you & me

3 Clues Your Friend Is a Succubus.

Ever have toxic people in your circle and have a hard time cutting them loose?

Over the years, I’ve had girlfriends who started out as normal, but then as time went on, it became apparent they had morphed into soul-sucking energy vampires or morally bankrupt ne’er-do-wells. Or maybe they didn’t morph at all, it just took a while for me to see these friends as they truly were in the world.

For some reason, I have a hard time cutting women in my circle loose when they show their dark side. I know I’m not perfect, and so perhaps it feels a little hypocritical to say Peace out to this succubus with the Coach purse. There’s a point though where my jaw is clenched, my eye is twitching, and I have to say Enough.

Here are three clues that it’s time to walk away from a toxic person.

1. You dread telling this person a secret. You feel a little obligated to share because you’re friends, but deep down you know she will take your secrets and use them against you. She will take your story to the enemy and spill it at their gates. She will wave your innermost thoughts around town like a big foam finger at a basketball game. If you dread telling her anything dear, it’s time to put some distance between the two of you.

2. Their life choices make you wince. She’s married and he’s married, but they’re not married to each other, ya dig? And he’s her supervisor. Ouch! You don’t always have to agree with the choices your friends make, but if her choices stress you out, it’s in your best interest to cut ties. Empaths, in particular, cannot remain friends with the morally challenged; it’s too much to carry the weight of your friend’s dirty laundry around with you when you’re sensitive.

3. You have nightmares about this friend. If she’s haunting your dreams like a ghoulie girl from a horror movie, this friendship is stressing you out on some level, so take a hard look at the facts. Sure, we all have weird dreams from time to to time, but if this is a recurring issue, your psyche is showing you that this relationship is not a healthy one.

It’s okay to walk away from a friendship that doesn’t feel supportive and safe, whether you walk away for a little while to get some perspective, or you walk away forever. You don’t need permission to break free from friendships that feel draining or unbalanced. If it doesn’t feel good to you, that’s all that matters.

Your soul tribe of friends will feel good. Those women will carry your secrets. They will energize you like an endless supply of hot coffee, not drain you dry. Setting yourself free from those who weigh your heart down will lift you up, and it frees the other person to find their soul tribe as well. Exorcise that soul-draining demon, sisters, and walk on.

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KatieCraigKat Craig is a writer, tarot reader, and teacher in Asheville, NC. She hogs the mic at karaoke, charges crystals in the moonlight, drinks too much coffee, and believes Converse sneakers are appropriate for most social occasions. Join Kat’s email list for a free story, and find her on Facebook for writing updates and too many photos of her pets.

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