you and me

3 Lies I Once Believed About Women.

Women will stab you in the back at work. Women will steal your man away. Women will tell your secrets. These are the kinds of lies I bought into for years, and I had few close female friends as a result.

In recent years, I learned the truth.

Women will stab you in the back at work.

I was told never to trust another woman in the workplace. Women will take credit for your work. Women will sleep with the men in the higher ranks to move ahead of you. Women will connive and stew, plotting a way to crush you on their way to the corner office and the higher salary.

I believed this lie because I had several women show me outright hatred when I received a promotion. I had a female boss who routinely took full credit for my ideas, and earned huge bonuses for herself as a result. I bought into the lie that women will stab you in the back at work, and as a result, I kept female coworkers at arm’s length for years. I crossed my arms in meetings, and closed myself off from those wicked, distrustful creatures.

I was finally proven wrong by a female boss who let me present my ideas and let me shine; her star was just as shiny when I glowed too. She showed me there was room for everyone to succeed. I was proven wrong yet again by a peer who celebrated my wins with as much fervor as I did, and she showed genuine warmth and compassion when I failed. She showed me there was room for heart in the workplace.

I opened up to having women in my network at long last, and I was shocked at how many helpful women were available as mentors and colleagues. I’d been missing out on some wonderful allies.

Women will steal your man away.

I was told never to trust a woman with your man for five minutes. Women will sleep with your man. Women will wreck your home. Women will shatter your fairy tale romance to bits for sport.

I believed this lie because I had women brazenly try to hook up with my then-husband like his gleaming wedding band was a shiny beacon to lure them to him. I had a girlfriend give her number and address to my date while I was in the restroom, and she had him over for naughty shenanigans immediately after my date with him ended.

It took having candid female friends to get over the idea that every woman will try to steal your man. Through our conversations, I learned that while women certainly likely to get their rocks off, only the scumbags who aren’t worthy of our friendship and time will sneak behind our backs. The men who participate in that kind of relationship-shattering activity are equally to blame. A real woman will not look at your current beau as an option.

Women will tell your secrets.

I believed that women will tell all my secrets because I lived it from an early age. Remember confessing your totally-out-of-your-league crush to a bestie at lunch, only to have him know the full details a few hours later? It was mortifying. From crushes to how much I earned per hour, time and time again, women were blurting my secrets only moments after pinky-promising not to tell a soul.

It was easier to surround myself with male friends who were always so much more transparent, not seeking to take me down a notch.

My tribe of wild women, you’ve shown me that we ride or die. It took me years to trust you, yes, but I had to unlearn all these lies. We don’t talk outside our circle. Your fears, my fears, your dreams, my dreams… all are sacred. Anyone who would use our truths against us for personal gain or to tear another down is not welcome in our circle. We are loyal. We are honest to a fault. Our candor is a blanket, a balm, a safety net.

Because I bought into the lies swirling around like jellyfish tentacles, and believed that I was about to be stung at every turn, I missed out on years of deep conversations and laughter. I share this in hopes that you won’t miss a moment to be raw and real with the people who are your tribe. Those women who would betray us are not worthy of our time, but those who would embrace us, shield us, and lift us up are our soul family.

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KatieCraigKat Craig is a writer, tarot reader, and teacher in Asheville, NC. She hogs the mic at karaoke, charges crystals in the moonlight, drinks too much coffee, and believes Converse sneakers are appropriate for most social occasions. Join Kat’s email list for a free story, and find her on Facebook for writing updates and too many photos of her pets.

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