you and me

Postcard to a Long-Distance Lover.

 

Love, go quietly and confidently without glancing back. There is a strength to what we have created; do not let the chattering classes doubt this.

For these people that judge and mock us: they do not understand what we will gain and how we will grow.

Your soft heart needs to beat slower; your nerves are coarse and frayed; your eyes heavy with black worry. Rest your precious body.

I am no longer the gauche, gushing girl afraid-to-be. The girl who would take it. Distance away has morphed me into a calmer version of me, and unlocked my gifts.

My roots that once attempted to tangle me up in a conspired plot are begging for my newfound essence to nourish them. All the gold I have found, the little treasures you patiently encouraged, they are needed in their glory down there.

And in return, I will throw color, words on a different situation, not unfamiliar. Be the change-maker in a landscape less foreign.

As I journey through a green and flat land, I do not cry, nor do I worry.  As my Lancastrian boots glide fearlessly through London town, the words you mentioned as you lay still, ring sweetly and echo in my ears: “I will always love you.”

Nothing is final. Nothing is certain. What have I always uttered? “I don’t force things to be.”

It is one of the proofs of your love. Your decision to see me safe. To reconnect with those who know me well. Those who have been there, watched me mature, shared events and untold experiences. Kept in touch with me whilst I have been removed from home. You and I assign these people as valuable.

I am not foolish enough to realize that I could have survived up here without you. In your health-stricken circumstances, you have this answer. Just like your late father made plans and tidied the way for your dear mother, you repeat this history.

There will be raised eyebrows, mutterings and noise, as we live apart. But this is our chosen course.

As I pore over our photos of togetherness, in one, I see a happy, steadfast couple with a long and winding path behind them. If this is our life, let me take the twist alone.

I will see you when you and I are both ready. I will have busied myself and carved out a new existence, and you will have your boundaries in place, so that no one person or thing will ever consume you to exhaustion again.

Remember, you said: “We will always be on the outside.”

I will not expect a raucous fanfare upon my return, but with a changed heart, new ideas and clearer perspectives, when the time comes, we shall reap a small abundance. With our minimalism, we shall be further ready to welcome bright, kind, fun friendships, some of our caring family, and a life with some of the joys we have been missing.

Own your pain, understand more about yourself. You are not just strong, tough hands; a soft big heart; rich chocolate eyes; a provider. You, my love, are beautiful withered power — regain that force. For your soul has stirred and, like you allowed me, I now honor your pain: it is time to claim, see, become what is waiting for my North Star.

Lover, I will see you in four months. Until then, use the fruits of time well, and heal your tender wounds.

***

KeriFrance02Keri France is a sensitive and strong soul, who believes in the power of creativity for personal growth. Originally a southerner, she has returned to live in Manchester, after 19 years, and has found a new confidence since her relocation. If you sometimes feel you have been on the brink of success, despair, sadness, Keri has been there too. She believes in creating opportunities for herself, being enriched by experiences, and writing down her thoughts on what she has learned in the process. With a voice-over demo, collection of her own artwork, and now writing, she knows a good life is a creative life.

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