From Yuck to Yum: Why I Love to Give Head.
There is nothing like the feeling of having my lover deep inside my throat, though I have found, to my surprise, that many women despise orally pleasuring their man.
Often women see this act as a major turn-off or a chore, and engage in it only as a sense of obligation when they want their own oral sex and so will simply deal with it.
I love how I start to tease my lover’s cock with my tongue and then slowly and lightly start to take him into my mouth. The tender but hardened tip rubbing on the back of my throat, my tongue sliding over the tender spot right below the head, and the pulsating in my pussy as I take him just beyond my gag reflex. Hearing his moans and having him run his hands through my hair as I hit all the right spots.
There is nothing like looking up into my lover’s eyes while he is deep into my throat, and to see the passion and vulnerability all in one glance. It’s truly one of the best moments in sex for me.
However, it’s not just hot, but also a spiritual moment for me. This is when I feel connected to my lover as I look into his eyes and see all his barriers vanish and the glow of orgasmic energy radiating from him.
My favorite position to perform oral sex is when I’m on my knees in front of my lover. I find this position both incredibly powerful since I can see my partner’s reaction, and also incredibly humbling as I take in the beauty of the situation. Some would say that this position and this act are demoralizing and take away my power, when, truthfully, these are the moments I feel most powerful and have the most control.
At any point, I have the ability to change speed, stroke, or simply stop. No one is forcing me to engage in this act, I love and revel in this experience.
However, this has not always been the case in my life. I remember the first time I was asked by a boyfriend to give him oral sex; I was disgusted by the thought. I remember being so scared of him ejaculating in my mouth that I was literally shaking. I’ll admit that I ended up throwing up on my boyfriend at the time because honestly, neither of us knew what we were doing.
Also, being the good girl that I was, I had preconceived notions from society about how “good girls didn’t do that.” Well, society was flat wrong! The problem is, many women remain in that state of disgust or are simply ashamed of enjoying performing oral sex well into their adulthood.
Beyond simply enjoying giving oral sex, there are actually many proven benefits to this act.
The power of semen
Semen is almost pure protein, and has the amazing ability to nourish skin, teeth, and hair. The elements of semen act like an astringent and can help clear up skin conditions. Forget all those expensive facial products, ladies!
More benefits of semen
Semen has been shown, in multiple studies, to have natural mood-altering and anti-depressant properties. This is due to semen having the hormone oxytocin, which acts to elevate mood and cortisol, which in turn increases affection. Also, it has trace elements of melatonin, which is a natural sleep-inducing agent. Altogether, they create a non-drug-induced boost of feel-good.
Using your mouth to give your man oral sex will increase the health of your facial muscles, which will decrease fatty tissues, sagging skin, and overall blood flow to your face. This will leave you with glowing skin and a nice toned face that can look years younger.
Helps with lubrication
As women, our vaginas are connected to many other areas of our bodies, and one of these areas is our mouth. When we are engaged with our mouth during sex, this increases arousal and lubrication to make penetrative sex more enjoyable for the woman. So as you are increasing your lover’s arousal, you are also stimulating your own system.
Oral sex forces you to use deep belly-breathing, which is a benefit to your own sexual energy. When we are engaging in shallow breathing, it can lead to shallow orgasms and arousal. When giving oral sex, you are no longer able to breathe through your mouth, and so are more likely to engage in diaphragmatic breathing. This will increase your sexual energy flow throughout your body.
These are just a few of the benefits of this type of sex for women, but there are many health benefits for the male too, including, but not limited to, increased sensation, decreased prostate cancers, decreased blood pressure, and many more.
So how do we go from Yuck to Yum?
* Engage in oral sex for your pleasure. As long as you are not causing your partner unwanted pain, have fun with the act. Play with it and do what feels good to your mouth and body. The more fun you allow yourself to have, the more enjoyable it will be for your partner in the end. Slow down and go at the speed that works best for you.
Also, if you are only doing it out of a sense of duty, then your partner is going to feel the difference and you will be creating inauthenticity in the relationship.
* Talk with your partner or to a sex coach about any shame regarding this sexual act. Many women hold old belief systems around what is and is not okay to do in the bedroom. The best way to get past these shame triggers is simply to be vulnerable and talk about them.
Tell your partner what you like and what you don’t like. If you enjoy having your hair pulled while you are doing it, then ask. If you don’t want him to touch you, then ask. If you prefer him lying down instead of standing, then ask. If you don’t want him to cum in your mouth or want him to cum somewhere specific, then ask. Set your boundaries with your man in order to make it pleasurable for both of you.
Most men will be happy to oblige with your desires in this area.
Addison Bell is a local Tantric Practitioner, Experiential Sex Coach, and Body Image Expert. She is known for her fierce passion for helping others reach their life potential. Over the last 10 years, Addison has gathered a multitude of skills and knowledge and has integrated these modalities into her own Tantric healing blend. Addison has a Master’s in Counseling and has training/certifications in sexuality, body image, Reiki, and other experiential techniques. She is a raw and honest individual who uses both her years of experience and her personal journey to help people to move forward. Clients are refreshed by her open and honest approach to issues of body-image, sexuality, desire, and shame. Follow her on her website.