10 Reasons Why This List Is Not About You: Break Free from the Box.
This is just a reminder that you are not a category.
You are not a number on any list or a box to be checked.
The best parts of you are always the hardest to describe and impossible to typify.
1. You are a Cancer. You are effortlessly gorgeous, but compliments make you squirm. You’re an incredible friend, and an even better kisser. You care more than you’re ever willing to let on. Your put-downs are hilarious, even though they’re usually directed at yourself. You are an absolute badass, but completely nonchalant about it.
You are often crabby, but completely worth the trouble it takes to get under your skin.
2. You are the baby. As the youngest of your siblings, you’ve always been, and will always continue to be, the cutest. You are precocious and unexpected, projecting wisdom, humor, and kindness. You seek to be awed, and feel most euphoric when the world reminds you of how big it is. You are curious and experimental and an unabashed brat in all of the best possible ways. Passing strangers may fawn over you.
You hate that.
3. You are a cat person. You are aloof and disinterested, self-centered and predatory. You are the best kind of cuddly. You are the ultimate survivor. When global warming leaves the whole of the earth underwater, you will find a tall tree to yawn in because you’ve never needed anyone to take care of you. You are undeniably soft, but your claws remain untrimmed. They always will be.
When surprised, you may scratch. Mercilessly. When properly attended to, you will purr and the world will be a better place. When properly smitten, you will leave dead gifts on welcome mats. You are a crime scene in the best possible way.
4. Your tarot card is the Hanged Man. You are incredibly flexible. Your view of the world is entirely accurate, but your perspective might be upside down and more than a little weird. Be wary of those who don’t find this fascinating. You sacrifice things for a greater good.
You are at your happiest and most heartbroken teaching, helping, learning about difficult social issues, creating, and making the people around you laugh. You may be dying inside, but it’s fine if the people you care about are having a good time. You may be currently enjoying a sense of vertigo.
5. Your ideal city is Seattle. You are more than a little gloomy, but the right people love that about you. You probably still worry about things that happened to you in the 90’s. You are cultured and hilly and beautiful, but hard to get to know at first, frequently broke and occasionally grimy. You’re progressive, educated and immensely talented, but pop culture never really gets to you.
You often wonder if things might be easier in Portland. They would be.
6. Your favorite Muppet is Waldorf. You are literally a cranky old man, which is somehow entirely adorable when you do it. Everything is awful, but you make it hilarious. You make the people you care about feel like they’re in on a private joke every time you look at them. Your laugh is a cackle, but the kind, infectious type that spreads to everyone who hears it. When you insult people, it feels like a compliment.
You might feel empty inside, but your plush, furry skin is all too touchable. A mustache wouldn’t be the worst idea.
7. You are the girl who puts up walls. You have been hurt in the past. More than once. You are weary and suspicious. You struggle with being affectionate. Your heart is huge and covered with scars. You have hurt people whom you cared deeply about in the past, but not as much as you punish yourself for. You don’t realize how much they still miss you. You struggle with self-care.
You put your security before your happiness. You are right to take precautions. You may be a drifter, never stopping to get too close for very long. Your friends wish they could move through the world with your fluidity, navigating things the way you do, trapped for years in the amber of their own hometowns or the cities they moved to for their first after-college jobs. It may feel like you’re falling forever.
You don’t need anyone. You don’t want anyone in particular. Depending on the night. Depending on the town. You are completely unapologetic. As you should be. You have the most beautiful frown I’ve ever seen. You let almost no one in, but you still feel the pain of everyone around you. You must be exhausted.
8. You are an INTJ. Or was it INTP? Probably not an INFP. Certainly nothing with an E in there. You are better at things than you realize. You are beyond strong, meeting adversity with an arched eyebrow. You are absolutely tender, in ways no one knows about. You are self-critical and shockingly empathetic. Your huge heart is constantly bleeding, and you wish you could do more good in this world.
The good you do just by walking into a room is immeasurable. You are currently in the fetal position, squirming.
9. You are a dog person. You have a shiny coat, and good teeth that are too sharp for their own good. You are not above chasing rabbits. You cry openly at the end of Homeward Bound, but laugh at the end of Titanic. Probably. You do best at the beach and the woods, preferably alone. You will never wear a leash, but you won’t ever lose the ones that matter to you the most.
You have senses that humans cannot comprehend. You are protective of others by nature, and fail to understand a lot of human behavior. It’s not you, it’s them. Seriously.
10. You are none of these things. You do not fit into a box. Your Stranger Things character is not Barb. You are not Samantha from Sex and the City. You defy categorization. You are chipped and scratched. You have lived through so much, and the evidence of this only makes you more beautiful. Your celebrity boyfriend is irrelevant, but it’s probably Louis C.K.
You are an ocean with unknown depths, you are an adventure in progress, you are a mystery to be deciphered. You are not a problem to be solved. You are not something broken to be fixed. You are not the sum of your fears, mistakes or worries. You are something else entirely. You are constantly in the prime of your life. You are nuanced and specific, with sharp edges and a rich, winding past.
You are a whole person right at this very moment. You are perpetually getting better. You are just getting started.
You are not a type. You are singular and specific, chipped and cracked, made more yourself with every blemish, scar and freckle. You might not be perfect, but you are perfectly yourself, and that is more than enough.
Joaquin Fernandez is a recovering filmmaker, infrequent playwright, withering novelist and a perpetual English major. He splits his time between the mountains in the middle of nowhere and New Orleans, the middle of everywhere.