Say ‘Fuck It’ to Naysayers, and Make Your Own Decisions.
It’s been a while since I last wrote an article, even though I have so many things to share. In the last few months, all I had to deal with was the art of decision-making at its finest.
In my opinion, life is nothing but a constant decision-making-process, both long-term and short-term decisions which determine the outcome of every situation.
Every second, every moment, we ask ourselves: What will I say? What will I think? How will I behave? How will I respond? How will I act? Where am I going now/tomorrow /in 10 years? How do I want my day/week/month to look? How do I want to feel? What do I need to do to make myself happy? Who am I? Who do I want to be? Do I like myself? The list goes on.
It may seem to many people that their thoughts or words are out of their control, but my own practice has shown me that we have full responsibility for our thoughts, actions and words, and logically, for the results we have in life. If we realize this responsibility, life becomes clearer and much easier.
Earlier in life, I didn’t even realize that other people totally influenced my decisions. As you can imagine, they weren’t always optimal for me. I suffered. I don’t blame them, as back then I didn’t realize my own power and subconsciously gave the power over my life to others. I didn’t believe that I’m the one who knows better what decision is good for me, be it health-related, life-related, job-related or anything else.
I asked everyone around before I even considered to listen to my inner voice and to trust my own gut. But nobody ever taught me to make decisions. I won’t start to complain about the government and society, who clearly aim to make decisions for us before we can even realize it. Unfortunately, so many of us never notice it and live a life based on circumstances.
The biggest problem is that people can only judge by their own experience, and most are led by their bad experience. Only a few people support some insane ideas without judging. Most people happily share their bad experience, which influences our decisions by strengthening our fear of failure.
For example, if we have a job offer, but aren’t quite sure of it, we can ask around and get different answers from different people.
Some say, “If they pay well, go for it. The job situation is horrible, better something than nothing. Go for it, and then look for something better.” Some others say, “Dive headfirst into what you love the most, and don’t underestimate yourself. Don’t lose time with working for somebody else’s dream if you don’t believe in it and have hundred dreams of your own. You are skilled, strong and smart enough to do it.”
Or if we want to end a toxic relationship, we seek advice and hear either “Well, it’s so hard to find somebody worthy,” or “Stay where you are, there’s no perfect relationship anyway. It’s hard to be alone.”
I agree that it’s hard, and there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But it’s better to be alone, and use the alone-time for inner growth and living an adventurous life, than to be with somebody who degrades us as a person every day. We start to drown in self-pity, complaints, dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
We always know when it’s time to move on, but don’t trust ourselves to take a step forward because it’s the harder road to follow.
Or if we want to change our diet, our habits, our country, or transform our bodies, people will always find a reason to ridicule us, even discourage us at a subconscious level, without understanding the power of words, and instead finding arguments based on their own experience, or asking questions which will make us feel low.
Why don’t we trust ourselves, even if we always know what’s right for us? Who else can feel on our behalf? Who else lives in our skin? Who else knows what feels good and what doesn’t? A doctor? A friend? A mother?
You, yes, only you know what’s good for you. And I know whats good for me. Nobody else.
Somebody else’s experience, be it positive or negative, will still be somebody else’s experience, and not yours.
It has nothing to do with you.
What helped me the most in the past few months, while making big decisions, are as follows:
1. Not talking too much about my big plans with people who I know will discourage me, even if they are close to me. I stuck to the right authorities and successful humans who gave me the right feeling — that my decision is the right one for me, and that I’m doing fine.
2. When a new insane thought, idea or a desire popped in my mind, I took time to listen to myself. I gave myself the permission to dream big. I meditated, I slept on it, I wrote about it. There is no dream which is too big, and the more I trusted my own dreams, the more real they became, and my courage grew with each day.
3. Not listening to naysayers and doubters, and ignoring them. It’s a hard one, because the ones who discourage consciously or subconsciously make us emotionally weak. Here we need our self-love and self-compassion the most. If they make you feel bad, embrace yourself with the most love and care, just as you would do with a loved friend or a little child. Cry if you need to, be sad, but don’t forget that the path you decided to take is amazing.
4. Taking baby steps towards what we really want. I opted to make my own decisions. I made a commitment to listen to myself first, and then, maybe, ask somebody I admire for their opinion. And once my decision is made, nobody can discourage me, and nothing that others say really matters.
5. Staying positive, embracing fears, embracing failures, embracing everything that comes on the way. Everything is there to teach us, to make us stronger and wiser. The Universe will take care of us once we start trusting it, and believing in ourselves and our infinite potential for greatness.
Taking responsibility for our decisions is obviously not easy. The main point is to finally realize how important and powerful each one of us is, and that we indeed have the power to mold our lives however we like. It’s all about the right decisions.
Let’s make a decision to be the best, kindest humans we can be, and to co-create heaven on earth. Are you with me?
Olga Chirkova was born in St. Petersburg and moved to Germany when she was nine. She believes there is no journey which is more difficult than the journey to your own true nature. It can be hard, painful, confusing, but it’s worth it. It is the most beautiful and honest journey there is. Come with her on the journey on her blog.