I went through one of the biggest energetic cleansings of my life — seemingly out of nowhere and for no reason. Brought on by nothing more than my empathic nature and intuitive abilities. Being so susceptible and raw at times, that a layer of protection seems to be removed, like a blanket that once kept me safe but now leaves me unexpectedly naked.
Now I am vulnerable, lost and confused. Looking around for someone to guide me, help me, move towards the safe and nurturing arms of my mother that once was. My abilities to see and feel the world and shifts around me can be magnificent gifts that I am beyond grateful to have. They help guide not only my clients but me too along my journey.
However, sometimes they are so intense that my core is rocked, my world turned upside down, my ability to sift through the ashes unavailable. Instead, I am consumed by fear and a hundred forms of delusion — questioning my work, my life and my very existence. Why would anyone want to come to this earth, if this is the way they are going to feel? Why would I come here? As usual, there are more questions than answers.
But I am questioning. I am always questioning. As a true seeker, truth-teller and empath, I seek. I seek until I can’t seek any more. Until I hit a wall, the emotions flood in, and I am broken. I finally rest, allow the rebirth, the healing, the transformation to happen. I stop fighting the world, myself and all that is in-between.
When I feel exhausted, I can’t take any more, that’s when I see it… the surrender, and the freedom. Freedom from the self, the mind and the boisterous (and sometimes preposterous) ego. Don’t get me wrong, the ego has some wonderful qualities, and if I allow it, can help me feel safe and grounded, but if denied, forced out or unloved, it can get me. Harder and faster than any person or entity I know of.
But here I am again, faced with my soul decision to be free, no matter what the cost. To go through whatever is necessary to cleanse, heal and expel these blocks, wounds and dark energies that I’ve been holding on to far too long. This goes deep. Deeper than I thought. Finally able to grieve, heal and transcend these many wounds and karmic patterns I’ve obtained over the years, over decades, and over those many, many lives I’ve lived.
If there is something I know about, it’s grief (four deaths in five years will help you understand that quick). Grief and loss of any kind is an unexplainable anomaly.
One minute you’re devastated and completely understand why, the next you’re fine and tell yourself you’ve moved past these wounds, then out of nowhere it hits you. Sometimes over and over and over, until it’s completely released and you’re ready to heal. I grieve over lost loves, bad decisions, inauthentic living, abuse, and so many other things I couldn’t even begin to discuss.
So why do I beat myself up? Why don’t I allow the release?
As a healer, I know that you must release to receive, and you must open and heal in order to live a more fulfilling and powerful life. But I am also human, and most definitely living a human existence with human emotions. I’m no saint! I chose this path many lifetimes ago, and over and over I failed. Failed to see the true meaning of what it is to be human, to live in this body, at this time on this planet, as me, totally and authentically me. But now I see.
I see through the ashes of despair and the curtain of discovery. I see what’s on the other side for me, I see who I am and why I’m here. To heal, heal myself, help heal others, and send that love and magic to the whole world. No more hiding, no more self-loathing. It’s time for freedom!
Becky Hernandez (The Misfit Yogi) is an intuitive healer, freedom writer, guided meditator, yogi and life experience seeker. She believes that all is magic, and magic is all there is. She is currently trying to embrace the path of most resistance. You could contact her via her website or Instagram.